Freedom Night - Society

My son is already 15 years old, and he is going to spend the night with his girlfriend. And I fear the consequences. I would not like to apply prohibitions. Where are the boundaries of freedom for a teenager? Evgeniya, 39 years old

You have asked a very important and difficult question that sooner or later arises before every responsible parent. Your son is at the very peak of adolescence - a time when you still see the child in front of you, and he already feels like an adult and feels the need for independence and independence.

This topic is also difficult because the question of the boundaries of your son's freedom, like any question regarding relationships between people, cannot have a single answer. After all, each family and each case is unique, and the problem itself can be considered in several dimensions.

To make an informed decision, you first need to decide what is the norm and value for you and your family. For some, the conversation about children being able to sleep outside the home does not rise until the age of 16-18, but in some families, parents calmly let them go to spend the night with friends from a young age. Someone does not want to hear about the relationship between adolescents, but someone is sympathetic to early love.

When deciding whether or not to let your son go to a friend, ask yourself the question: “What am I afraid of and why am I afraid of this? What are the consequences that worry me the most?"

Physical security

This is a bad company, alcohol, smoking, drugs, fights, late walks in the streets. If you are concerned about the physical safety of your child, even hypothetically, it means that you do not know the girl of your son at all, their social circle. Or you know, but suspect the worst. The fact that the son asked you about whether he could spend the night with the girl, and not just stayed with her without warning, is already a good sign.

Ask your son to introduce you to his girlfriend before deciding to sleep. For example, you can spend a day off together. It would be useful to get acquainted with the girl's parents, at least by phone. Check with your son if the friend's parents are aware that the children are planning a night out together, if adults and / or other teenagers will be present. Gathering more information will help you make a decision and agree to a sleepover or find as many arguments as possible to explain to your teen why you are against.

Intimacy

If you are concerned that intimacy may occur between teenagers during a sleepover, you need to try to understand that tough prohibitions and attempts to protect young people from rapprochement are obviously doomed to failure. Your role as a responsible parent is to calmly and openly talk with your child about sexual development, about the age of consent (which in Russia occurs at the age of 16), about the responsibility of each partner, about safety, about possible consequences. It is best if such conversations, according to age, have been conducted by you with your son before and he knows your point of view on the relationship between a man and a woman.

From a legal point of view, you are responsible for the life and health of the child until he reaches the age of majority, so in any case, only the parents should decide whether your child can spend the night outside the house. It is good if you have established contact with your son and he is fully aware of this, not perceiving this fact as your tyranny and "violence against your personality." But even if you have not discussed this issue before, be sure to take advantage of the occasion and talk about the rights and responsibilities of each family member, jointly determine the rules for resolving disputes, listen to the arguments, suggestions of your son and, if you reject them, do it with reason.

If you let your child go to see a friend for the night, he must understand that this is a manifestation of your trust, which he must justify, observing the agreements. If you prohibit spending the night, try to convey this gently to the teenager, discuss with him alternative, more acceptable options for the family, consider the conditions under which you could change your mind.