We Choose - We Are Chosen - Self-development

Decision making is a whole branch of science. A bunch of scientists of various directions, from mathematicians to psychologists, are struggling with the problem of revealing the mechanisms of how people make decisions and what they are guided by. What versions were not promoted, what models were not tuned! Even a couple of "Nobel Prizes" were given for research in this area. True, the result of the work was not very encouraging. It turned out that when making decisions, most people are guided by far from the most rational considerations, even when the results of these decisions can have the most serious consequences.

Buying as a solution

It is clear that the most concerned about the problem of decision-making are those for whom they are directly related to their earnings - all kinds of businessmen and entrepreneurs. It is not for nothing that entire departments of large companies are working to somehow influence the decision of a potential buyer in such a way that they can better than others push their product to him.

Even a few special professions have come up with a type of designer, marketer, merchandiser and other specialists in coloring, packaging, product placement and attracting the attention of the buyer to it. And their efforts do not always lead to success. So what do we want from a mere mortal who is not burdened with special knowledge, who has to make not the most pleasant decisions in life?

From good to good …

The worst choice is made by those who have to deal with the situation "the worst of two evils", or, as supporters of an optimistic outlook on life like to voice it, "they are not looking for good from good." And here the decisive question is always - and from whose point of view this person “cannot make a choice”? After all, speaking about the problem of choice, one must always remember that this very choice is always made by a specific person in a specific situation. And this is such a complex combination of various considerations and circumstances that an outside observer certainly does not have the full amount of information to understand the entirety of the picture.

Let's say we are talking about a man who for years is "torn" between two ladies. So I assure you that if this situation lasts for so long, then the female sides of the triangle are most afraid of this very "choice". Because each of them hopes … It is clear that they are tormented, it is clear that they are jealous, but if one of the parties is chosen, it will definitely get much worse (well, or she thinks it will become). So both of them are, by and large, grateful to him for this "indecision."

The choice of adulthood

One more typical situation of “no choice” is often encountered when it comes to the fact that someone is “sitting on the neck” of someone. Most often, we are talking about matured children who cannot peel off the caring parental "financial breast" in any way. The parental side in such a situation, as a rule, periodically violently expresses dissatisfaction with such a situation, and the "overgrown" themselves, in words, seem to be not averse to disconnecting from their "burdensome" attachment …

But the years go by, everyone complains, moans, swears, but changes nothing

Sometimes, until one of the ancestors goes to another world. It is clear that from the point of view of psychology in such links we are always talking about a whole system of "secondary benefits", usually associated with issues of power, influence and control. If someone does not make a choice, it means that he has such an opportunity. Well, or all are not yet “pressed down” enough to destroy the usual system of relations.

About myself, beloved

The inability to make a choice is most often about a lack of courage to accept it, choice, consequences and results

By and large, the choice is about yourself, your beloved. About how well we understand ourselves. And how "order" we have in our heads. In many cases, the choice directly depends on what is valuable to us and what can be neglected.

And the choice is also about protecting your interests. Not every one of us is capable of defending our interests, first of all, before ourselves, even if they are clear and obvious to us. Such a thing often happens in conflicts, when people get involved in "not their own war", guided by momentary grievances and indignations, absolutely not thinking about how what is happening will affect their fate in the near future. It is not for nothing that most of the psychological and psychotherapeutic help is just about learning how to make your life choices somehow differently.

The wrong side of freedom

One of the weaknesses in our perception of other people is that we measure others by ourselves

And accordingly, we assume that the same thing is valuable and scary for another person as for us. You've probably heard one of the popular nowadays motivational scarecrows: "Choose before this choice is made for you!" It is curious that not everyone is afraid of such a prospect.

A lot of people are just waiting for someone to take responsibility for their choice, or even better, to decide everything without them. It is not for nothing that the two most popular requests to psychologists have been formulated for many years like this: first - “correct something in my life so that nothing will change in me, but at the same time it becomes easier to live”; the second - “do something with him / her / with my child (etc.) so that it would be more convenient for me to interact with him, but do it somehow without me”.

I can't decide now

By the way, the inability to choose is not always due to some underlying reasons. Decision-making is a very energy-intensive thing, and if at the moment you are bad with vital energy, then you simply will not find the strength in yourself to get together and make a decision. That's when the popular phrases like: “I am a girl. I do not want to decide anything! I want a new dress! " And also other cute, but, in fact, extremely childish ways of psychological "energy saving".

A separate conversation is about depression and other disorders, when a person lives so much in the inner world that everything “external” becomes completely unimportant for him, and, accordingly, he does not change anything, does not decide and cannot decide.

The weather is rubbish

And sometimes, through unwillingness to choose, latent resistance to life itself manifests itself, well, or latent dissatisfaction with life, which for some reason cannot be expressed openly. It is then that a person begins to slow down "life in spite". Because everything is bad, “I will not do anything, because I want to go to another planet at another time, but here I feel really bad and I can’t change anything, and, accordingly, I won’t!”

Finally, the optimistic option of “non-choice” - when you need to choose some path, but there are many good options, then a person can take a “pause to think”, because he wants to be in this multitude of possibilities and feel the fullness of life for a longer time. This rarely happens to us, but, as they say, anything happens in life.

Good choices and the opportunity to make them for your pleasure