The Ideal Wife - Happiness Or Curse? - Self-development

By marrying a loved one, a woman changes. These changes could be considered positive if all family members thought so. But the “ideal wife” is not a recipe for a happy life.

Excessive delicacy

"Would you mind if my friend and I go to the exhibition?" - so I started a conversation with my husband if I wanted to go somewhere, but it was not in the interests of the whole family and did not bring income.

I will note that I am an adult woman with a higher education, who knows her own worth. But I do not like conflicts, I do not like to show off, be rude and go ahead. I usually maneuver, not wanting to hurt or inconvenience the people around me. And I really appreciate the relationship with my husband and try to protect them from cataclysms as much as possible. Rather, I tried before.

I'm not a brawler, I prefer a productive conversation with a common denominator and a sequence of actions to meaningless tantrums. I am also quite beautiful and, despite giving birth, slim and attractive. In general, an ideal wife.

But once every three years, my husband tried steadily to leave the family. I read articles on the psychology of family relationships, analyzed what was happening, studied the stories of other women who had been married for more than 10 years, and did not understand. No, that is, I understood that he was constantly worried about something, and that we had some kind of another crisis, and I had to support him. I knew that “a man is a head and a woman is a neck”, and honestly tried to correct the situation. I felt that the reason was in me, but I could not understand it. In passing and on the forehead, she quoted clever thoughts about happiness, success, joy. I told him what I was missing in my family life, realizing that I could not hide my aspirations. I grew spiritually and mentally, wanting him to go forward, because the male ego should work, but it did not work. I was a good wife, but he didn't think so.

Conflict

He dug into my past, looking for weaknesses and actions to blame. He did everything so that I finally declared that I did not want to endure all this anymore and live with him further. I endured and wondered what it was - weakness? Is my husband a weakling? Is he so approved at my expense? But this cannot be! We had known each other for seven years before the wedding, and I had enough time to get to know him. He is not a weakling, but for our living together, he seemed to have lost himself, his own identification and the only thing that cheered him up was to piss me off.

For 12 years of life together, I did not succumb to provocations and smoothed everything out - after all, we have a great family, we have achieved a lot, we have children, I love my husband and do not want to live without him. But during our next quarrel, he somehow very painfully distorted my words. And then it dawned on me - everything I say will be used against me. Heard, turned upside down and returned by a cannonball with an offset center of gravity.

Liberation

From that moment on, I had no reason left to put my husband at the forefront of my life. In the family, as before, dad is the head. But mom is a separate and independent person. And now I notify about some trips like this: "On Thursday I'm going to the exhibition." Now I can't stand it and clearly express my dissatisfaction with the uncleaned table. I do not ask if it is convenient for my husband to meet me from the train, but I ask you to do it without fail. I ask you not to interfere with me reading, writing, thinking, dreaming, walking, taking time for my beauty. Now I am not only in the life of my husband and children, but also in my own.

And a miracle happened. A ray of happiness shone on the spouse's face, as if he were broadcasting: "Finally, everything has returned to its place." Now he doesn't need to tell me to meet or see me off - he himself takes it for granted, he doesn't need to be persuaded to put the children to bed. Now he protects my peace, tries to do something pleasant and be useful to me.

What I understood:

• If I had behaved this way even before our relationship, I would have been good and correct, he would not have married me. That's how men are - they are bored. Therefore, when I ceased to be ideal, he saw me the same - the one he loved.
• My behavior was conditioned by three factors: first, I gave birth to children and became a quiet home mom and wife; secondly, I was exhausted by motherhood and very tired - I did not have the strength either to swear or break dishes; and thirdly, I grew up in a family without a father, and interaction with an authoritarian mother was the only type of relationship I knew. As in childhood from my mother, now I did not expect love and care from my husband, only approval. I tried to please him. And she could not, because he needed something completely different.
• And he needed something else, because, in turn, his mother was not quiet. My husband does not know how to live with a quiet, docile woman. It scares him and causes one only desire - to escape.

Than the heart will calm down

Well, the children have grown up, I have matured, the husband got his wife back. What is the conclusion from this? You need to be yourself at every moment of your life. The ideal wife is an unnecessary myth. And let the men say a hundred times how tired they are of women's whims, without them husbands languish, slowly but surely plunging into the swamp of survival.

Photo: Maya Kruchenkova / Photobank Lori