Looking For Warmth. Psychological Type Of Kai - Self-development

We continue to publish a series of articles by

Leonid Krol, creator of the Coaching Workshop project, professor of the Psychoanalytic Coaching and Consulting Master's program at Higher Scool of Economics, and author of the Incantico blog. Leonid Krol identified 15 psychological types, the prototype of one of them is Kai from the fairy tale "The Snow Queen". How to build a relationship with such a person and what can melt his heart?

Contrary to popular belief, Kai is easily attached and seeks affection. A person of this psychotype does not believe in his happiness, is inclined to check and rejoice every time (hardly expressing this externally). He is characterized by abrupt transitions from "I want to handle" to complete independence. When communicating with him, it is better to express an even and calm, constant feeling. But sometimes it is good to "take on handles" He is "very adult and very small."

Another feature is the fear of your feelings. The value is to recognize, acknowledge, discuss. Kai is afraid to admit himself "bad", rejects the possibility of hatred. He is ambivalent about strong feelings: he wants and is afraid of them.

He has many minor fears, despite the fact that he is quite calm about the main fears (dying and going insane). More often Kai is afraid of being rejected, small, inappropriate. He needs constant questions and affirmations - "strong or weak."

An uncomfortable, cold, cruel and deceitful world, which we complain about - we are all for others

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He loves to take all the concepts apart and put them back together in his version. Everything he touches must be authorized, as if to put his own mark or seal.

His bad state is when there is no will, no motivation, no emotion, nothing to drive him. In this state, it will seem to the interlocutor that the gears are catastrophically not engaging - in front of him is a smooth inert log.

The peculiarity of this type is polarity in relation to feelings to others: either a very high and subtle sensitivity, or "woodiness" and transmission of the elementary. A special value for Kai is belonging to a group (necessarily friendly, warm, welcoming and advanced). He looks for such communities, creates, but quickly loses contact.

How to communicate

• It is important for Kai to constantly engage his body. Body practices (preferably short ones) remind of density (and therefore existence), give a feeling of some guaranteed existence. “Nobody will eat me any time soon,” Kai rejoices.
• Kaya awakens and normalizes fine motor skills. It is useful for him to have a craft in his hands: sewing bags, knitting, carpentry … The more such work, the less muttering to himself.
• It is important to discuss with him a list of feelings, it is better to first abstractly (in what situations, books, heroes, how they are called, how they manifest themselves, including at the bodily level), and only then begin to notice them in life. First on himself, then: "Guess what I felt when you said it to me in that tone." Feelings are named and recorded in life.
• Remember that the will and emotions never dry up to the bottom - something remains. You should not replace this with a violent "well, one, two!". Let him learn to get out of the stupor of his own free will, even if at a high cost, through losses.
• In addition to the imaginary reality (of which there is a lot and with which it is easy), there is also a physically separated one … But do not fall into this trap - "you and I are so happy here, why do we need some kind of outside world?" Not only crawl with him, not only carry on habitually cozy theoretical conversations, but also drag him into life - gently and persistently.