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Video: Emotional Intelligence: Steps To Growth - Self-development
Authors: Ekaterina Vitkovskaya and Tatiana Makarova
Most people are poorly aware of the nature of their experiences. When asking a person about his emotional state, we often hear: "Normal", "Good (bad)", "My head hurts." It is unlikely that any of the adults will answer you: "You know, I now feel an arising resentment and a little anxiety." Or, say, "I feel delight mixed with envy." What can we say about adolescents, in whose souls a storm is going on, but they simply cannot describe this "explosive mixture" of emotions and hormones …
Psychologists at the Lomonosov School Ekaterina Vitkovskaya and Tatiana Makarova tell how to “educate”, train emotional intelligence and, as a result, successfully manage it in the most difficult situations.
What is emotional intelligence?
In short, this is the ability to manage your feelings in an adequate way. But this is only one of its components. More broadly, emotional intelligence is the ability of a person to understand the intentions, motivation and desires of other people and their own, as well as to be able to regulate their emotions and the emotions of other people.
This emotional competence allows you to build more open relationships with others in society. This does not mean "good" behavior, but speaks of high emotional flexibility and the ability to act according to circumstances, depending on the situation, the nature of the people with whom we interact, as well as taking into account our own goals and objectives.
What does a developed emotional intelligence give?
- Success in the social sphere is effectively building relationships with other people.
- Constructive conflict resolution.
- Good self-control, higher stress resistance.
- Increased life satisfaction.
- Protection against the development of psychosomatic diseases.
- Increased motivation.
The main skills - the ability to distinguish the emotions of others, to understand and manage their own - are laid down in childhood. Parents who voice their feelings, talk to the child about what he is experiencing in different situations, lay the foundation for his somatic and mental well-being.
Adolescence is often accompanied by mood swings and violent polar reactions. Some may “get stuck” for a long time in such emotions as resentment, sadness, shame, anger. This is one of the many reasons why it is especially important to develop and strengthen the emotional competence of adolescents.
It all starts with the ability to observe and ask yourself the right questions.
What makes emotional intelligence
Developed emotional intelligence includes the following components:
- self-understanding - discriminating, accepting and naming one's emotions;
- self-regulation - the choice of a response method based on the analysis of the emotional state;
- understanding the feelings of others - awareness and acceptance of the diverse emotional world of others;
- regulation of relationships - establishing and choosing the optimal way of interacting with others.
How to develop skills. 4 stages of growth
1. Recognizing our emotions and feelings
- It is worth starting with the awareness of simple emotions: joy, sadness, anger, fear, resentment, disgust. They are easier to recognize. Ask yourself questions: “How do I feel at the moment? What was I experiencing a second before? " Try to use these emotions to describe your state.
- Build your vocabulary of emotions and feelings. Each person has their own unique fan of emotional experiences. Go out to understand the shades of feelings and your moods. Through these actions, you will make your emotional life more understandable and conscious. "When I am happy, I say …", "When I am sad, I experience …"
- Determine the source of your emotional state: what or who causes these emotions and the degree of their severity (strong, weak). To do this, you can keep records, a table of the following content: day, time, emotion, its strength, its reason. “Why am I interested in this? What made me feel resentful? "
Awareness and description of your feelings, understanding the reasons for their appearance help to better regulate the emotional state and behavior.
2. Learning the basics of self-regulation
- Experiment with different ways to manage your emotions:
- switching - perform physical actions to relieve tension, for example, when anxiously, gently clench and unclench your fists, and also strain your leg muscles, you can stretch or walk;
- decrease in intensity - learn to breathe correctly as soon as you feel negative changes in your emotional state: breathing should be calm, and exhalation should be several times longer than inhalation;
- containment - be aware of your emotion, accept it, but try to hide it from others.
- Feel like an actor in front of an audience. With facial expressions, voice intonations, gestures, play out various emotions: confusion, delight, boredom, interest, admiration or shame. Point out what you do best.
- Remember situations when you felt good, when you were happy. How these memories make you feel in your body. Pay attention to how easy it becomes in the soul. Try to refer to this experience when you are sad or annoyed. Record how your mood changes.
The regulation of the emotional state contributes to the harmonization of internal well-being, improvement of interaction with the outside world and a better understanding of the mood of others.
3. Learning to understand the feelings of others
- Pay attention to the condition of your loved ones and friends. In what mood did the child return from school? Why is your friend so sad for the second day? Refine your assumptions with questions. For example: "It seems to me that you are today … Is that so?"
- Try to perceive the emotions of others only through gestures and facial expressions. A great way to develop this skill is to watch movies you don't know with good acting. Turn off the sound and watch the actions of the characters, trying to determine what emotions the actors are experiencing by their body language. Think about what other feelings this person might have in this situation?
- Listen carefully to the interlocutor and reflect on what he is broadcasting (words, gestures, facial expressions, intonation). Put yourself in his place and try to see the situation from his position, how you would feel. Understanding the feelings of others increases the quality of our response and helps to choose the best strategy for interacting with others.
4. We regulate relationships
- Empathize. Seeking genuine interest in other people's opinions will help you learn how to respond appropriately to their words by showing your ability to treat them with respect, kindness, and dignity.
- Use a constructive model of communication with people. Often, in response to the discontent of the interlocutor, we make excuses, argue or put forward counter-objections. This increases the tension. To reduce it, it is worth making a compromise and finding an adequate agreement formula. For example, you can start your speech with the words: "I understand your feelings …", "Yes, indeed, you are right …", "We can …".
- By accepting your feelings and the feelings of the interlocutor, listening carefully and actively participating in the dialogue, you create a positive atmosphere, and this is the key to a trusting relationship.
Practice shows that the more a person is open to dialogue and perception, the more successful his relationships are in the family, with loved ones and with everyone around him.
Understanding your emotions, the ability to take the position of the interlocutor, take into account his needs and feelings is directly related to the effectiveness of achieving goals. Sensitivity and the ability to establish interaction helps to motivate, inspire and unite people, this is the basis of constructive parent-child relationships.