4 Steps To Each Other - Relations

Existential analysis psychotherapist and existential analyst Alfried Langle talks about the main steps in couples therapy in existential analysis and the difference between this approach and systemic family therapy.

Dossier

Alfried LANGLE, Doctor of Psychology (Ph. D.), Doctor of Medicine (MD), psychotherapist, physician, clinical psychologist, President of the International Society for Logotherapy and Existential Analysis (GLE-International). A student and colleague of Viktor Frankl. The author of the method of existential analysis. Permanent lecturer at the universities of Vienna, Innsbruck, Buenos Aires, Mendoza and Santiago de Chile.

First step

The most important thing in any therapy is to lead each partner to a free and open expression of what is important to him, what he really cares about. This is the first step in the work of an existential therapist in couples therapy.

Second step

The second step is to help the person understand what their partner needs and what exactly they are saying. Here the therapist is often required to play the role of a mediator in a dialogue, a “translator”. He helps each of the partners to formulate their words so that the other understands him correctly, and convey how everyone feels in the presence of this problem.

“People are born for each other. So, retrain or transfer. "

Marcus Aurelius

Third step

The third step is to help you come to interact with each other. At this stage, each speaks out his own position regarding what he needs, as well as how he understands what the other needs. It is important here that the partners learn to maintain their own position in the presence of the other: to understand what is important for each of them and from what they would like to separate themselves, and based on this, enter into a dialogue.

Fourth step

The fourth step is to come to an understanding of what each of the couple can do for their partner and for the relationship. And then the partners can make a decision: is what they are willing to receive and give to each other a sufficient foundation for living together?

Good couples therapy can lead to a clear understanding of the future life together. But it can also lead to a calm, peaceful breakup. We cannot know this in advance. It depends on the resources, abilities and feelings that each brings to the relationship. When partners are able to build relationships, love each other, and want to live together, but simply don’t know how to deal with disagreements and obstacles, psychotherapy is very helpful.

Shifting focus

What kind of psychotherapy should you choose?

Systemic therapy. The focus is on interaction in pairs. Emphasis on leading everyone to family roles, which we assume are the foundation of the family system.

Existential Analysis. Focus on personal, deeply personal experience, understanding and respect. The main question is whether the positions of each partner are in agreement. Based on this, a mutual solution is found.