Holiday Romance And Its Consequences - Relations

I was recently on vacation in Thailand. There he met three compatriots - a married couple and their girlfriend. We went everywhere together - on excursions, to clubs and cafes. Once, after a party, this friend invited me to her room. There was sex. After returning to Moscow, this woman found my page on the social network and began to write to me that she wanted to meet. I explained that I was married and I didn't need it. But she insists and threatens that she will write to his wife about what happened in Thailand. What to do? I know I’m guilty, but I don’t want to ruin my family because of casual sex. Alexey, 37 years old

If you, having written to the magazine, want to shift the responsibility onto all of us, I will say right away - it will not work. Another question is if you agree to speculate, analyze the situation and its consequences and make your own decision - regardless of whether it coincides with the opinion of the psychologist or not.

Let's start with age. If you are 37, then you have probably been married for a sufficient number of years. During this time, you and your wife probably went through crises and stopped at something. Most likely, they settled on a healthy partnership, because there is not a word about love for your wife in your letter.

You only reported your civil status "married". Following the saying "A thin world is better than a good quarrel", naturally, you do not want any shocks. But the woman with whom you had sex, as you called this outburst of passion, like your wife, is also a woman. This means that by keeping one calm, you are disturbing the other.

How did she deserve such disfavor? No one forcibly persuaded you to intimacy, you entered into a close relationship of your own free will. By agreeing to an invitation to the room, you understood that the evening would not end with a game of chess

That woman was attractive to you. She, taking the initiative of intimacy on herself, most likely read in your behavior an interest and, perhaps, even a frank desire. What should have happened between two adults, relaxed from the splash of waves and the scorching sun, happened. And I would not talk about guilt here. Unless, of course, you did not accept the invitation to the room every evening in a row for the entire vacation.

If there, in Thailand, after what happened, you did not make it clear that it was just an impulse of passion, it must be done now. That is, if you literally answer your question "What to do?", I would recommend meeting. Not dating. And to meet to explain. What you wrote on the social network can be understood as she wants, and not understood the way you want. It must be borne in mind that the distortion of perception from the read text does take place.

Let's talk further. Is your wife, even if you assume the worst - will receive information about the betrayal, is in such a critical state that she only needs a start to break up with you?

I think that your betrayal was a pattern. If after a certain number of years lived together your wife has ceased to be interesting to you - attractive, seductive, desirable - then why should you deny yourself the pleasure of spending time in the company of a more attractive woman?

Maybe, and let the other one write to your wife about everything, eh? And this will give the wife a reason to think about her attractiveness and do something to restore it

I wonder why you don't go on vacation together? Or are they already so tired of each other that you need to periodically rest separately? Then, all the more, that connection is a good reason to break off an outdated relationship.

If my assumption about the years spent in marriage does not correspond to reality, then, having lived together for a short time, you may not have acquired the value of the uniqueness of the relationship in marriage. And all the same, what I am writing to you next is relevant to the current situation. Neither you nor your wife were brought up in a Puritan society. This gives both of you a chance to be understood by each other. If it's about honesty, then you should confess to your wife, hoping for understanding. Take off your load, do not load the blame, be honest - see how many advantages!

The other side of the coin is that woman. She's probably invented something for herself. Note, not without your help. And you have to do something about this too! Therefore, you still have to explain to her personally.

There is another option - to deny everything. This is also an opportunity to preserve family relations. If this is important to you. But how long can you do that? And how will the scenario develop further? Lies without responsibility and consequences can be pleasant, and what is the result? The situation is unenviable, but there are several ways out of it. I am sure you will make the right choice.