Do You Want Me To Kill The Neighbors? - Society

During a business trip, I had to settle in a double room. An elderly woman already felt like a mistress there and immediately put forward a lot of demands and restrictions. I could still lie in bed and breathe, but only quietly. Soon, on the basis of minor disagreements, the relationship went wrong, and in the evenings we simply did not communicate. The mood was ruined. Tell me what to do if you have to share space with a stranger? Anna, 32 years old

In modern life, circumstances often arise when it is necessary to urgently adapt and build relationships with strangers. These are train journeys, hospital stays, and, as in the case of Anna, being in the same hotel room. These situations are united by the fact that we are not talking about building long-term relationships with people, you do not choose with whom you will find yourself in a compartment, hotel or ward.

It's good if you are lucky and your neighbors turned out to be pleasant people in all respects. And if not? If they constantly violate your personal boundaries? When the psychological line between "I" and "not-I" is unceremoniously crossed, a person may feel anger, irritation or resentment. Even if the intrusion is of a short-term nature, it is worth trying to establish "boundary pillars", that is, to make it clear to outsiders what you can allow in relation to yourself and what you will not.

But before starting a war for territorial integrity, try to understand the reason for your protest mood. Perhaps you suppress something in yourself so much that you cannot tolerate it in others. In addition, it is worth considering that your neighbor may have his own ideas about comfort and rules of behavior and, due to upbringing (or lack thereof), they may be radically different from yours.

One person may like to turn on the air conditioner, while another gets cold. One loves to listen to music, the other wants to sleep. There are many points of collision of interests, it is important to find a balance between "it is so convenient for me" and "the neighbor also has the right to comfort." As you know, "the freedom of my fist is limited by the tip of someone else's nose."

Often conflicts arise due to understatement: if you have voiced and discussed the rules, they will be violated less often. It is better to express your wishes in the form of a request. This is not just a tribute to politeness, but a chance to settle controversial issues peacefully (demands and orders cause natural protest). If your neighbor is prone to aggression, the best way out is to withdraw from the conflict (for example, to leave the room). Yet most people are inclined to dialogue in situations of forced division of space. Good neighbors!

“Although the border is generally inevitable, any given border can be crossed, any obstacle has been pushed back, every barrier has been blown up; but each such act finds or creates a new border. "

Georg Simmel Photo: © Yakov Filimonov / Lori Photo Bank