Virtual Flirting - Evidence Of Problems? - Relations

Is virtual flirting an indicator of emancipation and modernity, or evidence of psychological problems and escape from reality?

The results of my many years of psychological practice and the life experience of an expert make it possible to divide people into four categories - depending on their attitude both to the very possibility of flirting on the Internet, and on the quality of their communication with the opposite sex on the Internet.

Lonely and confident

The first category is men and women aged 33–36 and older. They were already in a relationship, starting a family and even giving birth to children. Some broke up, some did not, but none of them meet on the Internet. And if virtual flirting arises in their lives, it is only for the sake of relaxation. After all, they don't need to hide behind a monitor.

They value their freedom, have already become stronger financially, easily and simply approach the people who interest them anywhere and, as a rule, discuss the conditions for spending time together while still “on the shore”. They differ in that they do not build illusions and do not seek to form a new unit of society.

“Once a client and I discussed a training session for his employees in a cafe. He calmly got up, walked over to the next table and took the girl's phone. Along the way, he introduced me as a personal psychologist, translated everything into a joke and immediately agreed with her to meet in the evening,”says Zoya Bogdanova.

Familial and emotionally dissatisfied

The second category is men and women after 35 years of age who have been married for a long time and have children together.

They usually have a virtual friend. And almost 100% of their relationship is of a romantic-platonic nature, without sex, since the main value is the opportunity to get an emotional charge and uplift, and nothing more.

Sometimes clients turn to me with a request to stop such relationships, explaining that they have become too intrusive or addictive. It cannot be argued that in this case the problem lies in the intra-family relations of these people. In fact, each has its own story.

Reasons for the emergence of a virtual partnership:

• Countertransferences. For example, a woman compensates for what she could not give to her children. The man, in turn, receives from her feelings that he did not receive from his mother - love, care, support. For his virtual partner, he unconsciously experiences filial feelings, which excludes the possibility of sexual relations.
• Projections and childhood trauma.
• Loss of loved ones and lack of parental support during adolescence.
• Communicating on the Internet, such people feel the need to first of all share their experiences and try to heal their life traumas with these relationships.

Dreamers and idealists

The third category is the smallest - those who deliberately go on a virtual flirt. And they compensate them for what, for some reason, they cannot get in real life: self-doubt, idealization of a partner, low self-esteem. Virt gives a feeling of freedom and permissiveness, an opportunity to escape from the harsh reality.

According to statistics, the more developed a country is, the less people are ready to meet and communicate live, preferring to build relationships and get sexual release in virtual reality. It is both safer, and there is no frustration, and the partner is available at any time to communicate in the desired format and tone.

In this case, we are talking more about life in a fantasy world, where you can communicate not with a real person, but with your ideal idea of him. In the account, such people post untrue photos and fictional stories. Many never meet with virtual partners and even stipulate this as a prerequisite.

Using every opportunity to meet

The fourth category is people who met on the Internet and subsequently started a family. Here, too, there is flirting, and initially it is only virtual, but if a partner attracts and meets moral principles and norms, then a meeting in real life takes place quite quickly. And she already determines the further development of relations - people either continue to meet, or immediately scatter. Thus, the period of flirting is short and carries an informational load.

In this version, of course, there are also persons who do not pursue the goal of starting a family, each has its own motivation for meeting and many illusions and fantasies in this regard.

To summarize, virtual flirting and virtual relationships are rather a modern life trend associated with the expansion of the influence of the Internet and gadgets. That is, it is not so much a problem as a situational desire to take advantage of the available opportunities.

The high rhythm of life often leaves a minimum of time for rest: people are either busy or just want entertainment for the evening - and given modern technology, now this can be done without leaving home and is completely safe!

Photo: © katalinks / Photobank Lori