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Video: Friendly Sex - Relationship, Sex
Our time allows you to make a variety of choices with only a few restrictions. As in the joke: "What prevents you from being yourself?" - "Rules of etiquette and the criminal code". Many boundaries are being blurred and revised. What is the norm? How to define this or that type of relationship? A marriage of convenience is called “practicality,” the kept woman says that she has a “grateful friend,” the prostitute “invests in external data profitably”. And some couples announce, "We have friendly sex." Can sex be “friendly”, how is it convenient and what price does it have?
To believe that you can be in a relationship and not bear any responsibility is an illusion. Paradoxically, many, having a relationship - no matter what type - deny not only their responsibility, but the very fact of the relationship.
- I have no relationship.
- And how do you call it then?
- I do not know. But this is not a relationship.
Of course, because relationships are responsibility, and responsibility is a sign of maturity. The rampant infantilization of recent years is associated not only with an increase in life expectancy, but also with an increase in its quality. Earlier, growing up was forced and early: a fairly large amount of responsibility was delegated to the child. Now it is minimal. Moreover, there are families in which children have no responsibilities even after adulthood.
A person is lazy, and if there is an opportunity not to take on obligations, not to develop, not to grow up, in most cases he will use it. And then a paradox arises: an adult sexually mature body and childish infantile thinking. The result is adult sexual behavior and childish irresponsibility.
“Relationships are interconnection, interaction between people,” the explanatory dictionaries teach us. And what kind of this interaction is the second question. If there is a sexual or romantic relationship between two people, in any case it is a relationship of a certain type. And each of the partners bears a certain part of the responsibility. To deny this fact and declare “We have no relationship” is an attempt to deny commitment.
Why is “friendly sex” so tempting? What does he give?
- 1. Avoidance of responsibility, which indicates infantilism.
- 2. The illusion of emotional security. There is supposedly no "threat" of attachment. This is important for those who have been suffering from mental pain and who choose heart isolation. Friendly sex is ideal for an intimophobe.
- 3. The minimum contribution to the relationship, if not none at all. There is no emotional or material investment in a partner. Maybe it was specially invented by stingy people?
- 4. You can ignore the characteristics and needs of your partner, practically not recognize him, focusing on yourself and your interests. Option for narcissists and egotists.
- 5. In this type of relationship, there is more predictability and few prospects for the development of contact. Anxious individuals who fear change prefer certainty.
Make friends on equal terms
If both partners are happy with the circumstances, there is no problem. But often a situation arises in which one of the partners only wants "friendly sex", and the second hopes for the development of relations.
It is important to discuss and express your expectations regarding a partner and relationship directly. This reduces the likelihood of misunderstandings. If a priori something seems to you for granted, for another person it may not be so at all.
At the same time, the principle of honesty remains the most effective. “If you don’t lie, you won’t get yours” - the principle of a bad bazaar trader, inappropriate in a relationship. By expressing your needs and expectations directly, your partner can respond directly to them. In case of mismatch, both sides will not waste time.
If your partner is not ready to develop the relationship as emotionally closer, it is better to take it for granted. Yes, over time, he may change his mind, but in most cases, time does not change much, and you risk wasting time and effort. Think about why you want to win the heart of this particular person? Is it so valuable? Or excitement, fear of rejection, stubbornness woke up in you?
When choosing a partner, it is important not only what qualities he possesses, but also how much he is attuned to you. For example, Tom Cruise may have all the best qualities, but he doesn't even know about your existence.
A give-and-take balance is important in a relationship. Asymmetry leads to imbalance, and imbalance of the system leads to its collapse. If one partner has more expectations than the other is willing to give, the relationship is broken and threatened. One becomes a “victim”, the other becomes an “aggressor”.
In some cases, "friendly sex" plays a substitute role: kinesthetic and emotional release is not yet "real relationship". But unconsciously interferes with the emergence of new relationships. If there is old tea in the cup, it is full and you cannot pour new tea into it.
The old is the well-forgotten new. There was a time when the questions of who loved whom and with what power were discussed at every corner. Then it was forgotten, it was replaced by a discussion of relations, which each personally determined for himself the only and unique. Then this was forgotten, and informal cohabitation began to be called relations. But then, and then, and even now it was, is and will be a banal "mismatch of species for the harvest."
- What are you crying about, dear? Did I insult you with my first kiss?
- No, no, dear, I'm crying with joy - I can imagine what dress I will wear to the wedding …
- Where ?!
And no further relationship for you. Only the understanding that everyone had their own views, goals and plans. What is “friendly” sex is not clear: there is no precise definition, and everyone calls his behavior whatever he wants. Although, of course, permanent procedural sex is much more interesting. But sometimes you want romance so much that people, even seeing clearly how a relationship without a relationship will end, rush to the harvest. Ah, it's easy to deceive me, I'm glad to be deceived myself …
doctor-sexologist, candidate of medical sciences