How To Help A Child In A Difficult Situation

Do you think whining and complaining about school is a sign of laziness? Do you think you just need to motivate the child for educational feats? Just make it happen and things quickly change for the better? If anxiety for the future of their beloved child is added to such attitudes, parents can no longer calmly assess the situation and make the right decision.

Don't panic! Start with yourself

Publicist Scott Stossel recently released a book calling modern life "an age of anxiety." The book quickly became a bestseller, as the excitement increases every day. And this is understandable: technologies are developing at an insane speed, many corporations are even abandoning long-term strategic planning, replacing it with agile planning, flexible and malleable.

In a situation of uncertainty about the future, parental fears and anxieties are activated like never before. And since school is the threshold of adulthood, it begins to seem - one wrong step, wrong choice - and the beloved child will no longer be able to find the wonderful life of a dream.

Add to this the approaching or already approaching adolescence of a schoolchild, and try to imagine calm parents - you are unlikely to succeed. But if you have to figure out the causes of school problems and make a decision about changing schools, you must first of all calm down. Qualified psychologists are able to support in such situations, and often just a couple of meetings are enough for parents to feel more confident and can begin to resolve the situation without excessive emotions.

Hatred of the school does not arise from scratch. Something went wrong, and the first thing you can do to help your child is to believe there is a reason. And find this reason

How are things at home? Check family relationships

The family will have to start the search. One of the options that needs to be eliminated or corrected at the very beginning is relationships with loved ones. Maybe in the last year and a half there have been serious changes - the birth of new children, moving, changing class or school, the death of someone close / friends (both your child and you), conflicts, divorce, separation? If any of these events took place, but you do not see the connection with the child's behavior, it is still better to dig deeper into this option. You are inside the family system - in the very center of events, and it is difficult to see the whole picture from your perspective. In addition, the relationships between situations and child behavior are not always linear and simple.

Another option is disunity between family members. Chronic misunderstandings often occur between parents, or between one of them and grandparents. When a child sees squabbles, nagging, even not directed against him, this is a chance for the manifestation of rebellious qualities. Or for depressive indifference to everything around.

There is also hostility towards the student, excessive exactingness or, conversely, permissiveness - in general, unbalanced relations. And then the child wants to rebel or "score" on everything.

It can be difficult to admit that children have problems due to some family troubles. But the good news is that these difficulties can be dealt with. The situation in the family will improve - the child's attitude towards school will change.

Intimate talk. What and how to ask

Not all parents manage to talk frankly with a student. Some things children prefer not to discuss. It is important for you to prepare for the conversation. Think of calls from insurance companies and banks. Call center operators use special objection techniques. You, too, need to master the techniques for building a trusting supportive dialogue.

Variants of phrases that will help:

• “You probably don’t want to tell me because you’re afraid of punishment or my reaction? I promise to listen calmly and work with you to consider options for action. "
• “You don’t want to talk about the school so as not to be a whistleblower? This is understandable, but now you have a problem, and it is important to solve it. I can help you and I promise not to do anything without discussing with you. "
• “You don’t want to give me additional trouble? I know I’m getting tired a lot lately and you miss my attention. But my most important job is to help you, and I am ready / and now to find the strength to cope with your tasks. "

Reputational risks. How to reduce

Often the reason for hatred towards school is conflict or misunderstanding with the teacher. Imagine that you are a mediator - a person who negotiates with all conflicting parties. Talk to your child first, find out what's going on. Is he hurt, angry, scared? What does he hear from teachers? Then, while maintaining your negotiating position, talk to the teacher and try to find some kind of compromise. If it doesn't work out, consider changing the school. Unfortunately, if you cannot agree with the teacher, and the conflict has gone far, most likely, the school has already formed a prejudice against your child. It is simply impossible to change this.

If you have problems with classmates, clarify the situation from all sides and consider whether you can fix something. In some cases, talking to teachers, other children's parents, or communication training for your child will help. But if the child has already developed a persistent negative image, it is not so easy to improve it. Remember "first you work for the student's record-book, then the record-book works for you." It's the same at school. A good image helps build relationships with teachers and classmates, while a bad one gets worse every year.

Shilo - NOT for soap! If you had to change school

And so you clarified everything and made a difficult decision - to transfer to another school. But it happens that difficulties pass from one school to another with the child. You need to build a strategy for behavior in a new place. Even if the problem was in a specific teacher, and now the team is much better - all the same, children quickly get used to the role of a loser or a renegade. But you can help!

Work with your child to consider how best to form a first impression of yourself. Remember what mistakes were made in the old school, study this experience so as not to step on the same rake Decide what image will be most favorable for the child in the new place. Do not jump over your head or underestimate the position. It is better to choose a step according to your strength. What actions, what behavior correspond to this role? Brainstorm with your child to model appropriate behaviors. Good preparation is half the battle. But the other half is your readiness at first to support your child a lot and to discuss emerging difficulties "on the spot." This will allow you to rebuild the previous scenario.

Building relationships is a skill that is useful for a child not only in school, and teaching him is an important parental task.