My Best Present Is You! - Society

Giving is an ancient ritual, the psychological meaning of which is to establish a connection between people, it is one of the most expressive languages of feelings. Recently, psychologists have increasingly focused on the problem of “extra gifts”. In an effort to express their love, to encourage the child, showing what wonderful parents he has, adults "fill up" their children with gifts.

Gifting

Specialists in the field of child psychology are skeptical about this phenomenon and highlight the following negative consequences:

The development of the ability to fantasize, imagination is inhibited:

the child, without exhausting the developmental possibilities of the toy and getting bored, switches to more and more new ones. As they grow up and develop their intellectual abilities, such a "happy owner" of a huge number of useful toys can demonstrate superficial thinking, an inability to think creatively and show persistence, in contrast, for example, from a peer who, with the help of one constructor, is able to assemble a new model and organize a board game, and do something useful for the home.

A child accustomed to receive everything, everything, does not feel the boundaries of what is permitted

As they grow older, this trait is more and more clearly manifested in relationships, first with parents, and then with other people (egocentrism, unwillingness / inability to respect the interests of another person). The child himself in this case is disoriented, does not understand what is happening, why, for example, classmates do not seek to adapt to his whims, avoid communicating with him.

The "gifted" child does not have time to wish

When you see an outwardly prosperous teenager who answers “I don’t know” to questions about his desires, plans, intentions, we can confidently assume that his parents wanted him for him.

A certain emotional fastidiousness develops, in other words, the inability to enjoy simple things

Gradually, the emotional uplift caused by gifts becomes less intense, the threshold of impressionability rises, new and stronger stimuli are needed, reasons for joy. In some cases, to satisfy the need for vivid emotions, the child / teenager turns to extreme or provocative forms of behavior.

A growing child may gradually develop destructive feelings of guilt

If the parents practice regular reproaches that they are doing everything for him. This is one of the saddest scenarios. Feelings of guilt take root in the subconscious and find a way out in the form of aggression.

Gifts when there are too many make children hardened materialists

Any gifts, ultimately, are just things, and with unbridled donation, it is materialism that fills that place in the child's head where the scale of moral values should be formed.

First of all, the education of empathy and compassion suffers, according to American psychologists based on the study "Material Parenting: How the Use of Goods in Parenting Fosters Materialism in the Next Generation" conducted by the University of Missouri and the College of Business Administration at the University of Illinois. Moreover, they point out that it is the materialists who are at risk from the point of view of family problems, dependence on gambling, and the presence of financial debts.

Don't hide your money

Here are some reasons: On the eve of the 2017 meeting, VTsIOM conducted a survey of 1,600 Russians over 18 about their attitude to various gifts. It turned out that for adults everything is not as rosy as for the "loaded" children. Our desires do not match our capabilities. For example, 30% of respondents are ready to present souvenirs to friends on holidays and important dates, while only 8% would like to receive them as a gift, candy / alcohol - 26% versus 6%, toys - 24% versus 1%, perfumes and cosmetics - 19 % versus 9%. Money remains the most desired gift, and the shares of those who would like to receive it and those who plan to hand it over are very close (15% and 13%). 14% do not intend to give gifts on official public holidays, but 19% are ready to refuse to receive them.

Why do parents load their children up?

Here are some reasons:

• 1. The parent compensates for the lack of love / attention / care, because he works a lot, gets very tired, lives in another city, is divorced. So he gets rid of the feeling of guilt.
• 2. It happens that parents simply do not know how to show their love. When children enter adolescence, communication becomes more difficult, and then it is easier to "buy off" gifts.
• 3. For some parents, this is an effective way to control the child's behavior - manipulation, through which the behavior is comfortable for themselves.
• 4. Parents buy gifts in large quantities according to their taste in order to "reward" themselves what they themselves were deprived of, realizing their own childhood dreams.
• 5. Following the fashionable trend of “inundating with gifts”, striving to act like acquaintances / friends / relatives, satisfy the parent's need to be “on a level”, “no worse than others”. As a rule, the true needs of the child are ignored.

Often, the more expensive the gift, the cheaper the intention

Gerlind

Gifts for joy

The most useful thing a giver can do is understand what his child really needs. There are not so many options, and all of them are not material (love, attention, recognition, status). The gift itself is only a means of satisfying one or another need, desire. Proceed from the principle “we are all different, and everyone has different joys”.

Teach your child to make gifts with soul

No need to tell, organize a joint "master class"! Gift exchange is a wonderful ritual.

Do not coincide with the New Year or birthday what you would buy anyway

… just by doing parental duty. A gift is something exceptional, something that distinguishes a holiday from everyday life.

The most important rule: "My best gift is you!"

No matter how old your child is, the best gift is your attention and love.

How many gifts to give for a holiday?

Let us turn to the scientific approach: according to most psychologists, a child at any age will need three gifts from relatives - parents and grandparents. A child who receives ten or more gifts feels internal oversaturation and "emotional burnout" - that is, loses the ability to evaluate emotionally, cannot be sincerely happy.

Observe the child - opening the tenth box, the baby remains indifferent and most often does not even play with a new toy or construction set. This is a strong signal that the number of gifts should be reduced.

When choosing gifts, it is best to focus on the child's common sense and needs, and provide toys that will help him develop his imagination, physical and social abilities.

If your child is having trouble communicating with peers at school, present your child with a popular board game that you can play with classmates. Let there be fewer gifts, but they will become truly valuable for your child.