Around Laughter In Bed. Is It Okay To Joke During Sex? - Relationship, Sex

Sex and laughter - how do these concepts meet? It would seem that half of the jokes we know are about sex. And we all regularly make jokes with ambiguous content. But as soon as it comes to the bedroom, we immediately put on the mask of adulthood, everything becomes Serious with a capital letter. Is it necessary? Is it okay to laugh around in bed? We talk about humor in sex with sexologist Anna Koteneva

Dossier

Anna KOTENEVA is a practicing family psychologist, psychologist-sexologist, a member of the Russian Scientific Sexological Society, head of the Center for Sexual Health, Deputy Head of the Department of Sexology at the COT CMS, teacher of the advanced training course "Psychological Counseling in Sexology", Chairman of the Professional Sexological Association. Author and presenter of trainings for women and couples; programs for sexual education of parents, educational psychologists, educators "Lessons for adults". Co-author of the book "Straight Talk About It with a Teenager."

Anna, how appropriate, in your opinion, is humor in a couple's sex life? Around laughter in bed - is that okay?

How appropriate is humor in principle? Let's still be guided by the fact that sex is a part of our life. Sex is a relationship between people, without emotions it becomes a purely technical contact and largely loses its value. We must never forget that sex is not only about sexual intercourse. It should be in the life of the family, not just in the bedroom. This is interaction, communication, a game in which affectionate humor can be very useful.

Judge for yourself: if a couple communicates with gentle humor, if they have "their own" jokes that only two understand, then their relationship as a whole will be warmer and softer. It's the same with sex: humor is good. It allows those who are in love, but want to move to a new level of relationship, to become closer. And it gives long-term partners the opportunity to raise taboo topics. He helps some lovers to relieve the waiting syndrome - at that rather nervous and often awkward moment that precedes intercourse (especially for not very close people yet). Humor is lightness, playfulness. Don't take sex too seriously.

But sometimes one thinks something amusing, while the other takes offense at the "giggles and hakhanki" and completely loses the sexual mood. ?

There are two important points here. You should limit yourself to jokes directly at the time of sexual contact. Usually, however, it happens by itself. When his body begins to speak for a person, physiological reactions take place, and somehow it does not even occur to arrange "gums". At this time, joking is not very correct, as it is fraught with misunderstanding. Although no one wants to offend anyone.

When we talk about humor and sex, we mean "before" and "after". Humor in this sense acts as a tool for creating an atmosphere of sexuality outside the bedroom, for creating their own special sex language in a couple. These are all kinds of eccentricities, absurdities, flirting and flirting. Playfully, but not for show, pinching, pinning a partner in a public place, sending a funny SMS about a sexual fantasy unexpectedly for a partner is fun and useful.

The second important point is relevance. In no case can humor be offensive, sarcastic. Jokes should be warm, relaxed, allowing the couple to get closer to each other. What can you afford? And what is in no way impossible? It all depends on the intellect, character, temperament, the very course of the development of relations in a particular couple, the partner's understanding of humor. It is difficult to find the norm. Each couple adapts to their habits, ideas about life, love, family and sex.

Love is the funniest thing you can do without laughing

Henry Louis Mencken

Is there still a taboo? Those topics in sex without laughter in bed that should not be joked about under any circumstances?

You cannot, of course, speak caustically about some personal shortcomings, mock fantasies. This is more about the intonation of a humorous message. But there is a concept of "range of sexual acceptability." What is pleasant and possible for a person, and what already borders on inadmissibility. For example, not all fantasies can and should be spoken to a partner. Deep intimate experiences sometimes have to remain so.

Humor helps to find out the boundaries of a partner's acceptability, allows you to jokingly talk about something serious. When people can joke on a sexual plane, it is easier for them to agree on important things that, without irony, could remain unspoken. The same offensive fantasies. Is it always easy to voice them? No. But for courage, speech can be brightened up with jokes, set up a partner for a humorous wave. It's so hard for us to talk about sex! And not only because of mentality or stiffness. In the Russian language, there are really no suitable words to describe all sexual processes, all the nuances of sexual contact. So it turns out that metaphors, humorous allegory, humor become our lifesaver. This is a very valuable supporting component. If, of course, it is appropriate, healthy, warm.