"My Children Beat Each Other " - Society

I sometimes have to go out on the night shift. Six months ago I had a problem - my sons started to fight. They are the same old age, the oldest is 12, the youngest is 11. And before in their relationship not everything went smoothly, but now they have to take time off from work and come running home. A neighbor calls: "I think they are killing each other." I'm afraid to leave them alone for the night. Ekaterina, 32 years old

It is only known that two ignoramuses had a fight, and then from the words of a neighbor. Why - history is silent. Anything can be assumed, from carving up a seat at a computer to a disagreement over politics in Zimbabwe. Or maybe the neighbor heard the sound of a computer game? Guesses alone, no more. But even if the fight did take place, there is a reason. And the fighters will not be silent for a long time. Either complain or brag.

You should ask carefully and kindly, not interrogate. You can get the necessary information from the boys in a maximum of half an hour. Become not only a mother, but also a friend. Try to find out the truth about the event separately from everyone. What is not important to you can be a tragedy and shock for a 12-year-old child.

Don't punish, be more judicious. Give a chance to figure it out on your own, ask: “How would you solve such a problem? What advice would you give me?"

Try giving to sports clubs, let them burn excess adrenaline for health benefits. Crawling from workouts will be squeezed dry. There will be no thoughts of mutual aggression even in a dream.

Ask for help from both children to turn the aggression towards solving the problem. Walking around the bush, suffering, swearing, humiliating or humiliating, wiping away tears and treating bruises, bringing up from time to time is a waste of time. Is there an authority figure for boys in your environment? Bring him in if they can't hear you.

Start talking to your children like an adult. Not to shout, but to educate, not to groan, but to conduct a dialogue with interest

You, like no one else, should know what they want, where they are striving, whom they choose as an example to follow. Perhaps they just sorely miss you? It's hard for you now, it is understandable and understandable. You can sympathize, but try to understand and accept the following: your sons should not see and know that someone outsiders pity their mother. The strongest, most intelligent, kind, beautiful. This is their right and duty. The love of sons, which will grow into a desire to protect and support when necessary. Pity humiliates future men.

Your burden today is the payment for the right to raise your children in accordance with your dreams and ideas of success. It is necessary to talk to the boys a lot and with interest, with real participation in their problems, with answers to their questions. I admit that the conflicts between your sons are the product of a childish, thoughtless copy of you, your present state. They don't have analysts yet, they just try on everything that you show: emotions, words, situations. Children's minds have not yet accumulated the necessary defense mechanisms against the stress of misunderstanding. Hence the aggression. Misunderstanding, resentment, fatigue, radicalism in decisions, lack of compromises and goals - all this compote causes panic and even greater chaos.

Sit down for a minute. Stop. Exhale. Calmly determine what you consider necessary in the first place, and place road signs without hysteria and fuss. You make decisions for three at once.

Photo: © Yulia Kuznetsova / Photobank Lori