Happy Holidays Designer - Relations

Vacation is a real challenge for the family! And this is not a joke, because in ordinary life, spouses have very little time to communicate. How many important words and thoughts remain unspoken, how many feelings we do not have time to share with each other! And it is on vacation that these reservations get the right to life. But when there is a heavy backpack with open situations behind you, you will not be able to rest lightly.

Rest is stress

It all starts with the road, often with flight delays, customs checks or long traffic jams. Then finally settling in, unpacking suitcases, setting up everyday moments. And rest? It seems that yes, the rest should begin. But for an organism that has changed the time zone or climate, or even simply changed the usual rhythm of life, adaptation begins at this moment.

And if there are two adapting, then their relationship also begins to adapt to new conditions. This takes time, at least a week. And then the real rest will begin.

Often in five to ten days of what we call a vacation, we simply do not have time to reach the stage of "rest". And we also try to stuff so many things in there that we get overwhelmed.

"Oh, these psychologists came up with the idea that rest is stress!" - one of the readers will say. But both neurologists and psychophysiologists agree with psychologists. It is not for nothing that the vacation is at least four weeks, and preferably in one package. Then the body manages to adapt to new conditions, cope with all the disappointments of the "expectation - reality" type, organize entertainment for itself and relax. But not everyone manages to take a vacation for more than 15 days in a row - we are very valuable workers! Therefore, you need to help your body and your relationship quickly adapt and start actually resting.

Anxiety day is more exhausting than a week of work

John Lubbock

Eight reasons for quarrels

one

Vacation is a separate small life with an unusual daily routine, with a different climate, in new and often unpredictable living conditions. Everyone experiences stress differently, but many become more irritable and sensitive.

2

We want different things! Sometimes, for example, a husband and wife agree to go to Greece. The husband thinks: "Well, it's a no brainer that this is a beach vacation," while the wife may have other expectations: "To go to Greece and not see the Athenian Acropolis is a waste of money!" It often seems that the choice of the country itself speaks of the type of vacation, the spouses do not see the need to discuss this. But these reservations will surely be revealed, and even at the most inopportune moment.

3

Over the course of many months, in the work-home-work regime, the spouses have accumulated many unspoken grievances. And on vacation, these moments pop up at the first opportunity. The reason may be completely innocent - for example, the husband forgot to remind the waiter that his wife prefers sugar-free coffee - and then it began!

It turns out that this reminded my wife of several situations at once where she felt forgotten or alone. And she may remain silent for some time, trying not to spoil her vacation, but attempts to hide her feelings also do not lead to the desired result.

The fact is that, by hiding our feelings, we can no longer remain in close and sincere contact with another person.

4

Even if the spouses discussed in advance possible disagreements and ways to resolve them, something may not go according to plan. Living conditions can disappoint someone, for example. And then either the spark flashes right away, or the disappointment of one of the partners can become a time bomb.

5

It happens that one of the spouses prefers to spend part of the time alone, while the other wants to be together absolutely all the time. If it was discussed in advance and came to a sincere compromise, then there will be no problems. But most often one of the spouses agrees formally, hoping to achieve "justice" on the spot.

6

Finance. For this reason, some couples choose all inclisive tours, so as not to worry about prices and failed attempts to save money.

7

Jealousy - There are plenty of opportunities to experience jealousy on vacation. And because of this, you can also swear a lot and passionately.

8

And it happens that there is no reason for conflicts. But just in ordinary life, when we feel a little stress, we can go for a walk or go to the store or stay at work - to distance ourselves a little from our partner. And on vacation there is not always such an opportunity. And there is no experience of coping with stress, being around all the time.

Quarrels are inevitable

Accept that conflicts can arise despite your best efforts.

If you know that some topics are explosive, agree or not to touch them, or discuss strictly according to the rules. If it comes to a quarrel, then it is also according to the rules. For example, swearing or discussing difficult topics is possible only during the day. Create a ritual of reconciliation. One hugs, the other kisses. Or you both write letters about the unsaid and put them off until you return from vacation. And after that you hug. Be sure to re-establish contact after an argument. Think about what common interests and hobbies can bring you back on a wave of relaxation after an argument.

May your vacation be cloudless, calm and relaxed! And if suddenly a quarrel or misunderstanding ruins the mood - just act according to the developed plan.

Instruction for vacationers

• Discuss in advance what each of you wants to do on vacation. You can write on the list of your wishes, and then compare them. It will turn out such a joint forecasting of pleasant moments of vacation - and this can already be considered the beginning of a vacation.
• Choose from these lists or add additionally what you would like to do together. Perhaps not everything will be implemented and some points will remain for the future.
• Think about what each of you definitely would not like to face on vacation.
• In a romantic setting, discuss how much sex you would like on vacation. Yes, sexual expectations are also useful to compare!
• Attitude to alcohol: it can be unpleasant to see your other half constantly with a glass in hand and tipsy. Find a compromise in this thread.
• Some couples agree to spend some of the time together and some separately. Discuss it, make some semblance of a schedule, at least verbally - to avoid misunderstandings.
• Think about what might disappoint you and your partner on vacation - living conditions, neighbors, noise, etc.
• Imagine what will help you cope with disappointment - for example, sometimes it makes sense to be ready immediately upon check-in to request a different number. Or choose the quietest / liveliest / cutest place for lunch right from the start.
• Discuss how you can support each other if one of you faces disappointment. Simple words “I see you are upset, I’m ready to help you if you tell me exactly how” can smooth out the unpleasant moment.
• Think about the little things that can help support you and your partner if things don't go as expected. If it was not possible to discuss this in advance, draw up a similar action plan on the spot.