Homework: To Help Or Not To Hinder? - Self-development

F. Reshetnikov. Resit. Fragment. 1954

Such a desperate question is often asked by both children and their parents. The need for homework causes a lot of controversy, and most likely there is no correct answer to the question "Is it necessary?"

Different countries have different attitudes towards homework. For example, in many schools in Finland, Spain, Italy, homework is not asked at home, in Israel, homework appears only from the sixth grade, but in Japan the amount of work at home is very large.

In order to motivate oneself for a neutral-positive attitude towards him, it is important to understand that the task that the student does at home allows him to independently work out the topic, learn how to plan his time, request the necessary help, forms an “adult” position, responsibility for his work.

“I can’t force the child to sit down for lessons!”

There can be many reasons why a child refuses to sit down to homework:

• Misunderstanding of the subject. In this case, together with the child, sort out the difficult moments, ask leading questions.
• Fatigue. Analyze the child's schedule, is there time for rest - the way he wants?
• Fear. The child is confident that he will not cope with the task, and he chooses to avoid it at all costs. The source of fear can be, for example, the reaction of the environment to his mistakes (irritation, ridicule, additional stress). In this case, support the child, show your faith in him and your willingness to help.
• Lack of parental attention. Perhaps you are very busy at work, the child receives your attention (even negative) only if he “does not cope” with his homework. Of course, he will use this opportunity. Give him what he needs. Encourage him when he sits down for lessons, say something pleasant, pat him on the head, stay close (without interfering with the work process).
• Transferring unfavorable teacher relationships to the subject. Here it is important to meet with the teacher and analyze the situation, develop an approach to the child.
• "Spoiled". “I don’t want because I don’t want to!” Here you can talk about personal responsibility for learning and about the consequences of unfulfilled lessons, including the deprivation of something important, for example, shopping at the weekend, attending a football match.
• Misunderstanding the meaning. "Why do I need this?" This is a worldview question, one of the most difficult … Talk to your child about the benefits of homework, the importance of independent work, turn the process into a game.

F. Reshetnikov. Again a deuce. Fragment. 1952

Getting started before school

Already in the first grade (and sometimes even earlier) it becomes clear whether the child will have difficulties with homework.

There is an algorithm that works from an early age: "I do it myself with my parents (and children under six or seven years old really like doing something together with mom and dad), having fun." The key word is "myself". The parent is an assistant from the "zone of proximal development", support.

Important: don't be afraid to give your child the opportunity to make mistakes. This is a normal learning and development process. With this approach, a child from an early age really learns to be independent, to understand his capabilities and becomes confident in his abilities. If the parent does something instead of the child, then later in the school problems arise: red tape, tears, protests, etc.

Together or instead of?

"It's easier for me to do this task for him myself, than to explain!" - Tiredly told me the mother of eleven Vanya.

Of course, after a working day it is difficult to sit and sort out a task, especially a non-standard one, and explain to the same tortured child what is required of him. But by doing something instead of the child, what will we teach him?

F. Reshetnikov. Lyubin's lessons. 1952

In this situation, it is important to be patient and let the child do what he can on his own, and then check and point out mistakes. Do not stand behind him, do not comment, let him work himself.

"Deuce" to the parent?

Introspection: If your child scored an A for homework at school, why are you so upset? Are you worried about your child or yourself? Maybe your inner child who got a deuce is speaking in you? Do you know the feeling that you haven't finished it? That you are a bad parent?

These feelings and thoughts destroy you, your relationship with the child (you react vividly to “your” deuces, and you will try to correct this assessment at any cost), and also take away the responsibility for learning from the child.

It is important to work through your relationship with the "score" - either on your own or with a specialist. And remember, you are not participating in the school's best craft / drawing / problem solving competition!

By the way, about mistakes …

This part is especially important for parents whose children are in primary school.

Think back to when your little one learned to walk. He fell on his ass, but what did you do? Grumbled that he can do nothing? Shouted? Tiredly closing your eyes? No, you were touched and looked at his attempts with a smile, until finally he took the first steps.

Now, when your student makes mistakes, how do you react? Why did your reaction go from touchingly condescending to annoyance? The situation in general remains the same: the child learns something new, making mistakes and correcting mistakes. Keep this in mind the next time you check your homework.

Reacting to mistakes by shouting, tearing notebooks, demanding to do it first on a draft and then rewrite it, you form in the child anxiety, uncertainty, a negative attitude towards learning, demanding from him accuracy, which is practically unattainable at this age period.

I have a friend, a mother who celebrated the first two of her children with a cake. “What nonsense ?! How can that be? " - “responsible” parents may exclaim in surprise or even indignation. A wise move is that with the help of parents, children learn to see the positive role of error - a "springboard". Knowing what the weak point is, we can work on it, achieve success. At the same time, the child's faith in his own strength, the ability to achieve goals, work on himself and not be afraid of failure is preserved.

Five or good relationship?

Remember the anecdote: “The lessons are done. Mom got hoarse. The children went deaf. The neighbors have learned. Did the dog tell you? Unfortunately, this is not a rare story. But is the relationship between children and parents worth these fives? And by the way, not always fives.

Think about what is your priority: a healthy child or neurosis, fear of lessons, conflicts and a completed assignment?

The main function of a parent is to support the child, to pay attention to his progress. Say specific things:

- You did the exercise right yourself today! I'm proud of you!

- Look, not long ago you went outside the fields, and now you are excellent at writing exactly. You are trying very hard! I am so glad!

Become a helper and friend for your child, support him:

- You have chosen such an interesting solution …

- I really like the way you think …

Show your interest:

- Your eyes are burning with happiness! Come on, share …

- I understand that it was difficult. And I see that you have made every effort.

In case of failures, state their fact, avoiding bright emotional reinforcement.

Remember that children under 12 can change and transform their behavior by focusing only on positive incentives.

N. Zabolotsky. Five again. Fragment. 1954

Where to begin?

Almost any child, especially in elementary school, needs this kind of help as organizing.

• Provide a daily routine. The optimal time for homework is from 15.00 to 18.00, after a walk.
• Help organize your workspace properly. Only items necessary for a specific homework are located on the table; computer, TV, gadgets are turned off.
• Leave time for rest. The child needs personal time when he just wanders around the room, fingering toys, looking out the window. This is his way of rest, the opportunity to think, to rework what happened to him in the morning.
• Distribute the load. Break the homework preparation into periods: 15–20 minutes of work - 5 minutes of rest (drank water, ate an apple, walked around). For middle and high school, we increase the working hours to 40-50 minutes.
• Create a ritual. It is with him that the work will begin. For example, prepare a table, drink cocoa.

What else?

Primary school students are very curious and, of course, love to play. You can use this:

• Challenge your child with himself: together choose what you will develop, such as speed of homework, accuracy, fewer mistakes, and create a "Success Diary". Analyzing the work and filling out the diary, focus on the progress and successes of the child.
• Swap roles with the child, show that you do not know everything either: “Hmm, how interesting… only I don’t understand, but how…? I have not figured out, but how is this problem solved? " The child will happily begin to explain something to you, in the process of coming to new discoveries, realizing the material passed through.

We have discussed many techniques and approaches. "To help or not to interfere", each parent decides for himself. The most important thing is to know and take into account the characteristics of the child and remember that how much the student will like it depends on your attitude to his studies