Holiday Without Gifts - Self-development

Before any holiday approaches - March 8, my birthday - I start to worry that they won't congratulate me, this has already happened. Therefore, these days I try not to communicate with my man, I leave somewhere. I used to try to hint, even ask for gifts, but it did not help. Marina, 41 years old

What a typical letter for "our man"!

He is so frivolous about the relationship that he does not consider it necessary to congratulate his woman on her birthday. She is not so much complaining as asking: "Teach me not to worry before the holidays - let everything be as it is, if only I would not be hurt and sad."

You can imagine a couple in which the husband regularly forgets about holiday dates, but, appreciating the marriage and realizing his mistake, he compensates for this, for example, with special tenderness and care. Feeling loved, the woman will chuckle sweetly: "Mine again forgot about the date."

Here is a completely different story … Psychologists call for an internal locus of control - to take responsibility upon oneself; perceive themselves as the cause of what is happening. But not to the same extent!

Marina's reaction to the holidays is just her "healthy" part of her personality. Here her self-esteem curled into a ball, but did not stop rebelling against the situation.

On the one hand, something keeps a woman in a relationship - sympathy, passion? Perhaps the fear of loneliness, fears "who else needs me?" On the other hand, before each holiday, pain and resentment remind that the relationship is "wrong", inharmonious, not fully giving what one dreams of.

There are two antagonistic poles that give rise to internal conflict.

The author of the letter did not discuss the problem with her partner or girlfriend, but wrote a letter to strangers. Judging by this, the relationship in a couple is not trusting - it is not customary to open up, empathize. It's not about gifts, but about wanting more intimacy and greater understanding.

How long will Marina endure a relationship that does not meet her expectations?

There are only two options for continuing the story:

• 1. Trying to keep the system in the form in which it is - for this, for example, you can find reinforcement for your patience, without changing anything. Meditations, affirmations, opening the third eye, magic gadgets … The goal is to remove or at least reduce painful reactions to the holidays.
• 2. Transfer the system to a different state. For this, one of the following is enough: to change something in yourself; change something in it; change the context of what is happening, make a systemic leap, for example, break off relations or "put the question squarely."

Marina is looking for an option to change the current logic of her fate. Maybe she didn't turn to her acquaintances precisely because her social circle is the same natural element of life as her attitudes and behavioral patterns, and therefore the advice of loved ones is predictable for her. In this case, there is an opportunity to look at the situation "from a bird's eye view", and then this is a story not about an inattentive man, but about a woman revising her life principles.

Dear Marina! If the man you are dating neglects what is very important to you - this is wrong! Maybe he is not aware of your experiences? Maybe he wants to, but cannot meet your expectations?

In any case, you need to decide: do you need these relationships so much that you are ready to fight for them?

If yes, you should try different ways to change the situation. But keep in mind that your intentions can lead to different results. Your attempts to make the relationship closer can scare your partner away, and the fragile union will be destroyed. Considering that, according to statistics, there are 9 guys for 10 girls, of which 2 are alcoholics, 3 are married, etc.; that healthy and prosperous relationships are unfortunately rare these days; that 41 is not an advantage; that the experience of previous failures is a stone in the soul, - the forecast is not optimistic … And many will call it worldly wisdom to try to maintain relationships and not look for a pie in the sky.

Optimism inspires only your concern before the holidays. It gives hope that relationships without compromise, built not on patience, but on love and respect, are possible! It means that you have a pattern in your soul, the comparison with which makes you sad. This means that you, as a talented weaver, are within your power to create a beautiful pattern on the canvas of your life.

If any person, even in a happy marriage, is asked: "What do you dislike about your relationship?" - most likely, he will find an answer. Moreover, having an answer is good! This indicates that a person is aware of his needs, hears his inner voice and has the ability to express what worries him. The answer will point to a point of growth, a promising direction for personal development.

You are ripe to become a woman to whom it is impossible not to give gifts; one that inspires a man to please you

Did you ask for advice? Write down the recipe! We take a large vat. We put your holiday alarm in it as a base ingredient. We add indiscriminately all the strong feelings that you have often experienced lately - both positive and negative. Season the mixture with random memories, images, dreams, knowledge, intuition. And necessarily - the smell of spring and the fresh wind of change. Mix intensively. At this stage, your typical anxiety can develop into outright fear, and even into panic. Nothing! Let the mixture stand for three days. When there is a feeling that the lid is in danger of flying off under the pressure of internal pressure, immerse yourself in the vat. It is possible for a short time, the main thing is full immersion, like in a Christmas ice hole. New Marina is ready! Stop and take the presents!

This conversation is not about gifts or even about your relationship with your partner, but about your life. What should you do to make you satisfied with yourself and your actions? What line of further behavior will be "your way"; without bending your heart and without sacrificing what is important to you? Preserving yourself and your values is the main gift. How about declaring today a holiday for which you give yourself - Yourself?

© Sergey Dashkevich / Photobank Lori