I Am Mistaken For A Grandmother - Society

I have a late child, many take me for his grandmother, the child worries, hesitates me. Anna, 49 years old

The question of at what age to give birth to a child, each family decides individually. Increasingly, late children appear in Russian families, when their parents are already under or over forty. And if until recently there was a tendency to give birth as early as possible, now the view of parenting has changed in favor of a more mature age. Despite the active debate around the "correct" age of a woman giving birth and the negative aspects of late birth, the number of such children continues to grow. In the West, it has long been customary to acquire heirs when the spouses are morally and financially ready for this.

One of the unwanted "side effects" is that at some point children may begin to feel ashamed of their not too young parents. Shyness is common in many children. After the age of three, they actively begin to comprehend the external environment of interaction and master social skills - they compare themselves with others, note what is wrong in their family, how their parents differ. In adolescence, shyness can increase significantly, which often leads to conflicts in the family. Children love to brag about their parents - their social status, age, material wealth, personal qualities, etc. Just like parents want to be proud of their children, children want to be proud of their parents.

Often late children become objects of excessive care and control. The softness of the parents in the upbringing and the absence of requirements for the child leads to a distortion in the family system. The parent is transformed from an authority figure into an insecure adult serving the child's demands. It is quite natural that children cease to respect a parent who does not perform their direct functions, and begin to be ashamed of him. You might want to rethink your parenting style and parent-child relationship.

Unfortunately, you did not indicate the child's age and under what circumstances you found yourself an object of embarrassment, so the recommendations can only be general. An important fact is your attitude towards your own age.

If you are worried about the topic of late motherhood and you are complex about this, the child certainly reads your condition

Whatever the factors that triggered this emotional reaction in the child, you should work on his and your self-esteem. In order to develop self-esteem and acceptance in your child, you yourself must radiate not illusory self-confidence, but genuine self-confidence. Conversations will be of little use if you are not confident in yourself.

Vulnerable to criticism, an insecure child reacts sharply to the “inconsistencies” of himself and his family with others. If there are more young mothers in the class, your child will think your age is unnatural. Children make judgments about something without having a sufficient information base. Try to unobtrusively expand the context for him - tell us about the advantages of parenting successful adults, read articles about Western experience, jokingly translate what you might be mistaken for a grandmother. The child should see that age does not bother you, then he will understand that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in this situation.

© Sergey Kolesnikov / Photobank Lori