If The Boss Is Like A Teenager - Image

The leader, no matter what character he possesses, creative and wise or, on the contrary, reactive, aggressive, demanding, first of all thinks about where to get people to rely on.

The leader begins an active search for competent, personally adequate, reliable, adults. Such that he knows that by a certain moment this person, having organized the work of his department, will bring you a good, high-quality result. This, in fact, is what a healthy business is based on, because every company, as it develops, reaches a critical point when a manager can no longer pass a huge number of various processes through himself. He just needs adults, partnerships. And then a conflict arises.

In order to have adults, loyal, responsible people in cooperation, it is necessary that they perceive business as their own business and part of life. If this is a responsible and creative person, then her need for human respect and professional recognition is actualized. And when a leader is unable to respond to the key needs of his subordinates, no matter what money he pays them, no matter what mountains of gold he promises, excellent workers quickly experience a crisis of motivation - they begin to feel “used”.

Adult employees do not accept a "slave-owning" attitude "towards themselves. If they do not leave immediately due to, perhaps, material reasons, then in order to balance the situation, they begin to look around. While they are still "here", but they treat the work in a metered manner - from and to: they did it with high quality, but there is no involvement. This is a psychological defense against painful experiences: "I am being used."

But most of the people in our population are like children. They don't really understand their value, they are not used to being treated with respect. Addicted to stroking, a kind word, not very confident, afraid to enter the free market. And the consumer attitude towards themselves will be tolerated much longer. In fact, this is part of their life script, for them it is almost normal. But it is difficult to rely on them in key positions - they are like children.

In Orthodoxy there is a definition "children are people with incomplete will." And this is exactly what we are talking about, a person can allow himself weakness: “I have such a life situation”, “I had no choice, so I did not do something,” “I felt bad,” “I could not”. Or "I have a not-so-good boss, he didn't give me a full assignment." They tend to "shift the arrows", to shift the responsibility onto someone else.

“If you can create a caring atmosphere in your organization where workers feel like your partners, then through this cooperation your workers will show their best qualities.”

Darryl Hartley-Leonard, President of La Salle Hotel Properties, Former CEO of Hyatt Hotels Corporation

The first thing with which I start working with leaders is trying to bring to their consciousness the existence of these two human types and the fact that relationships with them are built in completely different ways. God forbid you with the first, active type of people to start behaving like an unreasonable child. Equally problematic if you start building equal partnerships with the second type. Nothing will work.

But there is also a third problem. It is that bosses often act like teenagers. They want to see people of the first type around, adults, self-sufficient, self-motivated. But, as a rule, they use an authoritarian model: "I told you, without explanation, you will do this." They “measure their dignity”, try to prove to everyone their exclusivity and do not notice that only people of the second type take root in such an environment. And when a leader wants to scale the business, take off a little of the burden and start a strategy, it turns out that he is personally not ready for the appearance of adults nearby.

To be honest, the cultural model “master and slave” is strong in Russia. It was relevant in the Soviet era, and even in the last 20 post-perestroika years. The slave child sleeps and sees that the owner is kind, feeds well, does not offend, does not give a lot of work. When, within this model, a person with low emotional intelligence, with an undeveloped spiritual, value base, due to his vitality and ambitions, achieves a leadership position, he remains an emotionally immature teenager, simply takes the place of the owner. That is, it comes not to a conscious partner position, but to an authoritarian parental one. And who does he need then?

But if you still want to develop a modern business, bring living creativity into it, then sooner or later you will have to learn adulthood and awareness.

Subordinates - "adults"

Of course, there is no universal advice. And before accompanying a person somewhere, a psychotherapist must understand what resource he has, how adult he is now. Employees of the first type, as a rule, are aware of what they are suffering from, understand that they lack respect, recognition, situations when they are reckoned with. This hurts them and seriously reduces their desire to work.

I, probably, as a therapist, would strengthen their awareness that something unhealthy is happening and that they need to act if they want to preserve their emotional and spiritual integrity, not turn into burnt out neurotics, not die in the prime of their years from depression or psychosomatics, which comes from constant suppression of your indignation, disagreement. I would primarily focus on protecting their human and professional value. Without security, there can be no self-realization. I would support them in how they feel, recommended to begin with taking responsibility for their emotional state - to start firmly but respectfully setting their boundaries.

This often changes the situation in a surprising way. But if the boss remains rigid or starts reprising for insubordination, I recommend moving on to looking for structures in which relationships are built in a much healthier way. There are such structures. They are not perfect, but they have a much more positive environment. Search, look, be aware of what you are looking for, and while you stay here, do not supplant your feelings when you are treated as a consumer. Don't run abruptly. You need to act in an evolutionary way, but not revolutionary.

Subordinates - "children"

Working with people of the second type is, first of all, to show them the vulnerability of the parent-child model of relationship, which is transferred by them to the relationship with the leadership. A person needs to explain that everything is in order with his capabilities, that he is OK and will still be in demand as an employee.

People of this type have unstable internal self-esteem, a person may seriously think that he is a nonentity. And to live with the feeling of your insignificance, as you might guess, is impossible. Support is the most important method of dealing with such situations. She is like a breath of fresh air that inspires hope. It awakens desires and the power to change something.

EXPERT OPINION

Introduction to relationships

Ideally, a manager always sees in his employees a potential and a resource that can be effectively used for the benefit of the company and business. But it is worth noting that in order to determine the approach to his employees and to understand his position, the personality of the leader himself must have enough awareness and wisdom. It is very important for smart leaders to know what types of employees they may encounter and how to properly establish contact and work with them. Unfortunately, many managers start to think about how to build relationships with employees only when a critical moment comes. It is much more profitable from the very beginning to consciously approach building relationships with employees, to provide them with competent support. This, of course, will require more effort than, for example,exclusively premium incentive system for employees, but in the long term will increase the efficiency of their activities. …

Maria Efimova,

practicing psychologist, psychoanalyst, specialist in professional self-determination