Mom, Let Me Go! - Society

“Mom was always picky about my friends. When the girl appeared, her interrogation questions became unbearable. Mom thought that Olya was unworthy of me, from a bad family, etc. I broke up with the girl, my mother said triumphantly: "Well, I knew it." Now I am dating another girl and I don’t want to introduce her to my mother, but she takes offense and cries. I'm afraid the situation will repeat itself. " Kirill, 24 years old

Maternal jealousy is very common. It is reflected in fiction and cinema, and anecdotes about the mother-in-law are inferior in popularity only to the anecdotes about the mother-in-law.

Mothers of little children are often jealous of grandmothers, teenagers - of friends. And when a son has a girlfriend, a difficult period begins in the mother's life. It is very painful for her to realize that now she will have to share the most dear and beloved with his chosen one. The very thought that a son can love another poisons the mother's entire existence. After all, before she was the only and main woman in life.

Mom perceives girls as a potential threat to lose the status quo

Many mothers are afraid of losing their authority and influence on their son, and ruining relationships. Often these feelings are subconscious, and on a conscious level, a woman sincerely believes that the girl is "not from that" family, and she herself is not at all the same. Your fears that mom will behave the same way with your new darling are fully justified. If, moreover, you grew up in a single-parent family, the projection of the mother onto you is even stronger. What women usually receive emotionally with their husbands, in cases of single-parent families, is transmitted to the child, which threatens excesses in the mother-son relationship.

Sons are often "charged" with the unbearable function of "being a man, an intercessor." In such cases, the mother often behaves infantile, capricious, urging the child to serve his emotional needs, and the child, endowed with the responsibility of a man, grows up early. In families where roles are distributed in this way, a son's girlfriend is not just a threat to lose a child, but also a risk of being left without a “husband”.

Another example is situations when a child, on the contrary, is not allowed to grow up. The mother encourages childish behavior and condemns any encroachment on independence. Needless to say that, regardless of age, the child is subject to the strictest control.

Mothers unconsciously mask their jealousy with love for their son, with a desire for the child to get the best, but in fact, this has little to do with love.

Jealousy is not a manifestation of love, but self-doubt and fear

Is your mom crying because you don't introduce her to the girl? It can be assumed that your relationship with your mother is not built on the "Adult - Adult" type. There is not even a question of whether to acquaint or not, the main thing is to set boundaries in your relationship with your mother. The desire to see your son's new girlfriend is quite natural, but it is only your right and decision - whether to represent the girl to the mother. And it doesn't affect your feelings for your mom in any way. And in no way undermines your respect and reverence for her.

Each of us is born into a family to leave it sooner or later. Step by step, you gain independence: physically when you leave your parental home, financially, paying for your needs, socially, when you form a circle of your friends, and, finally, emotional. If for some reason you are still dependent on your mother, it is likely that this gives her confidence that she can take an active part in your life.

According to Jung, in order to be free spiritually, to build closer relationships with other significant people, children must first leave their parents and separate from them spiritually and emotionally. Your life shouldn't depend on your mom's approval. Setting new boundaries is not easy, but necessary. By doing this, you do not destroy the threads that bind you, but transfer the relationship to a healthier level.

Photo: © Yakov Filimonov / Photobank Lori