Table of contents:
- Not everyone is able to realize their importance, to overcome inner fears. But the one who is able to love himself as he is and turn his shortcomings into advantages deserves the title of a hero
- Selfishness or self-love?
- Step 1: investigate the causes of deficiencies
- Step 2: fight or reconciliation?
- Step 3: accept ourselves as we are
Video: How To Love Yourself With All Your Flaws - Self-development
Not everyone is able to realize their importance, to overcome inner fears. But the one who is able to love himself as he is and turn his shortcomings into advantages deserves the title of a hero
Selfishness or self-love?
Often, people confuse the concepts of self-love and selfishness. Many psychologists put the need for self-love on the same level with the needs for security, survival, the struggle for “a place in the sun” and satisfaction of physiological needs. After all, the ability to experience feelings distinguishes a person from representatives of the animal world. And the ability to feel satisfaction from their actions distinguishes a happy person from just a screw in such a large mechanism as a community of people.
In fact, the egoist does not like himself very much. He deliberately exposes his shortcomings for everyone to see and then hates those around him because they do not agree with them. Anyone who has met such a representative of society at least once in his life will agree with this statement. He is always dissatisfied with the prevailing circumstances, surrounding people, attitude towards himself. Researchers of human souls draw the same conclusions.
Since childhood, I have learned to consider myself not like everyone else. Therefore, he decided to behave differently from other mortals. This position has become a gold mine
Erich Fromm in his book "Escape from Freedom" expresses the opinion that selfishness and vanity are directly opposite to self-acceptance and true self-love. He identifies the concept of "egoism" with the concept of "greed". Only in this context is greed compared to the accumulation of self-dissatisfaction. A person is drawn into a whirlpool of negative emotions, burning self-hatred and anger at the world around him. Fromm was convinced that selfishness is a consequence of self-dislike.
Many psychologists agree that self-love within reasonable limits is the starting point on the path to happiness and the development of a harmonious personality. There is an opinion that the ability to accept yourself as you are, to put up with your own shortcomings is a gift from above, a talent. It is possible that some people are lucky to have such a gift. But, basically, it is hard work on oneself, introspection and adequate assessment of one's actions.
Before you fall in love with yourself with all your shortcomings, it is worth understanding what we mean by this term.
Step 1: investigate the causes of deficiencies
- 1. Make a list of your shortcomings, write them down on a piece of paper.
- 2. Think about why you consider what you have written as disadvantages.
There are three reasons for this:
- so you decided yourself (you came up with an ideal yourself, but your capabilities, appearance, character traits do not reach him);
- you have imposed an ideal yourself on you (media, films, the Internet, church foundations, gloss have their own criteria for an ideal, and you don't fit into them);
- the opinion of others (criticism of parents, teachers, colleagues, just passers-by, expressed at an inopportune moment, or expressed periodically is deposited on a subconscious level and gnaws from the inside).
The so-called "stars" are also not perfect. Many of them have flaws that have not prevented them from becoming famous and making a dizzying career.
For example, Paris Hilton has a 43rd shoe size. Kate Bosworth has heterochromia (one eye is brown, the other is blue). Barbara Streisand's nose has always been the subject of ridicule. Sarah Jessica Parker reporters consider disproportionate and bow-legged. Sandra Bullock's laugh scares people.
Sylvester Stallone is a prime example of combating disadvantages. As a result of the birth trauma, little Sly's nerve endings on his face were damaged, so he suffered from speech defects and expressionless facial expressions. What is the starting point for an actor? But these little things did not stop the young man. He worked hard with a speech therapist and trained facial expressions. I went to all possible auditions and, in addition, at the same time developed the talent of a screenwriter. And one day he was noticed! And Stallone also suffers from a complete lack of a sense of humor. And so that this drawback is not particularly paid attention to, he learns jokes before meeting with the public.
Step 2: fight or reconciliation?
Once you understand the nature of your flaws, it is worth developing a strategy to fight or reconcile with them.
- 1. The disadvantages are not so terrible as the fact that we consider them as such. Try to focus on your positives. After all, you also have dignity! And real life is not mathematics, and plus or minus, in general, gives a positive result.
- 2. If the source of your shortcomings is an image prompted by society, then it is worth remembering that the fashion for ideals recognized by society is short-term and changeable. And ideals are invented. They don't exist in real life.
- 3. The situation is more complicated with the shortcomings that others point out to you. Think, who usually “sees a mote in someone else's eye, but doesn't notice a log in his own”? Basically, these are people deprived of intelligence, talent, education. Is it worth paying attention to their opinion?
Eat Pray Love
Many works of cinema are devoted to the topic of finding happiness through self-love. Ryan Murphy's Eat Pray Love is a good example. In it, the heroine of Julia Roberts, Elizabeth Gilbert, is trying to become happy, to achieve inner harmony. And only after realizing her destiny, restoring peace with herself, accepting her “I”, Elizabeth feels that she is quite happy.
Step 3: accept ourselves as we are
- Stop calling your personality trait a “flaw,” let it be a “highlight”.
- Challenge yourself, train your self-awareness (remember the movie "The Most Charming and Attractive"?).
- Work on yourself, improve your "dissimilarity" to others, let it become your calling card.
- Pay more attention to positive responses about you.
- On your list, next to each flaw, write the virtue you have, and watch how this flaw develops into a virtue.
And remember: being perfect is already a disadvantage. Accept yourself as you are and love yourself. Reduce your shortcomings, develop your virtues, love yourself and be happy
Photo: © Syda Productions / Photobank Lori