"My Son Doesn't Want To Go Anywhere!" - Society

My son is 17 years old, he finished school. He does not want to go anywhere, he says that he will be either a professional gamer or a DJ. Provides examples of successful people who did not graduate from college. I don't want to put pressure on him, at the same time I understand that it will be difficult for him without education. In addition, he will be taken into the army, where he will forget half of the school curriculum. Anastasia, 38 years old

Anastasia, it looks like you raised an honest, courageous and unusual boy! You were able to create a relationship in which he can openly admit his unwillingness to go to university and present you with an alternative vision of his future. He has some idea of what he wants, and your disagreement does not scare him.

Of course, you are concerned about the fate of your son - and this is understandable. But remember, when you were 17, there was much less choice. You would really like your son to rely on some proven solutions, they seem to be safer. The army is not as crippling today as it was 15-20 years ago, but the possibility of getting there still scares parents.

Sometimes at the age of 17 it is difficult to imagine what exactly you want to do, the tips of your parents, on the one hand, help - give at least some direction, and on the other hand, they do a disservice, do not allow your own decision to arise and mature

But this is one of the most important decisions of adulthood! You can push - and now the son will already please the family and act out some family scenarios. And when he wakes up - "bam"! He is already 30! And then he will go through a big crisis of finding a new self or resignation with the inherited fate.

But sometimes children choose some kind of activity just to spite their parents, for example, "you want me to be an economist, and I will travel around the world and work as a waitress." Try to clarify how genuine the desire is to “become a gamer or a DJ”.

You can help your son think about how his future will be built. First he will go to the army, then he will return - and how exactly will he immerse himself in the profession? How will the work start? Or will she choose some kind of additional education?

You can simply simulate different scenarios. Or offer some kind of higher education, which "will not be superfluous" - for example, foreign languages. For serious gamers and DJs, they come in very handy. Such conversations "ground", make it possible to compare dreams with reality, to compare the requirements of professions with their capabilities. You also need to deal with your fears and worries.

Admit to yourself honestly which future of your son scares you the most, what fears you dispel before going to bed

Think about how your son can cope in difficult circumstances and how you can help him. By the way, it is very good to carry out such practices together with a family psychologist.

In fear and anxiety, it is almost impossible to make a rational decision. Try to reduce your anxiety. After calming down, talk to your son and find out what he really wants and how much it all relates to reality.

Your own calmness and “exploratory attitude” to solving it will help your son to “ground” and choose his own path