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Video: Are Real Heroes Afraid? - Blogs, Society
Sometimes we meet people about whom we can say with confidence - real heroes. Courageous, persistent, decisive, in a difficult situation they take responsibility for themselves, fight and win. And for a while they try to forget about their feelings - a feeling of fear, pity, loss.
Are real heroes afraid? We would like to acquaint you with the story of Alexei, whose son was diagnosed with a terrible diagnosis - leukemia.
How did it all start?
Alexey, Denis's dad, says:
We went to doctors for three months trying to find out why my son's lymph nodes had swollen. And naturally, they searched for information on the Internet. I began to think about leukemia almost from the very beginning, but I drove these thoughts away from myself. After another donation of blood, the head of the polyclinic called me and said that we urgently need to come to her with the child. I saw an analysis where “blasts” were written in bold red pen, and the earth disappeared from under my feet.
Then everything is like a fog. An ambulance took his wife and child to the hospital. The worst thing was in the evening when I came home and was left alone. If dads say that they are not afraid of anything, they are lying. I can honestly say that it was not even fear, but a terrible horror in my soul. The next day, she had a puncture and was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia. It was then that I seemed to emerge from some deep well. The realization came that the uncertainty was over, the trouble had already happened, and a new fear appeared: suddenly the treatment would not work out or something would go wrong.
I somehow even forgot about myself. I couldn't remember if I ate or not and what I ate. In three weeks he lost 15 kg. And it was also unbearable that I could not see my son. Anything happened.
Our son just melted before our eyes. They even began to suspect a tumor in the intestines. Here again this terrible fear appeared. I practically lived in a hospital. I only went home to spend the night.
Life went on as usual, when Denis had a sister, we named her after our beloved procedural nurse. Then we went to the hospital without my mother, and the son was very worried, as he could, calmed, said that he knew everything and was able to. But nothing, broke through and finished the procedure.
In our family I am a breadwinner and a cab. And also the entertainer and the clown in one person. And mom is responsible for the rear. We divide the responsibility for children in half. After such a terrible illness, there is always fear when you take another analysis in your hands, look at a bruise on your leg or listen to a child's breathing at night. And I think he will not go anywhere, this fear, perhaps not so strong, will become over time. It's natural that parents fear for their children, and it doesn't matter if it's a dad or a mom.
Fear is a non-gender concept
Both men and women “have the right” to fear for their child. In general, all people have the right to all feelings. And although the processes of integrating this bright idea are underway, unfortunately, this is not happening so quickly. Men are still dominated by attitudes driven in with their mother's milk: "boys don't cry", "are you a girl, are you afraid?", "It doesn't matter what you feel, the main thing is what you do." And the "boys" are afraid. And they cry. And sometimes they are so exhausted that they can do nothing more. They can't for an hour, and then they go and do it, no matter what.
Of course, it happens that a family that has learned about a terrible diagnosis is destroyed. Not only fathers run away from the battlefield, sometimes mothers also leave. Much depends on what kind of family it was before the news. A child's illness requires a logistics effort, well-organized synergy. If the family has already been disunited, it does not have the necessary skills, its disintegration is more likely. If the skills were there, but left for some time due to conflicts, the family may well rally in grief. Those who have practiced support and mutual assistance simply use the ready-made and organize active assistance to the child and themselves.
Both parents are afraid. The child may not understand exactly what is happening. Children who have undergone surgery and treatment, after a couple of years, may recall it this way: “I studied, went to draw. Then she fell ill and lay in the hospital for a long time. All is well now. A little bit heavier than the flu. " Parents, both now and then, are in constant monitoring of their condition. They are aware of the dangers, take responsibility for all processes and decisions, they move forward.
The main thing is to allocate resources
The situation of uncertainty awakens some fears, certainties - others. The stages of certainty and uncertainty are constantly replacing each other. And here, perhaps, it is important not to drive away fears from yourself, but to live them. Being driven to the periphery of consciousness, they will be angrier. And probably, getting rid of fear will not work at all. A realistic challenge: to make it so that fear does not control you, but you fear.
Fighting cancer is not a sprint, but a marathon in which you need to calculate your strength. Both dads and mothers spend an enormous amount of their resources at such a time, and they need to be replenished! You need to remember to eat. To draw attention to other children: how are they? To remember that you are not only parents but also spouses. That there is a world around, after all.
It would be good if the families fighting the child's oncology were provided with psychological help. Fathers, mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, siblings - all those who are around. And it's free, according to the protocol, because a lot of money is spent at this time. I know from experience: sometimes a psychologist is the only person whom you can trust and express your feelings. After all, even in front of each other, spouses can "hold on", which may be due to the difficult tasks that they face in the struggle for the life of their child.
