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Video: What Is Love For? - Relations
We want to love and be loved. To many, this feeling seems to be the answer to the main questions and promises fabulous bliss. And although everyone knows the reverse side of the shining medal - the pain of parting, we still strive for heartfelt affection. Why is love so attracted to us? Is a bright and eventful life possible without it?
Law of nature
American psychologist and one of the founders of modern psychology, William James, was convinced that the deepest quality of people is a passionate desire to be appreciated. Our social nature condemns us to be emotionally dependent on the acceptance of other people. Even if you consider yourself a self-sufficient person, the assessment of others still affects you.
At least it is the degree of acceptance and feedback from other people that shape our self-image as a child. Without "You" there is no "I" - this is the main law of personality development. Let us recall the ubiquitous pyramid of needs of Abraham Maslow: if you do not want to eat and sleep yet, and there is a fairly safe environment around us, the need for belonging and acceptance takes over - the need for love.
On the same wave
What so tempts us in the feeling of closeness and warmth of another person? Why is love just a need and not a pleasant addition to our already eventful life? Love is different from other types of relationships. This is an experience of the value of the Other, a positive emotion from the fact that he is in the world. In addition, an emotional resonance arises in a love affair when my “I” meets a kindred “I” in you. There is a desire to do each other well, while remaining ourselves.
There is another obvious answer: the release of dopamine and stimulation of the brain regions responsible for pleasure. After all, it has long been no secret that falling in love is a chemical process that is also pleasant on a physical level.
Without fish …
Then what is the danger if everything sounds so tempting? Unfortunately, physiology has not been superimposed in the best way on the cult of romantic relationships in society. You need to have time to create a pair! How sad it is to live alone! Admit it, such thoughts have visited you at least once. Sometimes, in order to feel closeness or at least change status on social networks, a person is ready to forget about himself, his dreams and talents. As a result, more and more often people find themselves in codependent relationships, when life is unbearable without a partner, and loneliness turns into emotional torture. Leapfrog begins from novels and acquaintances, just to fill the gap in the soul.
Loneliness is joy
In pursuit of a companion or life partner, we often no longer think about how to take care of ourselves in this difficult matter. But first you need to learn to take care and love yourself, and then the feeling for another person will blossom with new colors. Accept your own shortcomings, limit your inner critic if he is too strict. Praise yourself often, even for small victories. Look for beauty and dignity in yourself and do not be afraid to show them brighter.
If you are familiar with the feeling of a gray vegetation when your loved one is not around, consider raising your self-worth. Give yourself a gift or have an enjoyable adventure for yourself. Fill the bathtub and spend sweet moments in silence and scented foam. Prepare your favorite meal. Think of how to please yourself in such a way that being alone is truly enjoyable! It is imperative that you go through the non-relationship period so that you only give love to yourself. Then the expectation of a new romance will not be so tedious, and possible partings will not break your heart to smithereens.
Watch out for signals
If you do have difficulty accepting yourself and reinforcing your own self-esteem, love is the solution. Pay attention to people who understand and accept you. It doesn't have to be the one you dream of day and night. The feeling can come from anywhere: from a childhood friend, a longtime acquaintance, or even from a salesperson in a store with whom we regularly have a heart-to-heart conversation. Look at love as a gift and more often turn to the thought: "If these people can treat me like that, then you can love me."