Toxic Relationships - Relations

Almost every woman has experienced at least one destructive relationship. Someone integrates such experience into their lives, becomes stronger, wiser, more mature. As a result, more conscious and mature relationships emerge. And someone again and again steps on the same rake. Let's try to figure out why this is happening.

Make the correct diagnosis

A destructive relationship is like a disease, and some diseases show us that we are doing something wrong in our life. Many people try to numb the pain with pills, disconnect from the body and continue to live on, without changing anything in themselves. Then the sores become more and more, the body seems to be trying to shout to the person. Likewise, destructive relationships indicate to us that there are gaps that need to be addressed.

Five main signs of a toxic relationship:

• 1. You feel that you are “collapsing”, “losing yourself”, you are being manipulated. Too much effort is spent on maintaining relationships, there are no resources left for activities in society. Be completely dependent on your partner (we do not take cases of temporary disability).
• 2. You solve your partner's problems instead of yours (live the life of another).
• 3. You cannot relax and be yourself, it seems that you will not be accepted. You have to do what you don't like to keep your partner.
• 4. You are not respected, your desires, needs, views are not appreciated. No personal space.
• 5. You are subject to constant criticism, emotional, physical, economic or sexual abuse.

Get sick with benefit

There are known cases when healers infected themselves with "severe illness", were treated and, thanks to this, could help others. And if without mysticism, then we know many examples of self-healing, for example, Moshe Feldenkrais, the founder of one of the directions in body-oriented psychotherapy, at one time refused to have surgery on his injured knee. He self-medicated through awareness and various bodily techniques that later became the foundation of the Feldenkrais Method.

The very process and result of recovery fills people with tremendous inner strength and self-confidence. Likewise, our souls strive for tension, the way through it gives its precious experience, strength, life wisdom, transformation. A person grows up through frustration, but this always happens with a certain amount of support. At some point in life, we are faced with trials through which we have to become wiser and stronger. Unfortunately, destructive relationships often become such stages.

Time to collect sheep wool

In tales and myths, progress occurs through trials, not a single Vasilisa "got wise" sitting on the stove, everyone had to go through the "dense forest". By the way, according to statistics, infantilism is a mandatory quality for women who are subjected to domestic violence and are in the position of a victim. People who live in an adult position usually find ways to get out of difficult situations as quickly as possible. And people who are inherent in mental immaturity can remain in a state of victim for many years.

Our life does not tolerate stagnation, we came here for development, so it is better to do something yourself than wait for kicks from life. Jungian Robert Johnson, in his book SHE, speaks of a woman's ability to choose a single seed and make it fruitful. “Collecting wool from wild rams” is the ability not to go ahead, but to achieve your goal with cunning, wisdom, choosing the right time. A man has a different path of development, he must "defeat hordes of dragons" and "save beautiful ladies."

A destructive relationship has a huge potential for development, the possibility of transformation. Remember, the outer reality reflects our inner essence, and if the problem is not solved, we have to return to trials again and again. Certain tasks correspond to each age stage, and if they are not solved in a timely manner, then they do not disappear anywhere. Challenges come back after some time, only new tasks are added to them, and resources remain less and less. What is not decided at twenty will come again at thirty, forty, fifty years. At some point, you can find yourself on the edge of life with a huge tangle of unsolved problems. This means that the successful passage of nature-related crises is a guarantee of a happy old age.

Pause - Digest the poison

A child from a destructive family (alcoholic parents, physical or mental abuse, absence of one of the parents, etc.) can exist in toxic relationships for a very long time. A person often transitions from one unhealthy relationship to another similar one, he simply did not have an alternative model before his eyes. The victim feels unhappy deep inside, but, on the other hand, it seems to her that everything is fine. This is such a habitual suffering, at least some, but stability.

Having severed one destructive relationship, a person immediately rushes into others, without giving himself a pause to digest this experience, to understand cause-and-effect relationships. As they say, each next bucket turns out to be deeper than the previous one. The previous level of tension did not lead to development, the experience was not analyzed, the necessary changes in consciousness did not occur. It is very important to take a break before the next relationship. Otherwise, there is a risk of either stepping on the same rake, or, conversely, for many years to "hang in search" at the level of awareness. On a subconscious level, fear will rule the ball, which may prevent you from entering into new relationships. This is how the protective forces of our psyche work. And the subconscious usually wins.

If you are facing a toxic relationship, do not despair, it may be time for a transformation. And remember, there are many things an adult can do to improve the quality of their life.