Why Does A Child Misbehave When Mom Is Sick - Blogs, Society

Imagine you are sick. Fever, runny nose, headache - in general, nothing special, but in the coming days you are not a fighter. You should be under the covers, warm up and sleep. Well, or distract yourself with social networks or TV shows. But you have children, you are a mother

I would like, of course, that they somehow understand, that they play themselves. So you have included cartoons, but for some reason everything is not cute. "Mom-mom-mom-mom …" And everything about the fact that you have to get out of bed and do something for your sun. And the sun does not seem to understand about "mom is sick" and "play yourself." Soon, you may find your blood girl almost hysterical because her requests are not being fulfilled.

The conclusion is disappointing: it seems to be easier for you to lift yourself up and do what the child asks than to explain to him why you cannot, explain again, endure his whims, calm down, and then take a book and read it in a cold voice, or cook buckwheat instead of potatoes, or break up a fraternal fight.

“He seems to be misbehaving on purpose! He doesn't seem to understand! " - and this is not about two or three years old. It's even about fully grown sixth graders. And if there are more than one children, then they seem to break off the chain. And now in my head there are already heavy thoughts that you "did not bring up that way, could not instill, cannot regret my mother …". But calm down, everything is just fine (although I would like to be different).

An experiment with an indifferent face

Let us recall the well-known experiment "with an indifferent face." It was conducted with one-year-old children and their mothers and then repeated more than once.

In the first part of the experiment, the mother went into the room where the child was and communicated with him in her usual affectionate way. It all looked just fine: the emotions of one bloom on the face of the other. There is a special harmony in this.

But there was also a second part. It consisted in the fact that my mother left the room, and then entered with an impassive face. The child reacted to the mother joyfully, tried to attract attention, smiled, looked into her face. Pretty quickly, the kid began to show confusion. I continued trying quite a bit. The mother sat with a "stone" face. And after one and a half or two minutes, the kids began to cry inconsolably. At this point, the experiment was over, the mother again became "alive" and quickly reassured the child.

This experiment seems rather cruel to me, but it is valuable for understanding many aspects of interaction. For example, it is useful to us in the topic we are discussing.

What does the child see?

If mom is sick, she becomes more indifferent. All her facial expressions and movements speak of suffering. She is less attuned to the child, reacts differently from the way she has already become accustomed. Of course, the child first tries to evoke a habitual reaction, and when this does not work, he experiences stress and begins to cry. But since a mother with ARVI still reacts somehow, she may not get to crying, but whims as a background are almost guaranteed. And you can't explain it to the kid!

Oddly enough, I see a similar mechanism in older children (and even in spouses!) Of unhappy coughing women. They react with anxiety to the unusual appearance of their mother, which is expressed in facial expressions, weak voice, and difficult movements.

If the child is more than five years old, then we can confidently say that he has already actualized, but not worked out the fear of death. And to see the lying suffering mother is beyond his strength

The task is to revive

Then the usual mechanism turns on: I will do what my mother reacts to. Usually mothers respond to the “want to eat” request without fail. Also, the "top" methods include: "my stomach hurts", "play with me", "let's work out", "he offends me." However, this set is unique in every family, and you see it immediately when you get sick.

If your kids start to misbehave or even fight, you can be sure that this fight is for a good purpose - to heal you

Children begin to calm down the very moment you raise your voice irritably. After all, this means that you are not so sick.

Perhaps yelling at them at this moment is not such a bad idea, because they are ready to raise the degree of their actions until they can “revive” you. If you are not ready to get up, you can raise your voice (if your throat allows).

What instead of endless requests?

What else is worth doing?

• Of course, it’s worth explaining that you are sick, but that’s not for long. To remind them that they once had a sore throat and a runny nose, this is not dangerous and passes quickly.
• It is worth saying bluntly: "You seem to be worried about me." This brings experiences to a conscious level.
• You can and should make a request: bring you something, fix the blanket. These measures also reduce anxiety because they make the situation understandable.
• Discuss the division of responsibilities with older children. Children often whine and “don't want to,” but nevertheless, it is important for them to feel that their help is needed.
• If possible, ask other adults for help, at least for the most acute period of the illness. Even a couple of hours are healing now. If this is not possible, organize life around the bed. Some books, toys, cartoons - everything that will help to keep a small child, and even the bigger one, busy.

So…

I hope that now you will be less worried that you “did not overlook” and raised selfish people. Children are just trying to deal with their anxiety. They do everything they can to see you doing your usual business. After all, this means that everything, in general, is in order. Of course, this creates a very difficult quest "How to get well while remaining a mother." But you can at least not reproach yourself, not think badly of children, but aim at taking care of yourself as much as possible.