And There Is No Rest For Me. How To Communicate With Anxious - Self-development

We continue to publish a series of articles by Leonid Krol, creator of the Coaching Workshop project, professor of the Master's program in Psychoanalytic Coaching and Consulting at Higher Scool of Economics and author of the Incantico blog. Leonid Krol identified 15 psychological types, one of them - Anxious. How to communicate with such a person?

He speaks without pauses, loudly, harshly, squeaky or nasal, constantly increasing the already high tension, all predictions - "how it will be worse", emphasizes his cynicism and realism.

"Don't calm me down, I already know everything and I can't do anything!"This is anxiety that has permeated his entire life

Often he cannot be alone and is looking for excuses for a company, while taking up too much space, in particular with conversations. I have to move around a lot, coming up with reasons for this.

One such person put it this way: "She got married, but I didn't." Nightmarish meanness? Wait with estimates! We said - a person of this type so emphasizes his cynicism.

He loves to fiddle with something in his hands, which is partly why he loves gadgets. And partly because it is a planning tool. He loves the short-term, constantly sucking on what and when he is going to do soon. Doesn't believe in long-term, doesn't know how: what plans, when the end of the world? He is as if shortsighted, as if in a fog.

In this world, our most reliable entertainment is anxiety and suffering

Anatole France

Experiencing a constant exaggerated fear of loss of control (for some, it is lowered, they fly downhill without brakes, confident that they are driving, and this one - grabbing the steering wheel and pressing the brake, closes his eyes in horror … and every time everything ends well).

Refuses to do anything with himself.“When I feel good, I don’t need anything, when I’m bad, I can’t and don’t want anything.”

How to communicate with Anxious

• With a person of this type, you cannot get involved in a meaningful conversation until calming measures have been taken. It is worth asking for pauses, interrupting, inserting counterarguments, slowing down by turning. Deep down, he himself understands that the point is anxiety. You need to convey your understanding to him. And constantly awaken in him the feeling that this is his anxiety, and not the end of the world. What can help the Troubled One? Assurances of normality and exaggerated danger. The mantra “you are not crazy” works favorably and is absorbed, after which work goes well with other fears that are pulled out of the corners.

  Only then can one move on to the actual content, and constantly returning to the moments of stress relief. It is also necessary to shoot rationality - heightened and ostentatious. Behind all these layers hides a tortured, delicate and pleasant person, receptive, caring for people and tactful. You can't even imagine how good he can be when the fear goes away.

• Anxious constantly builds up a defense: "I am unpleasant, touchy" - and requires advice. By his behavior, he seems to want to say: “Love me black. Kiss me and I will become a prince. "
• Such a person perceives well the irony addressed to him and the alternative proposals expressed. As a rule, these are people who talk all the time, and they have a “rational”. Direct indications of the actual anxiety, which they begin to see better, are important.
• Anxious people need patient and obedient women and men who can be thrown against the wall from time to time - well, this is not me! - people whom he teaches to live and instructs, who work instead of him.
• He tends to endlessly, energetically discuss something, as is often said, "rub", for which he needs employees and partners, with whom he inevitably leaves. It's simple - they are erased with a grater. You should have a pencil in your hands with which you will draw again and again tirelessly.
• This person needs long walks, he needs to make sure that the real world is around. It would be nice to learn how to navigate, understand, walk the route, follow the instructions - it's like a momentary pill, which, however, has absolutely no side effects.
• Bedtime storytelling works well with him, especially if you ignore the constant negativism. At first, he says "no" to everything, but to the fifth message - "yes" begins to appear.