What If You Are At Fault? - Self-development, Society

Isle

• Russia, 2006
• Director: Pavel Lungin
• Cast: Petr Mamonov, Viktor Sukhorukov, Dmitry Dyuzhev

On the example of the fate of the hero of the film "The Island", psychologist Irina Solovyova tells how important feelings such as guilt and forgiveness are in our life. How do you know if you are experiencing healthy or false guilt? What if you are really guilty towards a loved one?

A crime…

At the beginning of the film, we see a story from the already distant youth of the hero. The Second World War, the Germans take prisoner two Soviet sailors: Anatoly and Tikhon. And they are faced with a cruel choice: to kill a comrade in order to save his life. Anatoly agrees and betrays his older friend, shoots him. Surviving, the hero finds himself in a monastery on the northern island and becomes a monk.

Then we see him years later, already in old age. Having lived in the monastery all his mature life, Elder Anatoly acquired the gift of clairvoyance, he can predict fate and cast out demons. Suffering from the most remote corners of the country come to him, they are grateful for the help, but he himself cannot forgive himself for the murder of Tikhon.

… and punishment

The feeling of guilt is one of the most " hot ", strong, difficult to live and experience. It is not biologically innate, the ability to experience feelings of guilt is introduced from the outside, as the child grows up and socializes. Therefore, guilt is called " social feeling. " It marks social mistakes: " bad " deeds punished by society. Those after which society can reject, punish, drive away.

In ancient times, expulsion from the pack could easily be equated with a slow execution: they did not survive alone. Exile as a punishment was used by society in later times. Being an " exile " is, if not so scary, it is still shameful.

Betrayal and murder (misdeeds committed by young Anatoly) are condemned and punished by any society. The feeling of guilt haunts him all his life, forcing him to remember the crime every day.

Fear of going against society

Guilt as a feeling is formed by society, starting from about the age of two, when the child is first accused and punished.

As a social feeling, it is based on biological, innate emotions. First of all, on the fear of going against society and being expelled. Also, guilt includes anger: anger at oneself for a mistake, for a violation of social norms, and auto-aggression. Therefore, a guilty person consciously or unconsciously seeks punishment, sometimes self-punishment. The hero of the film " The Island " punishes himself with monastic asceticism, numerous restrictions and daily prayer for the repose of the murdered Tikhon.

Guilt criteria

There is a healthy and unhealthy (false) sense of guilt. What is the difference? In total, there are two main criteria for guilt: compliance with reality and the possibility of redemption.

Compliance with reality

Thanks to this criterion, you can clarify whether the person is really to blame.

For example, a student does not do well on an exam and feels guilty. If he skips class and is poorly prepared, his guilt feelings are natural and healthy. In this case, failure in the exam is a consequence of his choices and actions. And if he diligently studied and prepared, but he failed, it is not his fault. He did the best he could. “ Guilty without guilt ” experiences a false sense of guilt.

Anatoly is objectively guilty before his comrade and before the Motherland, having decided to cooperate with the Nazis and shoot Tikhon.

The possibility of redemption

Bad deeds can be atoned for. Etiquette prescribes an apology, the penal code a clear system of atonement. Therefore, healthy wine is finite, redeemable, and unhealthy wine cannot be redeemed - it is guilty forever.

If you are to blame for someone, you can agree on how you will atone for it, and then this story will be closed. For example, this rule is very important in family life: misdemeanors must be compensated, and after that there is no need to remember them.

Otherwise, mutual claims will grow like a snowball. Any guilt has its limits; being guilty for life without the possibility of redemption is an unhealthy position.

Anatoly is objectively guilty, but he does not define the boundaries of his guilt and redemption. And only an unexpected case helps him to get forgiveness … of Tikhon himself.

What if you are truly at fault?

It happens that we offend people close to us. How to deal with this situation?

• STEP 1. Admit your guilt to yourself and to him.
• STEP 2. Ask for forgiveness.
• STEP 3. Agree with him: what will you do to atone for your guilt, how will you compensate for it. The agreement must be clear, specific, and have a deadline.

There is a very important point in atonement. After you have gone through all three steps, the story should be closed and not remembered