Path To Freedom. How To Restore Emotional Self-Regulation - Self-development

More and more often we hear complaints that people are “dragging home work,” “they have completely forgotten how to rest,” and are not even able to relax for a while. What does this mean? From a psychological point of view, they have impaired emotional self-regulation. Namely, the ability to self-regulation makes a person free

From outside to inside

From the moment of birth, the emotional life of an infant is closely tied to adults

His nervous system is unable to cope with stress on its own. Mom, dad and other relatives act as the regulator of the baby's emotional state, they help him to calm down if he is overexcited; console when upset; cradled when unable to sleep. That is, outwardly they insure the nervous system, protecting it from "overheating".

By the way, some people continue to use this system in adulthood, regulating themselves with the help of significant people. You probably know such couples in which "only he can calm her down", "only with him I feel safe" or "he only obeys her."

Production costs

Our psyche is designed in such a way that under intense loads it goes into working mode

And she needs some time to "cool down" and switch. If you get from your office to your home quickly enough, then it’s not surprising that you will behave with your family like colleagues for a while. Teachers or, say, salespeople, whose work is connected with continuous communication, feel an urgent need to be silent after a hard day in order to recover and switch. By the way, their household, as a rule, know this feature and do not bother the "talker" who has just come home.

Driven horses

In Soviet times, there was a lot of research on the psychohygiene of work

It was believed that it should be productive, but not at the expense of the health of workers. Since then, our attitude to our employees has changed dramatically, and no one is now particularly interested in the price of our successes, the main thing is to have them!

Not surprisingly, a lot of clients now come up with a request: "How to become even more efficient?" - accusing yourself of laziness and lack of willpower. As a rule, it turns out that they are already “plowing” to the limit of their capabilities. And in this case, a psychologist has to work just with the ability to rest.

No sleep, no rest

Those who have learned to drive themselves into work are often proud of their ability to "hardly sleep" and "keep their finger on the pulse all the time" and other signs of workaholism

And here a lot depends on how strong your nervous system and psyche your parents have awarded you. Someone can withstand extreme loads for years, and someone quickly "breaks down".

By the way, such characters are very fond of giving examples of the great creators of the past who have not slept much, for example, Leonardo da Vinci. So, firstly, it would be nice to start with the fact that all of us, to put it mildly, are far from Leonardo, and secondly, in our time there are many more opposite examples, when very talented people died from all kinds of sedatives, trying at least somehow restore the ability to rest.

Waiting for inspiration

A separate conversation about those who would be happy to switch, but they are not able to do it on their own due to their giftedness or talent

These people are at work around the clock, because inspiration can come at any moment, and if you miss it, it may not appear again.

Today, poets, musicians and writers for the most part are not associated with successful people (those few surnames that everyone has heard do not count - it is about business), interest in studying their creative states has noticeably decreased. But this does not cancel a round-the-clock stay "at creative work" and often becomes the cause of family quarrels: "You are not with me all the time!", "What do you think about all the time - I would think about the family!" - well, you yourself can add to the collection of phrases addressed to not very successful creators of various caliber.

Profession - dreamer

Professional inventors on a given topic feel much more successful today

In business, this is welcome and sometimes well paid. Therefore, researchers are now more concerned with creativity as the ability to create some new product or service that is being sold, well, or the ability to convince the customer that this service or product is new and, most importantly, that he cannot live without them. Even such positions have appeared - creative director, creative producer, etc. That’s really who are at work for days!

Spurs of modernity

Life has become extreme in recent years.

We are talking about multitasking and fast switching, which they like to associate with "clip thinking". Emotional life is often the same "clip": a labile (mobile) psyche with shallow emotions is just a gift for survival in the modern world. Many do not think about how accurately the beautiful metaphors with which we describe our existence reflect the changes that are happening to us.

For example, the word “challenge” - or “new challenges” has become fashionable. And in the general wave of enthusiasm for the "coolness" of the new format of existence, unfortunately, the fact that fifteen percent of the population can comfortably live in the "challenge" mode without destroying their natural nature has drowned. For the rest, this is at least a very unsuitable lifestyle.

Old as the world

There is an illusion that you can think of some other ways to recuperate, besides the well-known ones: adequate sleep, regular nutrition, moderate physical activity and a measured life

While these guidelines are simple, they are the hardest to follow. Because they all contradict the very philosophy of modern life - vain and ragged. And admitting to yourself that you do not pull out such a race, albeit for objective reasons, is more terrible for many than losing health. Even doctors, realizing all the unreality of implementation, forget to accompany the prescription of drugs with psycho-hygienic recommendations.

Picture of violations

The nervous system is designed in such a way that the processes of excitation and inhibition in it are balanced

And if life forces you to "press" on excitement all the time, then at some point your "brake system" may fail. The body will respond with a nervous breakdown, neurosis, or depression. You can certainly recall in your environment people who periodically complain that, for example, their eyes are twitching. And this is already a reason to consult a psychotherapist.

The first is usually the ability to relax. A person is "in good shape" all the time, which can gradually affect the whole body. It's no secret that psychological stress can turn into muscle tension. As a result, a person acquires a real "shell" of tense muscles. After some time, even a non-professional may notice that such a person is outwardly "squeezed", his movements are constrained, and his face more and more resembles a mask.

At the same time, sleep begins to suffer, it can become superficial, restless, with frequent awakenings. That is, even if formally a person sleeps for the prescribed eight hours, it is not a fact that he gets enough sleep. We are all familiar with such conditions, but normally they can occur sporadically and be caused by some particularly exciting events. And imagine that you have been sleeping in this mode for years.

For some, the last defense mechanism is activated - depression. In this case, the body seems to say a resolute "no" to overloads and turns off the entire sensory sphere as much as possible. Here you definitely cannot do without the help of specialists.

Learning to rest

At the initial stage, it will be enough just to take into account the peculiarities of your psyche structure and the specifics of your work

That is, give yourself the opportunity and time to switch to home life. Sometimes it is enough to lie down in silence for 15–20 minutes upon returning home, or take a shower, or have dinner in silence. It is important here that your family members also understand the situation and participate in the process of your switching. At least they would not touch you for some time and would not expect, for example, an active participation in family life from you.

Switching attention to other activities also helps. For people of mental labor, it is good if rest is associated with something mechanical that you have to do with your own hands (from washing dishes to playing the violin). It's not for nothing that many successful people in their free time are fond of something completely different from their main occupation. This is where the famous truth about rest as switching attention comes into play.

The worst state of a person is when he ceases to be aware of and control himself

Michel de Montaigne

By the way, this very "free time" must be present, albeit in small amounts, but it must be clearly psychologically indicated - "they say, here I am resting."

When it comes to chronic fatigue and sleep disturbance, you should start by trying to "sleep" your body. But not once or twice to get enough sleep and run on, complaining that nothing has changed, but to restore normal sleep for a long period of time - several weeks, or better months. If you can't get enough sleep, it's a good idea to see a neurologist, psychiatrist, or medical therapist who can prescribe sedatives or mild sleeping pills. And it is better not to bring the matter to such states and give up the habit of increasing the working day by sleeping.

By the way, preliminary results of a unique 75-year-old Harvard study of human life were recently released. They boiled down, in fact, to the confirmation that those people who live longer and feel happier are those people who have spared good relations with loved ones all their lives, and not those who single-handedly achieved wealth and fame.