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Video: The Right Questions For Yourself - Self-development
We love to ask questions, and more often to others than to ourselves. Behind this lies the shifting of responsibility for one's life and decisions, the search for an authoritative figure - a symbolic ideal parent who knows everything and will always help. The search is a priori unsuccessful and blind. How to learn to ask yourself the right questions and finally take responsibility for your own life?
We ask a three times divorced friend for advice about relationships with her husband, a childless neighbor - about raising children, and a bankrupt friend we consult on business issues. What for? Yes, sometimes we just do not understand that only taking responsibility allows you to build your life the way you want, to be realized, not to blindly repeat other people's mistakes, but to productively learn from your own.
There are questions about our life, the answers to which only we know: they are connected with our subjective experiences, desires, needs, not visible and incomprehensible from the outside. For example, "What profession do I want to choose?", "Which partner to go through life with?"
The other part of the questions to itself does not have unambiguous answers, but they need to be asked for the sake of the very process of thinking: "What is the meaning of my life?", "Who am I now?"
Such "questions and answers" allow you to come into contact with yourself, become authentic, productively realize yourself, establish contact with your unconscious and use its resources.
How to ask questions
Five important rules
So, all you need is some free time and the opportunity to meditate in silence.
1. The question that you ask yourself should concern yourself exclusively
Our unconscious knows everything about us and very little about others. "Will there be a magnetic storm on Mars tomorrow?" - a question to the wrong address. You can ask questions that help in choosing, clarifying your own true desires and capabilities, suppressed feelings, the causes of ailments.
2. Of course, the question should be relevant, and not asked out of idle curiosity
The unconscious responds only in response to an important request, it should not be "bothering" over trifles. Otherwise, it can turn out like in a fairy tale in which the boy shouted: "Wolves, wolves!" - so that adults come running to rescue him. They ran so many times on a false signal that then, when a real danger came, they did not come to the rescue and the boy was eaten by the wolves.
3. Positive wording of the question
Avoid the "not" particle, the words "get rid", "quit". Everything is very simple: unconsciously we never give up anything, we decide to keep it “in reserve”. Remember the parable of Khoja Nasreddin? One moneylender was drowning in the lake, hands were stretched out to him with shouts: "Give me your hand!" And only Khoja Nasreddin guessed to extend help with the words: "Here, take it!" The greedy usurer could not give anything, he only knew how to take …
Any of our patterns or habits may come in handy sooner or later. Unconsciously, we only acquire new things, but do not abandon the old. So don't ask yourself "how to lose weight" or "quit smoking." Look for a positive wording: "How to encourage yourself to a healthy lifestyle, improve your health?"
4. If you want a specific answer, your question should also be specific
Without general words about "achieving universal happiness" and "absolute harmony".
5. Honesty with yourself is important
When asking a question, be prepared to answer. Alas, sometimes we deceive ourselves. Do you remember how in the movie "Tootsie" the hero's girlfriend asks him: "Tell me honestly, do you care about me already?" - and hears the answer "yes". The Tutsi is discouraged, she is not ready for this. "Oh no not this!" - exclaims the heroine.
If you yourself cannot find the answer to your question, you may not want to know this information.
Harmful questions
1. Attempts to find out the future are incorrect
Our unconscious is capable of making predictions, but reality is influenced by too many factors that cannot be calculated. And false predictions can be harmful: lead to disappointment and maladjustment.
2. We are destroyed by self-blaming questions
For example, the question "Why do I need this?" it is better to reformulate it to the questions "What is teaching me?", "What is the reason for this?" Self-blame is destructive, and the search for the causes and boundaries of one's responsibility encourages change.
3. Imposed questions
There is something that is really relevant for us at this stage, and there is something that is important for our loved ones, but they are trying to impose it on us, even if it is with the best of intentions. “Why don’t you get married / get married?”, “Why don’t you have children?”, “Aren't you looking for a promotion at work?”, “You are not moving to a more prestigious area?” and others. You need to ask yourself only the question that is relevant specifically for you, and not for others. Otherwise, there can be no answer, as in the film "The Diamond Arm": "Explain to a friend in a quick way why Volodka shaved off his mustache."
Such different answers
Don't expect the answer to be clear and understandable, reminiscent of instructions for action. The unconscious can clothe content in different forms: words, visual images, metaphors, memories, fantasies. The answer can be understood immediately, or it will take some time to decipher it. But a correctly asked question always gets an answer.
There are also special psychological exercises that help you learn how to correctly ask yourself questions. We have collected for you the best exercises and techniques offered by various psychotherapeutic directions. Try and choose your own.
Body-Oriented Therapy Exercise
Sit with your feet shoulder-width apart, back straight (you can lean on the back of a chair). Focus on the question you want to ask yourself, repeat it several times. Now concentrate on the area of the lower abdomen: there is a symbolic center responsible for the so-called centering - establishing contact with yourself. Turn off extraneous thoughts, focus on your question, concentrate on the center of the lower abdomen - imagine breathing through it. Do the exercise for 10-15 minutes, this will help you to drop the excess and focus on the main thing.
Exercise from psychosynthesis by Roberto Assagioli
Imagine that within you there is a certain wise mentor, a sage who knows the answers to all questions. Visualize this image. Go to a symbolic meeting with him, enter into a dialogue. In this dialogue you can ask all your questions, and the "mentor" will give the answers. It's important to take this addicting game seriously and trust yourself.
An exercise popular in many psychotherapy schools
Prepare a sheet of paper and a pen. Close your eyes, repeat your question several times. Now open your eyes and for 10 minutes, write down on paper everything that comes to mind. If there are pauses, continue after them anyway. Get some rest and re-read your notes. Try to find a key topic, highlight duplicate words, or the ones that grab your attention the most. Underline them and re-read only the underlined words again. Consider the prompt given by your unconscious.
Exercise from art therapy
Prepare a sheet of paper and paint or pastels. Focus on your question, then start drawing what you want and how you want. Draw until you want to stop. Examine the resulting drawing - this is a metaphorical answer to your question. View the drawing from different angles and distances. What images do you see there? What associations arise? Focus on them and try to interpret this answer.
