How To Restore Intimacy - Relationship, Sex

They do not lose intimacy in the first month of the relationship. After all, it is just beginning to emerge. This problem worries the already established couple, which is more than one year old. In attempts to restore the former unity, it will be necessary to remember more than once how it appeared. Well, get out your photo album and make tea.

Crisis periods come in every family, when irritation, coldness and boredom replace positive emotions. There are always enough reasons for dissatisfaction: life with various conflicts of interest; the birth of children, taking a lot of time and effort; banal boredom - you know your partner inside and out; lack of incentive - no need to seduce, conquer, hunt.

This list can be continued for a very long time. And we want to solve a real problem before one of the spouses decides to "warm up" on the side. Therefore, we are moving from theory to practice.

Method 1. Letter

Very often, close people living side by side, zealously demanding to take out the trash, tie up chatting on the phone and collect socks, cannot even softly say what really bothers them - their feelings. Resentment, loneliness, boredom, fatigue … Something inside resists discussing it out loud. Write letters to each other.

1. In the beginning, thank for all the good things that have happened over the years of your relationship: for understanding, support, help, for children, for joy and love. Try to spot anything that you once appreciated or underestimated.

We forget to say thank you. For a mistake or betrayal, we saw each other again and again, and for past feats we do not think to thank again. Show your partner that you notice positive qualities and remember his merits, see that he is trying.

2. In the second part of the letter, write about your claims. The main thing is to present them in the correct form: not “you do not help me at all around the house, lazy person”, but “I am very tired, I need your help so that by the evening I have strength for more pleasant activities”; instead of “you don’t pay attention to me, callous turkey”, write “I would like a little more interest on your part, it will inspire me to change for the better”, “I need warm words, hugs and compliments” … I think the point is clear. Everything else should be stated in this vein.

3. At the end, write that you are ready to change, seek a compromise, value your family, and thank you again for having each other.

You can discuss your letters, or silently take action. Even if your partner reacts dryly to this idea, he will “hear” your message and will certainly “answer” it.

Method 2. Revision of the schedule

There is such a concept "mother's hour" - the time when the mother is busy with the child and only him. They read a book, draw, discuss the events of the past day. Everything else goes aside. Do not forget about the "husband's hour". Of course, the time frame can be changed depending on your capabilities. But if you constantly “sew up”, you need to revise your daily routine. This is true for both partners.

1. Take a pen, your day planner or regular notebook. Make a list of the things you do during the day.

2. Try to organize your time more efficiently, shift some of your responsibilities to someone who can do it (including household appliances), stop doing what is not really necessary, give up perfectionism, reduce your time in the "networks".

3. Plan time for your spouse and try to stick to the new schedule. You can't be perfect in everything. The main thing is not to forget about those we love.

Method 3. Go on dates

Have a real date once a week. A new film, an exhibition, a beautiful park, an unusual dish - you will have fresh pleasant memories of the time spent together.

In case you forgot, the rules are:

• Be easy to communicate. Smile, flirt, joke.
• Give compliments. And not only on a date. For every negative attack you take, it takes a dozen kind words to neutralize an unpleasant impression.
• Look nice and smart. Don't be lazy. It's so nice to feel at your best.
• Courting each other. Kiss when we meet, extend your hand, help put on your coat, open the door, straighten your tie. You've done this before ?!
• Pretend you just met or remember the best moments from your past together. These are two different tricks. Try both on different days.
• Turn off your phone, temporarily do not view messages on social networks. No comment.
• Do not sort things out, do not reproach, avoid quarrels. Usually on dates you don't want to fight. Anything that will not bring joy to your interlocutor, set aside for another time.

On a note

Going out is easier than you think. The only difficulty is finding someone to look after the children. An extreme option is to put them to bed and arrange a date at home. However, try to find “deputies” for your parenting role. If grandmothers and nannies are not available, agree with your friends about a mutual favor - this Saturday they look after your children, and the next they bring theirs to you.

Method 4. Dance

Take some private dance choreography lessons. In individual lessons, you will not have to blush in front of more experienced amateurs, and a short time for staging will make it easier to find scarce time. Prepare your performance for your wedding anniversary or surprise your friends with an anniversary dance surprise.

The main goal is to work together, to dance. If your life dance begins to fail, such interaction will be very useful, will awaken passion in you. Try tango or Latin, the choice is yours. And of course, repeat your dance whenever you can. Do you want to continue? Sign up for group lessons.

On a note

I highly recommend paying attention to home clothes. This applies to both partners. You should look so that you are not ashamed to go out and meet colleagues or former classmates. At the same time, clothes should be comfortable for household chores and recreation. Ballet flats, cotton dresses, leggings with elegant tunics - let them replace robes, stretched T-shirts and sweatpants from your wardrobe.

Many couples live according to the principle "He does not drink, does not beat, earns money." And they call it stability. Is such an alliance so unbreakable? Someone alone, sooner or later, may aim at better prospects with another partner. Therefore, you need to work on yourself and on relationships, for yourself, for your man, for your children.

Even if "the marriage was made in heaven" and you were "perfect for each other," you have to work hard.