Experiencing Grief - Society

With the participation of the Vera Hospice Fund It is difficult to come to terms with the loss of someone you loved deeply and dearly. It seems that melancholy, feelings of hopelessness and depression are irresistible. Every person who has lost a loved one goes through a period of grief and grief. This text is about coping with grief and pain and learning how to live after loss.

When death separates from loved ones, a person begins to think that no one has suffered as he suffers. However, adversity knows no exceptions. But the way we deal with grief is truly unique and personal.

Grief is a painful experience, but it is important to know and trust that the pain will subside. For emotional wounds to heal, different people take different times.

A grieving person cannot always control their feelings. How do experiences usually go?

Shock and denial are the first reactions to loss. Disbelief in the reality of what is happening and something like emotional numbness accompany a person during this period. "It couldn't really happen!" - most often he says in this state.

Anger at yourself and others for not being able to prevent loss is another stage of experience. It is a protection from unbearable pain and the realization of the inevitability of what happened. Why did this happen to me? - the question arises. Sometimes anger can be directed at the one who died (“Who did you leave us with?”). When it is impossible to pour out anger on the deceased, other "victims" are sought. In grief, people tend to be critical of those around them, who live as if nothing had happened.

Guilt for doing or not doing to prevent loss is a frequent companion of grief. The endless chorus "Oh, if only …" sounds in the soul of a person. Sometimes these reproaches are addressed to someone else: “If the“ambulance”arrived faster …”; "If I were there, I would help …" … Sometimes the state of guilt is caused by the feeling of relief experienced after the death of a person suffering from a long illness. In such cases, they sometimes say: "Well, at last I have suffered." And then the feeling of guilt for such words and such thoughts raises the soul.

Depression, feeling of physical and mental exhaustion, inability and unwillingness to perform even the usual and necessary activities are also common manifestations of grief. Grief paralyzes all the usual feelings inherent in living people. “Everything seemed to be numb to me,” a person describes his condition. To those who have experienced personal tragedy, it seems that everything around has changed: food has lost its taste, the world has become hostile, nothing brings satisfaction. Tears come unexpectedly, sometimes for no reason. Depression is like a gloomy day, when clouds cover the sun so much that it seems as if it is no longer shining.

Loneliness and fear from unexpected responsibility and possible changes in life are frequent companions of this difficult period. A person is frightened by the problems ahead and the need to build new relationships.

Hope arises when a person accepts his loss. Memories are less painful, and you can focus on a future filled with hope.

The following words helped one woman cope with the loss of her mother: “Do not resist grief. Patiently walk the entire sad path - step by step, without trying to sideline. Drink the bitter cup to the bottom. Every day we experience burning pain, for we are surrounded by what is left after our loved ones - the clothes that they wore; letters written by them; the books they read; the chairs they sat on; the music they loved; the streets they walked along. Sad and sad, painful - but what would we be without these memories? Maybe it's better to break with the past faster so that this pain will subside? No, truly loving hearts will say that in sorrow they find new joy - a joy known only to the sufferers.

Grief labor is a gradual process in which the suffering person seeks to achieve spiritual healing. This requires a lot of effort - mental, physical, spiritual

It is impossible to offer any proprietary recipes or three simple rules for overcoming personal grief. However, a person can help themselves cope with grief by giving proper attention to their emotional and physical needs.

To maintain emotional health, it is necessary to encourage the outward manifestations of grief. We are endowed with lacrimal glands for a reason, so there is nothing to be embarrassed about when they act. It is very bad that courage and tears are considered in our society as two opposites. Men shouldn't see their tears as a sign of weakness. If someone is embarrassed to cry in public, then nothing will prevent you from crying alone.

Restraining emotions in order to "hold on well" and show "fortitude", a person can harm his health, and far from harmless. Mourning for a loved one is a manifestation of love, not weakness. Expressing grief is not a sign of a lack of courage, but of our humanity. Sometimes it’s important to talk about your feelings out loud to get rid of anxiety and fear. You should accept help from those who offer it, or ask for help when you need it.

Relatives and friends want to help, but often do not know what to do at all until the person himself tells what he needs.

It is important to know that keeping a diary, writing a book, drawing allows you to express all your experiences with the degree of frankness that a person can hardly afford with an interlocutor. This is a kind of dialogue with oneself, and the only difference is that on paper it is more clearly formulated, which means it is meaningful.

It is important to remember that there are people around you who need you. Caring for and helping them allows them to return warmth to their hearts, switch to activity, return to active communication, find new meaning and goals in life.

Another important point. Grief-stricken people should remember to take care of their health. You need to rest, eat right, exercise regularly. Be alert for symptoms such as headaches, nausea, dizziness, tremors, heartburn, heavy breathing, weight loss, insomnia, fatigue, etc. that may be associated with stress. If they persist, you should seek medical attention. And in general, do not hesitate to seek professional help if you need it.

No matter how thick the darkness may seem, sooner or later glimmers of hope begin to appear in it

The intervals between periods of unbearable grief and distress increase. At first it is an hour spent without painful memories, then a few hours, then a day. First night of normal sleep. Re-emerged taste of food. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the return to life begins. Memories become tender and not as painful as before. The smile ceases to be forced, finding its naturalness.

The grief experienced by a person who has lost a loved one can last for different times, but it will definitely end:

• the realization that the past, no matter how bright and unforgettable it may be, is forever in the past;
• recognition that life goes on and the present - the present day - requires you to focus on it;
• understanding that you have a future ahead with its new and varied possibilities.

Tribulation is often referred to as “the time of crying,” but it is a normal process that ultimately brings healing from deep shock

Helping terminally ill people - the

Vera Foundation hotline:

8-800-700-84-36 (round the clock and free of charge)