Where Is My Betrothed? - Relations

What if you want to deliberately both family and children, but you just can't manage to meet a normal person?

I constantly hear: “You are too modest, correct. Your parents raised you too strictly, it's bad that you don't immediately agree to a civil marriage, to sex without obligations, with such principles you are unlikely to get married. " How to create a family in case of general promiscuity? If everyone immediately offers sex and cohabitation? Moreover, they are trying to reproach that I, in their opinion, are wrong, unfashionable, out of date, etc.

I am 40 years old, from a good, strong, believing family.

Pride and Prejudice

It is difficult to answer the question - with whom to start a family. Everyone has their own preferences. And each one is unique.

I wonder how many people do you hear that kind of talk about promiscuity and stuff? A very one-sided opinion. I have met girls who have only one man in their life - a husband.

The advice you have heard is devaluing and therefore causes anger and irritation. A woman who agrees to anything is a person who does not respect herself at all, allowing her to violate her own boundaries. It's good that you have enough resilience and awareness not to choose everything that men have to offer.

But does every man really offer sex and cohabitation right away? Each of us has some kind of "filters" of perception. They distort the primary thought and what the interlocutor understands as a result. At the same time, it is very important what is permissible in your value system and what is not. What does promiscuity mean to you? How does it manifest itself? Now, indeed, is not the age of romanticism and Turgenev's young ladies. Time makes its own adjustments.

He's somewhere near

In my practice, there were male clients with similar values. They also prefer women who are thoughtful, modest, decent, and do not accept quick rapprochement.

How do you organize your search for a suitable candidate? Where do you meet, how? What are you doing to make your dream come true?

You write that your family is a believer. You probably go to church. Maybe you should look for your betrothed in your environment? Contact your spiritual father, the priests know the parishioners very closely, they can contribute to a happy acquaintance.

Kurt Lewin described a wonderful "field theory" according to which each person has his own field. And it is not by chance that we attract people and situations. Everything that surrounds a person is related to his inner content. This does not mean that there is licentiousness within you.

According to field theory, it can be assumed that the topic of inter-sex relations has left a mark on your childhood story. There may be some beliefs (imposed by significant adults) that conflict with your desires and needs, and thus your inner conflict unfolds through the outer situation.

I recommend consulting a psychologist. Choose someone who will intuitively inspire confidence. Good luck to you!