The Most Valuable Gift - Interview

A woman of extraordinary appearance, a delicate musician, mother and daughter Nargiz Zakirova shares with the readers of Our Psychology her intimate thoughts about love, trauma, family, music, obstacles in creativity and even fears.

Biography

She was born on October 6, 1970 in Tashkent. At the age of four, Nargiz performed on stage for the first time, at the age of 15 she appeared with the song "Remember Me" at the song festival "Jurmala-86", where she received the Audience Award.

1995 - emigrated from Uzbekistan to the USA with her parents and daughter.

2001 - recorded the album "Golden Cage" in the ethno style.

2013 - took second place in the Russian television musical project "The Voice".

2014 - together with producer and composer Maxim Fadeev she recorded her debut solo single "I am not yours".

2015 - the second single "You are my tenderness" and the third one - "I don't believe you!"

2016 - release of the fourth single "Run", the release of the debut solo album "Heart Murmur" and the premiere of the joint track Nargiz and Maxim Fadeev "Together".

The song "Together" is about the importance of support in relationships, about consonance in a couple. Have you had any experience of such a relationship?

Yes, and only once, and already at a conscious age, at the age of 25. Before that, there were love, but I did not attach much importance to the depth of the relationship. It was a wonderful experience, although the story has already ended, but behind the back is almost 20 years of marriage. Such an experience, even if it is the only one, is a great achievement. Many people take momentary love for a serious relationship, then a terrible disappointment comes, and this is followed by the conviction that love is only in movies and books. But she is.

Can't everyone love?

It depends on the person himself. Love comes to someone who is open to it, knows what to do with it. This is an absolutely unbridled feeling, it can only be compared with a volcano: it cannot be stopped, and you do not know where it can lead. Only people who know how to love can cope with this. Love is the most precious gift.

Nargiz, you are from a musical family. The choice of profession was probably predetermined?

Mom and Dad, on the contrary, discouraged me in every possible way. Today it is easier for artists: both the technology is better, and the living conditions. And when my parents toured, it was more complicated. They didn't want me to go through all these difficulties. They did not openly forbid, they simply were not supporters, and once they said: "Okay, we see that you cannot be persuaded, just know - you must be very strong." I didn't even think about the difficulties, I just knew that I didn't want to do anything else.

Awards and achievements

• Project "Voice" - second place
• Award "Muz-TV 2015", award "RU. TV 2015" - "The best rock project"
• MUSICBOX Award 2015 - Singer of the Year
• "Golden Gramophone" - for the song "You are my tenderness"
• MUSICBOX 2016 award - Nargiz and Max Fadeev, "Duet of the Year"
• "Golden Gramophone" - for the song "I don't believe you"

How is your internal dialogue built? Who do you hear: an internal critic or an internal advocate?

I am a very difficult person. Sometimes it seems to me that I can make the right decision. The inside lawyer says, "Yes, that's absolutely true." But here the critic comes in, and I often reproach myself for some decisions. Still, the critic prevails. I am a fairly free person, but I still have complexes that I just can't overcome.

What are these complexes associated with?

I am 46 years old, but, probably, I will never forget some small psychological trauma inflicted on me in childhood. But I know how to cope with this, how not to embitter the whole world, not to take revenge. Apparently, I will never stop digging into myself, doubting. I practice self-criticism too much. But this is much better than if I considered myself to be absolutely successful.

Have you had creative crises and, if so, how did you overcome them?

As a child, when I sang Remember Me, I felt that I was not performing what I wanted. In New York, I worked on stage. It was not a concert hall, but still I did what I loved. Starting work in today's Russia was a continuous creative crisis, my freedom of choice was limited. And if the artist doesn't do what he wants, that's a big trouble.

“Artists need to steam, music is freedom. And when a creative person is limited, their wings are clipped and they say, suppose: "You will play music of such and such a direction," then, of course, he will play, but it will only be a technique, and music cannot exist without a soul "

The most terrible word for a creative person is lack of demand. But on the other hand, a crisis may be a sign that you need to rest a little, think, understand yourself, and ultimately improve your health. Do not be discouraged at this moment, it's all about the right mood. If you perceive the crisis as a catastrophe, then you really become useless to anyone. Believe in yourself anyway.

How important is originality in appearance to you?

If I was asked this question when I was 16 years old, I would answer: "This is more important to me than being a good singer." At this age, I belonged to the "ugly ducklings", I was very complex about my appearance. I did not meet the beauty criteria of that time. For example, I was worried that I have plump lips, a big mouth, thin legs. And I had troubles: children teased, conflicts constantly arose. I was a rather downtrodden child.

The breakthrough happened only when I went to the competition in Jurmala in 1986. After my speech, not only the teachers, but also my classmates changed their attitude towards me, although outwardly I did not change. It was very unpleasant for me. I remember that the head teacher of the school, a very unkind woman, once ran into the classroom and noticed the varnish on the nails of my classmate. “Shameless! - she soared. - Aren `t you ashamed?! Look at Nargiz - she is famous, but she doesn't paint her nails. Take an example from her! " Such hypocrisy just cut me down.

At some point, I decided to act the way I want, as it is convenient for me. She learned to say “no”, not to be afraid, stopped paying attention to rumors, smirks, and gained inner freedom. From early childhood, I knew absolutely exactly what was good and what was bad, and now I learned to trust myself. My parents did not limit me absolutely in anything, I did everything I wanted. At the same time, she always strove for good.

Musical family

Nargiz was born into a well-known musical family in Uzbekistan. Mother - Louise Zakirova, a pop singer popular in the 1960s – 1970s, who performed, in particular, in a duet with her brother Batyr Zakirov. Nargiz's father, Pulat Mordukhaev, was a drummer in an ensemble led by Batyr Zakirov.

It is very important that the parents were so understanding and loving. Psychologists believe that all our problems stem from childhood traumas

I was a pathologically beloved daughter of both mom and dad. I am an only child, and my parents gave all their love to me. They didn't lecture me, they didn't scold me too much. We often had a lot of people in the house. I saw no bigotry, no evil, no betrayal. This is probably why she did not get embittered. I am very proud that I can love.

Nargiz, you have become an idol for pretty young people. Do you feel like their age?

Of course. I feel young. However, among my fans there are not only young people, there are children and old people as well. Any creative person, not only an artist, but also an artist and writer would wish such a wide audience. I am the absolute maximalist. And if I do something on stage, then I give everything. And it becomes close to people - not only adults, but also children. I do everything very honestly, I don't know how to lie. Lying on stage is not permissible for an artist.

How do you feel about modern technology - in life and in music?

I'm a small adherent of gadgets, and I don't like social networks either. I'm not interested in this. I limit myself to two pages: Facebook and Instagram, saving time. I have practically no selfies there: “here I am sitting now”, “I am going” or “I am eating”, only announcements, invitations to events, clips of my friends. I had a very bitter experience with posting photos of my children and my grandson, so no one will ever see them on social networks again. I had no idea before how cruel people can be, that they can write something under the post of a child who is not yet a year old. TVs are getting thinner, but I hardly watch anything. I'm not a gadget man.

Singles

• 2006 - Alla
• 2008 - Land
• 2014 - "I am not yours"
• 2015 - "You are my tenderness", "I don't believe you!"
• 2016 - "Run", "Together" (together with Maxim Fadeev), "Do not part with your loved ones" (together with Maxim Fadeev)

Are you a superstitious person?

Yes, I am superstitious to the point of stupidity, even then it becomes funny. For example, I say: "Do not whistle in the house, there will be no money." I seem to know that this is sheer delusion, but still prone to caution. Not being magicians and not possessing some incredible powers, we can react to absolutely any setting. Some people believe that any elementary thing is a sign, and this already turns into a disease.

Do you have to sacrifice the interests of your family to please work?

Of course, this is happening now: for the fourth year now I have been living here in Russia. I see my children only on Facetime or Skype. My mom is in New York, she misses so much, and so do I. I have three children, a grandson who has just begun to speak, and I observe it through a monitor: not physical closeness, but computer communication. But thank you for such technologies. When I was in the second or third grade, my mother went on tour. For me it was just universal grief. She gave me the phone number of the hotel receptionist. And I called: "Hello, hello, can my mom come to the phone?" I thought everyone knew that my mother lived in this hotel. Then, of course, she explained to them, mom went downstairs. And sometimes I didn't call, and it was generally scary.

Is there an addiction to fame?

Unfortunately yes. It can be compared to a hard drug. Very often, artists begin to lose their heads, a terrible star fever sets in. This is a serious diagnosis, I have come across this more than once. Sadly, this is incurable. Fortunately, this is not my story. This has not happened to me and will never happen, because I was brought up like that - I am content with what I have.

Do you accept everything in yourself?

Good question. On the one hand, everything, and on the other, nothing. For example, I hate watching my performances on tape. I constantly have claims to myself. But I also praise myself often, quietly, so that only I can hear. I also praise myself for the way I raised my children, for their actions. If a child makes the right choice, this is the greatest reward for me.

What are you afraid of?

Lose your mom. She is a very active and cheerful woman. But I know that someday this will happen, and it is impossible to prepare yourself for this. Mom is a person who is always in my life. She is still my main mentor.

EXPERT OPINION

More openness

It's always nice to read an interview with an intelligent, creative, reflective person. But the phrase about “small psychological traumas inflicted in childhood” makes you grab your head and turn to all fellow psychologists: how much can you use this already? People are so used to the fact that everything can be attributed to childhood traumas that they do not want to work on real themselves. So Nargiz experiences it in the same way: as if the trauma is something separate, some kind of external intervention, and she is on her own. But we understand that all these are facets of one personality. Personality creative, bright, deserved its fame. And afraid of being unclaimed because she loves her job too much. After all, it is difficult to imagine a plumber, offended by the whole world, who would complain of "lack of demand". With Nargiz, everything is fine, except for one thing. I would still advise her to reconsider her views on communication on social networks. This is a form of interaction equivalent to physical contact. And you shouldn't neglect it because of a couple of internet trolls.

Boris NOVODERZHKIN,

family psychologist, psychotherapist