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Video: Love Of The Future - Relations
The world is changing rapidly. And people change with him. Do you need a family in the modern world? Will paired relationships between people continue? What can keep a man and a woman together for a long enough time?
Tradition, laziness and codependency
No human need can be satisfied on its own. Yes, elementary survival is possible. An example can be some Robinson Crusoe - a person is able to get a minimum of food and hide from the weather alone. But this can hardly be called a fulfilling life. A person needs to belong to some kind of society - a group of people connected by common interests and values. Needs the recognition of colleagues and like-minded people.
There are more personal needs. Finding such needs in oneself and still deciding to present them to another, a person becomes vulnerable. That is why such desires are most often manifested in a couple. In those relationships where there is trust, honesty and openness. A person needs comfort when he is in pain. In the opportunity to show and receive tenderness and care. Acceptance and compassion when sad. In the opportunity to share joy, happiness and delight. In safe solitude.
Learned rules of conduct change for a long time. That is why in the modern world, families will be created on the same foundations that for many centuries in a row. This is a well-learned "must". It is necessary to get married by a certain age. Otherwise, what will parents, relatives, friends say? You just need to, it has always been that way. Why and, most importantly, who needs it is unknown. And by a certain age it is "supposed" to give birth to children. What then to do with these children is unclear.
Great unconditional love - one and for life. As in your favorite book. When it seems that only with this person I can be happy. And without it - decay, emptiness and torment. And only death will part us. In fact, such experiences are painful, in such a relationship, both are uncomfortable. In psychotherapy, this is called codependency.
And families are created out of laziness, fear and insecurity
Why study and work when you can marry a rich and successful one? Exchange your youth and beauty for external well-being. Why try new, take risks, get carried away, earn scars and experience when you can get married and protect yourself from such a dangerous world. Pay for the illusion of stability and security with your own freedom, self-respect, integrity. About 70% of all marriages end in divorce. Perhaps the rest of the families simply do not dare to take this step. In addition, the statistics do not accurately take into account couples who do not formalize their relationship.
In not very happy families, children are born who learn the rules of behavior, those introjects that prompted their parents to get married. This “must”, fear and uncertainty, the search for great unconditional love is transmitted in the human mind from generation to generation.
From need to pleasure
Healthy relationships are comfortable and interesting. They want to reproduce their own kind, learn the world and have fun. The family of the future is an honest partnership. When each partner knows himself well, his strengths and weaknesses. He knows what he wants and what, on the contrary, is better not to try.
No one can feel genuine curiosity, interest, and respect for another person if there is no such curiosity for themselves. But nobody canceled evolution. If the world around has changed, a person can also change. Anyone who has the courage, patience and curiosity to get to know himself can build a good relationship. From which you do not want to run to work, alcohol or to lovers.
The foundation of a satisfying relationship is honest, healthy selfishness. Good knowledge of how comfortable it is for me, what I want, how I should not be treated. Only knowing myself, I can find a partner with whom I will be calm and interesting. With which you can build a house and raise children. Or you can not build, rent a house and travel. To join forces, where similarities reinforce each other, and the difference complements and enriches everyone. The ability to move away and approach, choosing the distance that is convenient for both. Staying together without hurting yourself or your partner.
Self-knowledge, respect and interest in a partner do not at all exclude quarrels, disagreements, quarrels, disputes, worries and passions. There is always some risk in a healthy relationship
I take risks by showing my vulnerability, my weaknesses and my unsightly sides. I risk being rejected, misunderstood, unsupported. If my partner accepts me, my weaknesses, notices and protects them, it gives me a sense of security and respect.
When I know myself well, I can choose a comfortable distance and rhythm of the relationship. Live together or meet once a week. Maintain romance and time for privacy, or share life and enjoy being together. There are no rules. The main questions are “What am I?”, “What do I want?”, “Where am I going?”, “How much warmth, tenderness, care, loneliness, surprises, passion, admiration, humor, safety, risk?”, “How much and what do I have in abundance, what can I share so as not to destroy and betray myself? " Relationships are always an exchange: you - me, I - you.
Partners in the relationship will be kept by healthy selfishness and self-care. The knowledge that I can survive on my own, but with this person I am interested and comfortable. He is dear to me, which means that I notice and respect his needs and boundaries. Knowing that in this relationship I can give, share what I have, and receive what I need.
Sincere interest in oneself and in another person, in his development, way of thinking and creativity. There is no “must” in the family of the future. There is the convenience, interest and importance of another person in my life. Probably the only way love is possible.