I'm Afraid Of A New Relationship - What To Do? - Relations

New relationships always evoke a whole palette of emotions - joy, excitement, adrenaline in the blood plays, I want to show my best side. But all of this can be overshadowed by such a complex feeling as fear.

The nature of fear is in each of us, and it is foolish to say "I'm not afraid of anything." Afraid. And the fear of a new relationship is a very common phenomenon, since there can be many reasons for such fear. What options? For example, the previous relationship ended badly, it hurt after the breakup, and you don't want to live this pain again or something else. Whatever your fear feeds on, not starting a new relationship because of it will not be the smartest move, and therefore let's figure out how to stop fear. You want your happily ever after, right?

So, what is fear, we figured out in general terms. I will add only one addition - the reasons for your fears, recurring emotions, feelings, experiences and reactions to some situations should be sought in the past. So get ready to turn around and see - what from the past are you dragging with you and how does it affect you?

In the fight against your fear of new relationships, let's start with analysis

Step 1. Review past experience

If your past relationship has hurt you, think about what was most painful? What was the basis of conflicts, quarrels, etc.? The answers to these questions will help you to gather and see the situation from the outside, as well as understand what lies behind your fear. If you had a very good, warm and light relationship, then write five points why they did not work out, what prevented them from developing. These points will help you analyze everything, see mistakes and avoid them again.

Step 2. Understand that there are no guarantees and will not be

No one in the world will tell you, "This man will love you all his life and carry you in his arms, you will have ten children and you will die in one day." If you forget about fortune-tellers, then really no one will ever give you guarantees (and a fortune-teller will not). Why? Because the world is changing, you are changing, circumstances are changing. Maybe after ten years of marriage, you yourself will say "Tired", get on a plane and drink cocktails on a beach somewhere in Malibu, hugging a hot handsome man? You see, you yourself cannot give guarantees, predict the future with 100% certainty - how can you expect them from another person? If now you want to say: "Yes, I am not like that, I will not act like that," I remind the popular wisdom - "Do not renounce."

Step 3. Build logical chains

As a rule, people live by the principle "Fear has big eyes" and are afraid of everything that either never happens or has much smaller consequences. Therefore, write down your three most important fears in a new relationship, feel these fears and build a chain of cause-effect from each. For example, you are afraid that a man will cheat on you. What will happen next? You will be hurt. What then? You will part with him. And then? Be picky about men. And then? Meeting a new one. Is the principle clear? Write your fears and understand that the devil is not as terrible as he is painted.

Step 4: look at the situation from a new angle

A person who looks at life negatively through the prism of past experience, what does he think? "Relationships are new trauma." Oh is it? If you think so, then it will be so. Look at every new relationship, and your whole life as a whole, as a set of new opportunities, impressions, travel, acquaintances, etc. A positive outlook on the world can greatly change life itself, because the ability to see opportunities is one thing of the key traits needed for happiness.

Step 5. Trust gradually

It's okay to be afraid of new relationships, especially if the previous ones didn't end well. Any relationship is associated with trust in another person. And trusting 100% is very difficult, but think about it, is it necessary? I'm not talking about the fact that a man should be trusted for ten percent, and then after twenty years of marriage. No, but intelligence is important.

Perceive your man as a person who is here and now next to you, enjoy this moment, plan something with him. But in the very first month of acquaintance, you should not move to him with all the things, buy an apartment on a mortgage, register it, a mortgage, that is, for yourself, and start working on five children at once. It sounds ridiculous, and I'm sure you yourself understand it, but many girls, unfortunately, make this mistake, and then cry and live in a state of deep dissatisfaction. Trust is born gradually, and you yourself will feel it. Therefore, first feel, and then rush into the pool with your head, so that later you do not read such articles again.

Step 6. Method for PRO uploaded people - don't try to hide your fear

Why for PRO downloads? Because pumped people do not run from the problem, but admit it. Don't try to hide that you are afraid of a new relationship. Better tell the man honestly: “You know, I had a negative experience in a past relationship, and it seems that I still haven't been able to live it normally, and therefore I'm afraid of a new relationship. Let's treat each other with care so that no one gets hurt, okay? " In this case, you open up just as much as your boundaries allow - you do not go into details, but dot the i's.

There are not so many steps, and they, in general, are not so difficult, but the main difficulty is implementation. If you are really afraid of new relationships and this prevents you from living fully, do not postpone step 1 until tomorrow. Start today, because, as practice shows, “tomorrow” never comes in such matters. Set a goal for yourself, be patient and courageous, and you will succeed.