Empathy In Simple Words - Relations

Once my children and I went to the theater. I managed to buy seats only in the back rows, and the stage was so-so visible, which, of course, influenced the pleasure of the performance. During the break, my son said: "Oh, it's a pity that we are not sitting in the first row." Feeling a prick of guilt, I began to explain to him that I had bought the tickets that I could.

Interrupting my excuses, my son remarked, “Mom, I just expressed regret. I didn't want you to change anything. " At that moment, I felt that I really couldn't just accept the experience, join in and let go. This is such a skill, or rather a way to live, which I am just learning.

When new clients come to me for therapy, they don’t understand at all what “living” is

“Yes, I realized that I am in a codependent relationship. I feel like a child next to an “adult” man who “should” take care of me and take me in his arms. But what am I to do with all this?"

I begin to explain that this whole complex of reactions and expectations was formed gradually, from childhood, in response to some life circumstances in the family. And you need to live what has not been experienced before. Then the way you build relationships will change.

The client looks at me in bewilderment: I say something that does not fit into his picture of the world. Then for another six months or a year, the client periodically asks me: "What to do?" Until he himself feels that, thanks to living in sessions of his past dramas, memories of moments of pain, confusion, fear, despair, his soul gradually becomes less stressed.

One woman told me that it is difficult for her to complain to her husband. Even just say, "I'm tired." He immediately accepts the complaint on his account. That he did not do something, which makes her suffer. He gets angry, makes excuses, attacks. She says to him: “If I need help, I will ask for help. If I get angry, I'll let you know. Now I just ask to share my condition."

This is a completely new experience in our reality - to share feelings without trying to replace the experience with action. What we call empathy, empathy, empathy, fills relationships, making them more soulful and close.

“Mom, I'm tired of school,” my daughter tells me. I refrain from asking "What are we going to do?" and I say something else: "Do you want me to sympathize with you or to look for a solution?" After listening to my daughter's complaints about boring lessons, about noise in the classroom, about the inconsistency of the teacher, I notice that it becomes easier for her. I hug her and she relaxes. Later we happily make plans for the weekend.