Friendship After Divorce - Relations

Divorce is the dissolution of a marriage between living spouses. Such an interpretation of this term is given to us by dictionaries and the Family Code. There are also dry statistics: about half of all marriages worldwide end in divorce. Psychologists and sociologists are investigating the causes of divorce, scientists are studying this problem, defending dissertations, writing manuals for those in need …

Reasons for divorce

1. Did not agree with the characters

This is the reason most often indicated in statements of claim. Clients complain about it at the receptions of psychotherapists. Having lived for a certain period of time together, the spouses understand that they have become strangers to each other, that they could not accept the values of their half. The goals in life are different, and on the way to achieving them, the participation of a spouse is not required.

If both spouses share this opinion, friendship after marriage is quite possible. An example of this is the star couple Bruce Willis and Demi Moore. After 13 years of marriage, both spouses came to the conclusion that they had outgrown their marriage. Even the children could not keep them together. Nevertheless, they still maintain friendly relations.

2. Inability to establish a dialogue

Couples, whose communication is reduced to discussing only everyday problems, partners who are unable to express their point of view and hear the opinion of a loved one, in the end come to an inevitable break in relations. A trifle not spoken in time develops into an insoluble problem. All this is accompanied by scandals, recriminations and insults.

Remember Mr. and Mrs. Smith? The main characters almost killed each other because of innuendo and mistrust. And it's good that exceptional circumstances were able to reconcile them. But in real life this does not happen, so the inability to establish a dialogue is unlikely to turn ex-spouses into friends.

3. Treason

Of course, you can meet spouses who know about the betrayal of their half and forgive them, put up with the existing state of affairs, fearing loneliness. But most often, cheating becomes the reason for divorce.

Should I be friends with a traitor? Each of us knows a lot of examples for any answer. An example of friendship after infidelity is the couple Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis. The reason for the rupture of their civil marriage was Johnny's repeated trips to the left. Nevertheless, mutual warm feelings for each other and, of course, caring for children grew into friendship.

4. Birth of a child

It would seem that a child is the fruit of love between a man and a woman, but often the birth of a baby becomes the reason for divorce. This usually happens with couples who have been living “for themselves” for a long time. And with the birth of a child, one of the spouses cannot come to terms with the fact that the love and care of a partner does not go to him alone. Having run away from the family, most often such a spouse deprives himself of friendship with former loved ones.

No need to be friends

Many researchers of human relationships are sure that there is no point in continuing any relationship after a divorce, let alone making friends. And they prove their point of view, relying on statistics and data from opinion polls. There are many reasons for this.

• 1. No matter how peaceful the break, everyone has an unpleasant aftertaste in their souls. At each meeting, you will want to finish something, bring more convincing arguments in defense of your position.
• 2. Breaking up is always a pain. And the relationship after the divorce only aggravates the healing wounds. You can not first blaze with passions, and then politely inquire about the state of affairs of the ex-spouse.
• 3. Nostalgia for pleasant moments from a past life together often leads to each other's arms. And after that there is a risk of stepping on the same rake. After all, the reason for the divorce was good, and it is not a fact that it disappeared. Temporary weakness can lead to recurrence of suffering.
• 4. While love grew into friendship, each of the spouses could build a new relationship, and this, in turn, will season the pain of the breakup with jealousy.
• 5. You need to learn to live without your former half: to solve everyday issues yourself, to look for sources of livelihood yourself.
• 6. The sooner you let go of the past, the faster the future will come. What this future will be is unknown, but the chance to change it will appear if you stop grieving and remembering the past.

Some statistics: the German foundation for the study of public opinion EMNID, conducting research, found that 43% of women and 60% of men dream of having sex with their ex-spouses. Every fifth ex-husband would like to return to a relationship with his ex-wife. But only every sixteenth woman agrees to give a second chance to a divorced marriage.

Divorce is a mass of complex negative emotions that are painful to experience and cannot be forgotten. Therefore, not every couple is able to maintain friendly relations after him. And is it worth doing if there is nothing to remember but grievances?

If the wounds have healed, the pain is gone, and tender memories begin to emerge from the past life, and most importantly, children unite you, you should try to learn how to communicate.

Psychologists recommend building friendships after a divorce only if love has dried up in both partners, and common interests remain. Collaboration, hobbies, outlook on life bring people closer together. And if in the past they were a couple, then communication will become more effective and will help you get closer to your goals much more effectively.

The main thing is that such communication does not cause suffering to each other. After all, the fact of friendship between ex-spouses is not so important as the fact that both were able to admit their mistakes, realize the degree of pain inflicted on their partner, learn a lesson from the past situation and gain wisdom that will not allow them to trample their future relationship.

The decision to scatter does not diminish the importance of your ex-spouse in your destiny. This is worth remembering when a wave of resentment towards him overwhelms you with renewed vigor.

© Gladskikh Tatiana / Photobank Lori