"You Can't Help The Whole World " - Interview

The charming

Oksana Fedorova, a mother of two and the evening star of Good Night, Kids, told our magazine about her understanding of goodness. And this understanding, it seemed to me, is close to sacrifice. But let's not forget that, according to the Karpman triangle, sooner or later the victim swaps places with the rescuer and the aggressor. And it's quite difficult not to notice.

How evolutionarily conditioned is kindness?

In whatever time a person lived, moral values still existed even in the most barbaric society. What is kindness? This is a property of the soul. We are all endowed with it to one degree or another, depending on what conditions were in childhood, whether parents taught us to take care of nature and animals. In some people, responsiveness is developed very strongly, they become doctors, teachers by vocation. Only having a certain mental organization and understanding what mercy and compassion are, can a person work, for example, in a correctional school or hospice.

Can a butcher be kind? He doesn't care about animals, but makes sausage out of them …

I think that mercy is inherent in everyone.

This is often at the expense of oneself. Where is the reasonable balance?

It is important to distinguish between “pleasing people” and kindness, because sometimes we just cannot say “no”. But as you know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. A person is afraid to do otherwise. But true kindness is afraid of nothing. By suppressing our body, we are doing good for the soul. Self-restraint has never hurt. We strive for comfort, and in the end, comfort kills us. The main thing is to find a middle ground when you feel good, but there is no satiety. If a person lacks something, he develops. When there is everything, humanity goes somewhere, it seems that you are omnipotent, you can control people, humiliate others. And if you find yourself in difficult conditions, mercy and compassion are immediately manifested. If a person has experienced some difficulties, and then meets another in the same situation, he will surely understand him and help.

Biography

• Oksana Gennadievna Fedorova was born on December 17, 1977 in Pskov.
• 1997 - graduated with a gold medal from the Pskov Secondary Special Police School and entered the St. Petersburg University of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the Russian Federation.
• 1999 - won the Miss St. Petersburg competition.
• 2001 - became the winner of the Miss Russia contest and associate professor of the Department of Civil Law. Received the next rank of police captain.
• 2002 - won the Miss Universe competition in Puerto Rico.
• 2006 - began active social activities as a partner of the United Nations Children's Fund (UNICEF) in Russia. Received the rank of police major.
• 2007 - defended her thesis on "State policy in the field of combating poverty in Russia: historical and legal research."
• 2008 - Debuted as a writer with the book "Formula of Style". She became the face of the famous jewelry company "Magic of Gold".

Why did you become involved in charity work?

Everything goes from childhood. You can improve yourself, but certain character traits are inherent in us. I used to think that a person can be re-educated, remade. Looking at my children, I now understand that you can only slightly adjust.

It is better for parents not to interfere with the child's "education" himself. I remember dragging sick cats and dogs into the house. I had a war with my grandmother about this, my mother took an observant position. From childhood I made all decisions on my own, I always signed myself in my school diary. Mom said: “What to watch? Everything is the same with you there."

Equally good?

Yes. Since childhood, I have had a sense of responsibility for myself, for those who are near. In our yard there were girls with various diseases: hearing impaired, with cerebral palsy, they did not walk and talk well. Everyone rejected them, but I felt sorry for them, I was friends with them. No one understood how I could chat with them for hours, walk, visit them. Perhaps it was a healing of my own soul, I felt a surge of strength and joy when I saw that a person was getting better. I came to the conclusion that kindness is not only caring for another, but also caring for your soul. Apparently, what you send to the world is returned to you.

Do people think they are looking out the window, but in reality they are looking in the mirror?

We live in the world of our consciousness: what we have in our souls happens to us. It is worth changing the attitude towards certain things - the environment begins to change. There is a need for kindness in every person, just someone does not immediately discover it. When beauty contests appeared in Latin America 65 years ago, the idea was: "Beauty will save the world." The organizers understood that a beautiful woman attracts attention. She can, while also having internal organicity, help solve social problems. The contract necessarily stipulated the conditions, with which charitable missions and to which country the winner was going. And as soon as I became the owner of the title of "Miss Universe", I immediately went to hospices in Canada. At that time we did not have such institutions yet, for me it was something new. When I went to Africa, I had a general consciousness revolution. I saw how awful people live, in what conditions. There are no vaccinations, the children get sick and die.

Was it painful to see it all?

I just realized that there is such a side of life. At first I wanted to give up, because it was scary. But I thought, "No, I'll pull myself together." We contacted various organizations. As a result, 250 thousand dollars were allocated for injections, to help people. In an extreme situation, something opens up, you feel that something depends on you.

Leading

• "GOOG night kids!"
• "Subbotnik"
• "Saturday evening"
• "Fort Boyard" (paired with Leonid Yarmolnik)

Filmography

• 2005-2006 - "Do not be born beautiful"
• 2006 - "Christmas tree"
• 2007 - Sophie
• 2008 - "Goldfish"

Do you have this sense of duty or an inner need?

This is a need. The most important thing is to learn to do what you have to do with love. It is always overcoming the urge to stop and just start enjoying life. But some kind of light still lights up. You understand that you need to continue. After my charity missions, I was noticed by UNICEF and made a Goodwill Ambassador. We went on several charity trips to Africa and Sri Lanka, collecting money for vaccines. I realized that I had accumulated some experience. This is how the “Hurry to do good!” Charity foundation appeared.

That is, good must also be done professionally?

When you have gained experience, you start working professionally. But still, anyone can do good. Many are ready to help, but do not know how to do it, they are afraid of scammers.

Don't you think that absolute good, like absolute evil, does not exist? Here you take care of other people's children, but because of this you devote less time to yours

You cannot love without sacrifice, it does not happen in life. Since childhood, I wanted a family, I was focused on studying, on leaving. I grew up without a father and did not know what male support meant. Mom worked three jobs, I missed her, but I understood that she could not afford to stay at home. Now the child is taught that good is when someone gave you something, that means they love you, but this is not so.

Charity

• 2009 - founded a charitable foundation to help children, youth and elderly people "Hurry to do good!"
• 2010 - thanks to donations from Oksana, the foremen of the Pokrovskaya tower and the tower of the Holy Gates of the Pokrovskaya fortress were restored.
• 2011 - funds were raised for the children of military heroes who died in the line of duty, who were posthumously awarded the Order of Courage, and funds were raised to restore the burnt-out Nikita orphanage at the Church of the Great Martyr Nikita, Pavlo-Posad District, Moscow Region.
• 2012 - together with the Russian Club of Orthodox Patrons of the arts, Oksana presented an exhibition of measured icons in Kaliningrad and held a charity auction, the funds from which were donated to the Museum of the World Ocean for the development of a program for disabled children “Ships for Unique People”.
• 2012 - became a laureate of the international BIAF prize for contribution to the cause of charity (Lebanon, Beirut).
• 2013 - Hurry to Do Good! Foundation in order to develop a culture of motherhood and family values, he organized a charity festival "Between us, girls" for girls from orphanages.
• 2015 - the project "Women - Cavaliers of the Order of Glory" was launched (reprint of the book about women - heroes of the Second World War).

When you do something good, don't you expect that next time you will have to do even more to be appreciated, and so on ad infinitum?

Having done a good deed, throw it like a stone into the water and forget it. Life will definitely return everything to you. Goodwill is often not appreciated. Everyone perceives a tough person as successful, and if you are kind, it means, by definition, a fool. You need to learn from children, they do not have rancor, they think as they say. They have sincere, direct reactions. Brains are given to us so as not to drown in our kindness.

Don't do good without asking?

Imposition speaks of some kind of internal complex. Real kindness just is. You were asked - you helped. You need to be on the lookout so that you are not used, and at the same time to distinguish where you really need help. You cannot help the whole world.

EXPERT OPINION

Not for show

We often meet with the substitution of concepts. Charity is not good. A useful business, but often colored by the desire for self-actualization and the desire to gain approval. At the same time, it is believed that if you do “good” and actively demonstrate it, everyone should honor you. And if, in an effort to "do good" as quickly as possible, you break your leg, you expect everyone to rush to save you and forget about those who really need help.

Meanwhile, those people who really do good do it quietly, without advertising. And if they are told that they are benefactors, at night feeding tramps at train stations, they will burst out laughing. For them, this is a natural form of existence.

Moreover, there are a lot of people who do good professionally. Good is within their competence, in their direct duties, if I may say so. And they are called by the gloomy word "state employees" (teachers, firefighters, doctors …). They do good without glamor and a smile. They are often not appreciated. And this abyss, in addition to the substitution of concepts, is very depressing.

Alexander TESLER,

psychotherapist, full member of the Russian Academy of Medical and Technical Sciences