Boycott Code - Society

“Girls, let's boycott her! From this day on, no one speaks to her, does not answer, does not help! Whoever comes up is a traitor! " One, the most loud and ferocious, climbed into a chair and held a meeting. And the chorus of the other classmates readily picks up: “Boycott! Boycott!”* * - Boycott is a form of political and economic struggle that involves the complete or partial termination of relations with an individual, organization, enterprise, for example, refusal to hire or buy the products of this enterprise. A boycott can be any termination of a relationship with someone in protest against something (Wikipedia).

Twenty years have passed, and I still cry now. It was as if everything was tied in a knot in my stomach, I'm so scared. And the shame that literally burns through. As if it was my fault that I was the best student. And that my teacher assigned me to help her check her tests. I wanted to fall through the floor, and the worst thing was that no one, no one at all, came out in my defense, not even my friends. I wanted to die …

We are not friends with her

The main thing in the boycott is its non-violent nature and its “bottom-up” orientation. That is, when you really want to say: "You are a fool, and your ears are cold!" - but not, because the hierarchy, you can pretend that the offender does not exist. While the director / class teacher / manager himself can easily deprive you of your bonus or just put you in a corner.

This also works in relations between countries: "We do not approve of your foreign policy, therefore we refuse to buy your products." (And everyone is sitting like smart ones: some without food, others without money.) And we will not declare war, this is inhumane, but we must somehow demonstrate our position! Here we went to different corners and demonstrate.

The boycott is a very ancient weapon, and therefore effective. Even the coolest and most ferocious primitive dude with a club cannot survive outside the tribe. And if the tribe is dissatisfied with his behavior (for example, excessive appetite or weaning of wives), then it can turn away from the impudent and rude person, stop noticing him, pretend that he is dead. And we all know stories from ethnography, remember, when a council of elders in some Burkina Faso condemns a thieving fellow tribesman to death, he dies a week later himself, without any physical influence. For the force of group pressure is great.

For some unknown reason, in our latitudes, a boycott, instead of a method of influencing higher authorities, has turned into a method of reprisals against the unwanted. And very often - with the filing of the very authorities.

• “One girl in the yard was strange, unpleasant, she spoke slowly, she was drooling, her eyes were somehow wrong. She always wanted to play with us, ran after us, and we ran away from her. The boys teased her, but we knew her father would kill if anyone hurt her. And we began to hide from her, not to notice, not to talk to her … And my mother said to me: "You will declare a boycott to her so that she understands that you do not want to be friends with her." We announced, we even drew up a note on paper and went with a white flag to hand it over. She smiled and was glad that everything was around her. "
• “In the fifth grade, we had an exam in a theater studio, and I alone got an A., and all the other girls got fours or three. And one, the most beautiful, persuaded everyone not to talk to me. It hurt a lot, but I could not do anything about it, and then summer and holidays came, and no one remembered in the fall. I didn’t tell my mother, I was afraid that she would go to work and ruin everything completely.”

As you can imagine, this is not a boycott, but a real bullying, only under a slightly more polite sauce. There seems to be no direct damage, but the target feels very bad.

And further. For some reason, a boycott is a very girly weapon. It is impossible to imagine a team of boys whispering intently and then going up to their comrade and declaring a boycott. Boys are more likely to challenge them to an honest (more or less) duel, in the worst case they will start to chase away the unwanted in the open.

But for girls, social interaction is very valuable. Evolutionarily women need a circle of their own kind, more dependent on good relationships. Very few can allow themselves to be a proud loner, usually those who grow up in so-called “dissident” families, where the thought “stay away from the crowd”, “be above this” is instilled in a child from an early age. Or if there is a reliable loyal friend / girlfriend with whom no boycott is terrible.

Fact

For the first time, ignoring as a way of public pressure on a person was applied in 1880 to Charles Boycott, who was too cruel the manager of an estate in Ireland. The poor tenants did not have any legal means of influence, so they began to boycott his orders, turn away when they met, sit down on another pew in the church. The story received wide publicity, including in the international press. And quite quickly, this method of expressing discontent became popular in the world.

Cheat sheet for parents

General recommendations for parents who suspect that something is wrong with their son or daughter in the classroom coincide with the rules for stopping bullying: name the phenomenon, outlaw bullying, pay attention to the fact that everyone suffers, not just the one who is being hunted. Show the film "Scarecrow", discuss it in detail.

If you find out that your child has been boycotted, support him first. In no case should you begin to find out what he did that made the class or group up against him. As we have seen more than once, in order for group aggression to fall on your head, there is no need to do something special at all.

The next step is finding resources. Not a distraction from the problem and devaluation of what is happening ("Oh, come on, don't worry, think about how many friends you have in the country!"), But a measured analysis. Think together who the child can rely on, who is able to invite for tea with raspberry jam and juniper twigs. It can be a beloved older cousin or, on the contrary, a three-year-old adorer from the next doorway, a wise teacher of drawing, a fine-feeling grandmother with the same “my dear!” Any person who sincerely and, most importantly, loves your child out loud will do.

Disobedience to the regime

Rarely, but still there are stories when a boycott becomes what it was born: a way to resist the illegal actions of the authorities, that is, the school administration.

“In the fifth grade, a new history teacher came to us, a young guy, chatting in English, making jokes, getting angry loudly if we didn’t know“obvious things”such as all Egyptian gods by name. During breaks, he turned on foreign music, demanded an impeccable appearance and immediate fulfillment of his orders. He could make fun of in the lesson very offensively and incomprehensibly, in general he was strange.

Half of the class fell in love with him. The other half were offended, hurt and embittered. And so this half announced a boycott to Ivan: they did not answer his questions, wrote down everything he said, literally, began to meet after school at school and plan a secret action to remove him. The intrigue was that the instigators were excellent students and children of active mothers-caretakers (members of the parent committee).

Ivan did not notice anything, he was in love with the school, with the class. A petition from the parent committee demanding to remove the teacher from the school shocked him. He turned white, collapsed on a chair, his lips jumped, then jumped up, started screaming rather incoherently … The headmistress stood up and gravely, distinctly, highlighting the words, announced that the school administration appreciated Ivan Vasilyevich and everything he did for the children. Ivan immediately calmed down and sat down and even began to swing his leg. Then the headmistress said that it was unworthy to weave conspiracies, and if we didn’t like something about the teacher’s behavior, then we should tell him about it openly.

The class made a noise, began to shout from the seats: “Yes, we are happy with everything! We like!" Then I saw that many approached the teacher sideways and quietly said something, I also approached, but I did not know what to say, so I invited him to our house for lunch. For some reason I felt ashamed and wanted to leave as soon as possible."

In this story, there is no struggle for justice, but only persecution. And now, it seems to me, there may be more such stories. The society is in deep anxiety and confusion at the same time. Children hear at home and at school that the former fraternal peoples have been declared enemies, moreover, the call is constantly made to unite and repel attacks. There is no real enemy within sight, so one can come up with one.

These are very, very dangerous games, we all know where they can lead. Therefore, let's try to comply with at least elementary standards of decency and mental hygiene, remove children from TV screens and start watching what we say. And it would be nice to listen carefully to what the children themselves say.

There is an exit

In fact, stopping a boycott is very simple. It is enough to gather a class, offer to speak out, constantly reminding: we do not attack anyone, we talk only about ourselves, about our feelings, we do not judge or evaluate anyone. To remind everyone that everyone present here are intelligent and kind people, they just went into a rage. It's good if this meeting is led by a school psychologist.

At the end of the conversation, you can suggest that those who can reconcile, and who are still in upset feelings - to wait and think. The main thing is to clearly state that no bullying is allowed.