Faceted Glass Of Euphoria - The Quality Of Life

I am 53 years old, 32 years old I am married to an alcoholic. Reading about alcohol codependency, I am more and more convinced that life was wasted. I have nothing to remember. Sometimes I think, what's next? There is no answer to the question of what to live for. I'm very tired. Natalia, 53 years old

There are no more lasting marriages than alcoholic ones. What's the matter here? Why is this nightmare even possible? This is because a nightmare situation is psychologically beneficial for each of the spouses. She rewards each spouse with something urgently needed.

My husband likes to drink. He experiences an uplifting mood in the intoxication, a sober life does not give him such joys (euphorizing effect). Alcohol soothes his anxiety and reduces self-doubt (anesthetic effect, avoidance of pain). He loves the whole atmosphere of drama, excitement that usually accompanies alcoholism (the illusion of the intensity of emotional life). In moments of sobriety, he feels himself a worthy person, is proud. In addition, with alcohol, he relieves himself of responsibility for himself, for his wife, for children, for establishing spiritual intimacy with them. He is afraid to be in close relationships, including with himself. There are problems, it’s scary to solve them.

What are the benefits of a wife? Psychological awards. Suffering brings one closer to holiness, to the position of a heroine. She feels like a strong partner. It is she who is a helping, caring wife, she is the one who makes the right decisions, she always knows what to do. It is joyful to be aware of herself as better, more competent, because in fact she is very bad with herself. As long as she is fully involved in her husband's problems, she has a wonderful excuse to avoid dealing with her own. She, too, is afraid of a close relationship with herself. Aura of drama, ups, downs. All this gives her, like him, a feeling of the intensity of emotions and the fullness of life. In addition, in such a nightmarish life together, she has the opportunity to satisfy her deep, vital needs: to feed her low self-esteem every day. She earns her self-esteem by suffering, covers up her weakness, her inability to make life flow along the paved channel.

In wine, melancholy seeks relief, cowardice - courage, indecision - confidence

Benjamin Johnson

A person needs to belong to someone: a family, a collective, a nation. He needs to feel worthy, significant, talented and capable. There is a need for self-realization. And all this, sadly, people get in an alcoholic marriage.

Knowing and understanding the benefits in the framework of destructive relationships is not necessary for someone to repent. This is not a sinful or shameful behavior. These benefits are a natural part of codependency. And codependency is not a reason to be ashamed of yourself or think about the meaninglessness of existence. This is a problem that needs to be worked on with a specialist.