New Year In An Old Family - Society

My husband received a call from his ex-wife and asked to celebrate the New Year with her and her daughter. And he agreed! I do not know how to react - I am very offended. Christina, 27 years old

Former families are often the bone of contention in relationships. Sometimes the involvement in the affairs of the past family is so great that it seems that you are the ex-wife. There is another extreme, when a man completely refuses to communicate with both his ex-wife and children. Can you find a middle ground?

When you got married, in the life of your partner at that time there was already an ex-wife and a child with whom he talked. You probably assumed that their meetings would continue. Have you discussed with your husband how it would look? Will your daughter come to visit you, or will dad begin to communicate with her in neutral territory? Apparently, there were no clear agreements, since such a situation arose. Divorce is an emotional breakup. It certainly takes time to find emotional freedom from each other. Someone needs more time, someone less, but it is clear that such meetings and joint celebrations will not speed up the process.

Why did your husband agree to celebrate the New Year with his former family at their home? Perhaps the reasons that influenced the decision are related to the daughter. Your husband wants to relieve himself of the guilt that ex-wife is hanging on to. You must understand that this is pure manipulation. Unfortunately, the child is the most vulnerable member of the family, parents often use him as an object of triangulation (manipulation, attracting a third person in order to gain benefits for themselves in resolving conflict situations). Involved in the relationship between father and mother, son or daughter become a bargaining chip for those parents who do not know how or do not want to solve issues in an adult way.

What are the goals of this woman, wanting to arrange a family holiday "as before"? The "as before" situation no longer exists, and the sooner your husband gets this information, the better

Of course, all children experience parental divorce, but it depends on the adults how the child will endure these changes and adapt to them.

Your husband does not seem to take responsibility for his union with you. I do not see his clear position either in relation to you or to that family. This naturally leads to the fact that he becomes an easy object for manipulation. You should talk to your husband and work out your and only your rules of interaction. You are the family, you are the foundation.

By acting in the interests of your former family and to the detriment of yours, your spouse devalues your marriage. Your interests should come first. If you want to celebrate the New Year with your husband, invite the girl to you, to your new family. It is necessary to explain to the child that dad and mom are no longer together, and not to maintain the illusion that everything is the same. This behavior of parents only complicates the situation. If the child is too young to explain, the actions of mom and dad will help him figure out what's what. The child is afraid of losing the love of the departed parent, he needs to feel that dad loves and will always love him. Agree, to the fact that mom is sad to spend New Year's Eve alone, this has nothing to do.

By yielding in this situation, you give carte blanche that that family will confirm their priority. And your husband will take it into account. What are you left with? Think about this is what you aspired to in your marriage?

In Russia, New Year is traditionally considered a family holiday, when loving people can share their attention and care with each other. Build your relationship correctly, then there will be no place for grievances and disappointments either at the festive table or in your life.

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