New Twists And Turns In The Happiness Of Motherhood - Blogs, Society

I think about what I wanted to indicate changes that don't exist yet. The most offensive thing: I thought they were. And there are none yet. I'm talking about a new perception of motherhood

I wanted to write that now a woman, having become a mother, has the right to negative emotions, to a place and time for her needs and desires. Has the right to get tired. He has the right to not want children at times (although they already exist).

But it turned out that I see only small life-giving shoots - individual voices are heard, articles are written, which, yes, sometimes have 10 thousand shares. But it is too early to say that the process is on a new track.

Without the right to desire

Perhaps you will argue (and it would be interesting), but according to my feelings a woman, having become a mother, ceases to have the right to her own, personal. This trend has continued for many decades. And attempts to blur this situation began quite recently. The study of the topic led me to the sexological encyclopedia. The only one of the encyclopedias and dictionaries that burst into a big article on motherhood. So…

“Throughout nature, the goal and effect of sexuality is the production of offspring. But only a person tries to resist this law, which is reflected in the division of the FUNCTION of a modern woman into the roles of lover and mother. Reducing the need for motherhood is one of the negative consequences of emancipation. The fear of having a child, the view of the child as a burden turn against him, and against the family and society as a whole."

The only one I hear in this is the condemnation of those who do not want to have children, as well as those who are not good enough as mothers? In general, there are still so many abstracts in the article that are blatant from the point of view of modern gender trends that they can be quoted and quoted.

Life as a function

So the woman is seen as a function. And the function has functionality. And the fewer variables she has (her desires, aspirations, feelings), the more successful it is from the point of view of society. That is, in principle, the task of society can be to create a rigid image of a “good mother”, in which there will be as little space as possible for the personal and as much as possible for the socially useful.

And he is. This is a happy mother around the clock, who does everything in time, for whom the child and family come first. However, an update has been included in the image of the last decade: such a woman also manages to work successfully, take care of herself, and remain socially active. Yes, these are not three different women, this is one.

I remember how, having given birth to my first child 20 years ago, I simply lay exhausted, sometimes dumbfounded from his crying. I was like a zombie washing diapers in the machine. I could move my son to me at night, and then, waking up in horror and not seeing him in the crib, look for him on the floor. It was a difficult time.

However, it was almost indecent to say that it is difficult for you. “You only have one and are you so tired? Here I have three, but I still work, and there are no grandparents … "- familiar? Even with young mothers on the set, it was customary to talk about such problems as a joke, laughing, showing how dashing you are with your life. Your own, with a 24/7 schedule around the child?

“What are you complaining about? You yourself decided to have a child! " - also quite a working version of what is happening. Gave birth - do not whine, pull yourself together, rag! I still often see this “I decided on my own - bear with me” until now, to the pain in my eyes, in various comments on topics related to motherhood in social networks.

“Where are you going from the child, mother cuckoo? What kind of manicure? And you will do a haircut when he grows up. Theater, cinema? A good mother does not think about entertainment, but only about the child. Does he feel good when you leave? " - this already sounds a combined choir of grandmothers and good aunts. Social benefit, yes.

What the media say

But maybe other tendencies, where the mother remains human, are sprouting on the Internet? I went to several of the largest portals on the topic of motherhood and childhood. And one of them is called that - with a capital M. And what can you find there? There is no woman there. The same function is there. Typical division of headings is as follows: planning, pregnancy, childbirth, and then the age depending on the age of the child (0-1, 1-3, 3-7, schoolchildren, adolescents). This clearly shows the center on the child, the woman herself has almost nothing left.

Now she is condescendingly called "mommy", and if they write about fatigue and negative feelings, then with an emphasis on pain: is there depression or at least neurasthenia? Are you afraid for your child - think about phobic anxiety disorder!

If we take paper magazines of the Russian level, then a short synopsis of topics will be as follows:

• take care of your health and nutrition to carry a healthy baby;
• observe hygiene at home - wet cleaning is necessary every day;
• be aware of the child's developmental norms by age - do not miss anything;
• prevention and treatment of all diseases - a good mother is attentive;
• a child can be developed from birth - be sure to do it;
• games and toys - buy those that are good for development;
• start taking your child to additional classes - all good mothers do this so as not to miss anything, the time is difficult now, the leap forward should be early;
• observe the daily routine;
• walk in any weather for at least two, but preferably three hours;
• become the best cook for your child - the food is not only healthy, tasty, but also beautifully presented;
• be patient, smiling, calm - otherwise you will injure the child and he will have a bad foundation from childhood;
• the child is shy, aggressive, speaks poorly, eats little - this is what can be done about it;
• yes, and do not forget that you have to look like a person - have time to take care of yourself, the child is watching;
• and do not forget about your husband, be a good wife, so that the child has two parents; female wisdom, forgive, la la la;
• turn around so that your husband helps you with your child (partnership in parenting - no, they haven't heard);
• time management will help you - try to tamp your time!

I don’t know about you, but it causes strong emotions in me. I would gladly take somewhere about five of my clones, "mummies", and myself, the real one, would have a rest.

Recover identity

At this point in history, I find it critical to say that a mother woman needs to live her life. And in this life there should be much more "want" than now. Looking at the above topics, I feel a gigantic pressure from the most diverse "must", where the voice of the timid "want" is almost inaudible.

Why is it important at all? Grown up people, we do what we need! Because in order to pull all these responsibilities, resources are needed: at least a sufficient level of activation. For this, it is not enough for the body to be rested, well-fed and healthy (although even for this minimum, women do not always find opportunities). Only a happy organism is well activated and successfully copes with the duties!

Why am I talking about the body? Because happiness in our body is "produced" in the form of hormones, or rather, neurotransmitters

We will talk about this in more detail more than once. But now it is important to understand: for a woman's resource to be replenished, it is simply vital for her to think about how to make her life more pleasant. Yes - and this is another cut - we take life into our own hands, we do not wait for someone to notice how much help is needed.

We think about what is important to each of us. Someone is restored by a sports run, and someone by a jog to the shops and a cup of coffee. It is extremely important for someone to have time to read a book, and someone cannot do without a bath. Someone loves music, and someone needs silence. One needs to learn, and the other is happy to do needlework.

So…

This blog will be about what motherhood really is. There will be a lot of sympathy here, because being a mom, no matter how many children you have, is not easy at all. If you are tired, at times afraid of something, if you are cramped in motherhood - this is normal, this is not a disease.

We will seek a balance between being a person who has their own needs, characteristics, dreams, desires, feelings, and how all this can manifest itself in motherhood. Yes, exactly like that: we put our own filters, we do our motherhood, and do not lie down in the Procrustean bed of social attitudes. Personality comes first, function comes second. “I want” is no less valuable than “I need”.

There will be a lot about the topic of borders here. Do not dissolve yourself - neither in the child nor in the partner. Be yourself, keep yourself, live your life next to others, even the closest ones.

I want women mothers to have less guilt and shame for a variety of reasons. The emphasis on the child is already strong enough at the moment, and I want (at least here) to shift it to the woman herself. To make us feel.

There will also be topics related to fatherhood. That motherhood + fatherhood = parenthood. The fact that the father does not help the mother, but does part of his "work". And that he is a person, not a function.

Last but not least. When you are a “function”, then a child is not a person, but an object of effort, a “project”. And when a woman sees herself, her needs, desires, experiences feelings, she also perceives others as individuals.

We will return the identity. In the comments, write the topics that you would like to see on my blog.

Wish me good luck. There is a feeling that you will have to fight.