How To Become A Mom And Not Lose Yourself - The Quality Of Life

Around only talk about what happiness is motherhood. And when a mother-to-be or a newly-made mother tries to hint at the difficulties of her new role, only crushing sounds in response: “Yes, in our time! Just look how good you are! You just don't know how much worse it can be! You need to be patient a little - and everything will work out! The worst is over!"

Find a treasure in yourself

During pregnancy, not only hormonal and physiological changes occur with a woman. Usually, the problems that were in childhood with their own mother are aggravated, as there is a projection: a woman feels as she once felt as a child.

There is helplessness, anxiety, emotions are exacerbated. If a woman was sentimental, she will become even more sensitive: tears on every occasion. If she noticed some fears behind herself, they will be even stronger, because there is no fulcrum. Material and physical dependence on her husband is added to psychological helplessness. The worst part is that no deep therapy can be performed during pregnancy. It can hurt: the woman is already bad, and if she still plunges into some painful conditions, it will be even worse.

But if a woman constantly has conflicts with others, if she has a feeling of dissatisfaction with herself, with life, she wants to change something, then it is worth going to a specialist

He will not work deeply, therapy will focus on resources: to unearth something that lay like a treasure in a chest. The chest must be opened and its contents can be used so that there is something to cope with anxiety, to move away fear, to abstract from bad thoughts, until a child is born, until he is at least a year old.

Difficult role

In the maternity hospital, almost every woman in labor is faced with the fact that she is told not at all what she would like to hear. This is a very painful and acute moment. If it is very important for a woman what they say, what they think, how the people who are nearby will behave, naturally this will influence the woman very strongly, upset her and negatively affect the child. We must learn to close, remember that you are good, worthy of love and respect, even if others say the opposite.

It's better to think about the fact that there is a child nearby who loves you, despite the fact that everyone behaves this way

If a young mother is unable to rebuild and feel comfortable in a new role, you can advise her any creativity. Do something with your hands: draw, sculpt, sew, knit, whatever. Creativity is the best medicine, it is the most powerful, if not the only means that can help a person to "pull himself out" of himself. Another thing is that often there is neither energy nor time for a hobby. Then you can use any relaxation techniques, with the exception of those based on breathing restructuring.

Mother is never lonely

To classify single mothers in a separate category by status is a kind of disrespect. She is the same mother, she has the same problems. Sometimes the husband is purely formal, so this and that, it turns out, the woman is left without support and she has to find the strength and cope alone. But single mothers sometimes face pressure and sometimes condemnation from parents. A sense of guilt is also added, which is greater than that of a married woman.

The status of a “single mother” is, first of all, an additional benefit, and not “Look at her, she could not keep the man”. This was the case with us before, and it is unpleasant to realize such a cultural phenomenon. For example, in Cyprus, the condemnation goes towards the man. If the woman is alone, it means that the man has failed. In general, it is necessary without any hesitation to use everything that the state provides: all benefits, allowances and so on. And no one has the right to condemn a woman if she uses her social status to the maximum.

Dad can

If a man has not reached a certain level of emotional development and is sufficiently infantile, it will be difficult for him: he will have to share his wife and child. And jealousy, and some kind of resentment can arise: "She's been busy with the child for days, and I'm deprived here." It depends on the level of emotional development. The feeling of fatherhood, as a rule, does not come with the birth of a baby, but when the child already begins to communicate with dad.

The man did not carry the child for nine months, did not feel it, so contact is not being established so quickly

This usually happens when there is feedback from the child when he starts talking. Then the man's sense of himself, the perception of the family changes, there is responsibility for his wife as well.

To help his wife, a man can take over housework, change at least something in his life that was before the birth of the child: friends, time associated with them, habits. For example, "I come, do not touch me for two hours." Even if he simply cuts these two hours to an hour, the woman already understands that he bears this burden with her.

Support is the most important thing, and it can be achieved through some kind of change. The main thing is that they are visible to both new parents.