Love Indiscriminately - Relationship, Sex

Promiscuity - the frequent change of sexual partners - is nowadays a common type of sexual behavior. There are no restrictions on the number of sexual relationships in modern society. Is this normal?

In the same boat

In a nightclub from two to five at prime time, I'm looking for a princess, a girl for a relationship, although I understand that the chances are slim. By seven in the morning, the bar drops very much. I take almost any that agrees and go home with her. At twelve in the afternoon, when the forces leave me, and consciousness returns, the bar rises again. In the morning there is some flaw in any of them. And we don't meet again.

Dmitry, 31 years old

Among men, there are attitudes that the number of partners determines the success, the demand for a “male” and is explained by his gender nature (“to fertilize as many females as possible”). At the same time, the phenomenon of “sexual busting” has long gone beyond gender. Studies have shown that, on average, the number of partners for men and women is approximately the same. That is, we are not talking about masculine nature, but about social, cultural processes, about the features of the era.

16.7% of compatriots (in Russia, studies of promiscuity have been conducted since 2013, to date more than 1000 people aged 18 to 50 have taken part in it) reported that they have five or more sexual partners a year. According to statistical calculations, the number of sexual partners does not depend on the presence of a permanent (or official) partner.

Indulging the sexual instinct is akin to indulging an excessive appetite

Alfred Adler

On the one hand, short-term sexual relations are an affordable way to make up for the lack of emotional closeness, to avoid loneliness. On the other hand, they make it impossible to detect conflicts and / or find the reasons for internal dissatisfaction.

We have a wonderful family with two children. There is no problem with sex. I let my husband whatever he wants. Sometimes we get to know a girl together and invite her home. I'm not against threesome sex, I even like it. But my husband is always unhappy with me, and sometimes it seems to me that we are on the verge of divorce. What else does he need?

Elena, 33 years old

Social networks and dating sites support "sex trafficking." Sexuality virtualization contributes to the acceleration and multiplication of intimate contacts.

Today (in some Western countries almost completely) the institutions that regulate sexual life - the institution of family and marriage - have been destroyed and continue to collapse, the birth rate is falling.

Sex is not trendy

In the last century, psychologists have often written about the separation of sensory and sexual components in relationships. But the division also takes place on another plane - the sexual, together with the sensual, is increasingly being separated from the "social." Sensual pleasures become embarrassing, while a socially desirable "facade" is presented to the world. Behind him, many remain lonely, misunderstood, depriving themselves of real intimacy.

It's a shame to admit that when my girlfriend is in bed and wants sex, I go to the shower, take my computer with me, watch porn and masturbate. I go out and go to bed.

Andrey, 35 years old

In light of the above, statements that “sex is out of fashion” or that “there is no sex” becomes clearer. Separated from its core, sex is of dubious value and serves other social spheres.

Sex sells well - gets involved in trade - directly or indirectly. Psychology professor Aleksandr Bondarenko says that a model in which relationships are built on the principle of a project has come from the corporate culture and has taken root. And the design philosophy assumes that after the opening, sooner or later, "closure" will follow.

At some point, promiscuity ceases to be the search for a single partner for life. The heroization of prostitutes and pornographic actresses in this situation is natural.

Belle de Jour, MD, is world renowned for publishing a memoir of how she worked as a "call girl", combining scientific activity with the sale of sexual services. A former student of MGIMO tells how she emigrated to Europe and made a career as a porn actress.

Personality pathology

Before I met her, I was a sex machine. I had hundreds of women, sometimes several a day. She replaced everyone for me, we began to live together, hibernated in the tropics, lived a paradise life. And then it was over. I guess I'm just not capable of a permanent relationship.

Timur, 28 years old

The choice of promiscuity as the most appropriate way of organizing a sexual life is associated with a change in a person's personality. This became the hypothesis of one of the studies conducted among 50 men who registered on one of the most popular dating sites. It was possible to establish some connections between the number of women and the mental state of the subjects. And also to make a psychological portrait of a man who is in the process of constant sexual busting.

He, for example, also disdains other social norms and restrictions. For example, he believes that the desired should be achieved at any cost, including by force or deception. He is afraid of manipulation by others and humiliation, picking up on the shortcomings and mistakes of other people. And at the same time, it is extremely difficult for him to endure loneliness. The more sexual partners such a man has, the more he is hostile and suspicious of people, and the general level of mental ill-being increases with the number of women who have been with such a man in bed.

Quantity does not mean quality

We all found ourselves "in the same boat" of an infinite variety of choices. And making this choice becomes more and more difficult every day, because the presence of endless opportunities for sexual contacts is associated with losses in their depth, intimacy, intimacy.

Expert opinion

Chronicle of one betrayal

Now let's turn to a woman whose man does not consider himself attached to her. He allows himself to be with others. And now you learned about the betrayal. Shock? Can't breathe? Breathe, the air hasn't changed. What happened? Gave it under the gut? Is it unexpected? After all, "all eyes have seen and ears have heard." How is Freud doing?

Crowding out?

Now it's time to think about what you want. Scandal? Interrogation with passion, wringing his hands: "How could you?" If you want Hiroshima in one single family - go ahead. But the question is: what next? Look at the world that you have created around you. The people around you.

How is the picture? Real or not really? We often hide behind a pretty facade. The facade collapsed. Here it is, reality. Let's try to live in it.

Olga DYACHUK,

psychologist, writer