Living Here And Now: Myth Or Reality? - Self-development

Perhaps the expression of gestalt therapists "to live here and now" is still the most popular advice in various situations. Surely among your acquaintances there are those who live in past relationships or work, constantly remember how "then" it was cool, as if forgetting in the oasis of the past. There are also those who constantly fly in the clouds and dream about how in two years they will achieve success and leave for Las Vegas. Unfortunately, many are trying to escape their present experiences. Is it that easy to enjoy what you have?

It's worth starting with the fact that neither the past nor the present exists. At any given moment in time, there is our memory of the past days or the anticipation of future events, but "here and now" is not a goal worth striving for, but the point at which we all are. Even now, reading these lines, you are in the present, and only in it. In this regard, we can talk about the feeling of our past or future. These feelings are quite real, they manifest themselves in the moment when we begin to remember something or dream. Each of us is present at a moment in time with our whole life - such a nesting doll, which contains everything that happened to you once. That is why it is so difficult, and sometimes impossible to escape from yourself: after all, wherever you go, you meet yourself.

“The past is gone. The future has not yet arrived. There is only the present. "

F. Perls

In the modern concept of gestalt therapy, this principle is not only the philosophical basis of the work of a psychologist, but also a completely applied idea that unfolds in contact between two people. The creator of gestalt therapy, Frederick Perls, believed that in each of our actions, phrases, postures, some kind of global need is expressed that is relevant at the moment. And noticing what happens to our body, voice, timbre of speech or feelings, we can determine what is behind the suddenly remembered first love or dreams of traveling around the world. How does this relate to the events that are unfolding in your life now?

A good sensitivity to this kind of "escape" gives an excellent opportunity for a better understanding of oneself and one's own needs, gives a feeling of the depth of living in one's own life.

How, in practice, can you improve contact with yourself and fill your life with a sense of the present moment? Here answers to very simple questions will help us:

What do I want now?

Awareness of our own needs leads us to discoveries about ourselves and our life. Many eating disorders, emotional addictions and different types of addiction are built on insensitivity to our actual need, as in the joke about where we eat when we want to sleep; sleep when we are thirsty; and we drink when we want to eat. In order not to fall into this trap of automatic actions, there is only one recipe - this is to slow down and listen to yourself. At the very moment when you want to send another cookie into your mouth, although it seems like I recently had dinner. Is there an emotional hunger or a need for security behind this insatiable hunger?

What am I feeling now?

One of the main mechanisms of here-and-now avoidance is desensitization. There are many ways: from running away into the past and the future, in which a person is “truly” alive, to taking various substances that make life easier. Alcohol, drugs, medicines get here. The modern pharmacological wave of antidepressants and substances that help relieve anxiety are playing a cruel joke on a person. For a short time, it is possible to dull pain and discomfort, to gloss over an unpleasant emotional background, but in the long term this path will cost dearly: from panic attacks to serious neuroses. By developing the skill of noticing the subtle nuances of your own states and feelings, you will be able to access enormous inner resources that can be used in every moment. After all, our feelings are what makes life three-dimensional, three-dimensional, real.

How do I do it?

This question is directly related to the existential reason that each of us is the author of our own life. In this case, there is a lot of freedom, but with it comes responsibility. If I am lonely and cannot build a family for a long time, or I cannot reach the financial level that satisfies me, the important question is how I organize this experience in my life, what I do for this, from which idea, introject or fantasy? The sooner you take ownership of your life, the easier it is to be happy here and now.