When Childhood Does Not Go Away - Society

I have two brothers - the youngest is in the third grade, the elder Nikita is 24 years old. Mom always told me that I should take care of them because they are boys. I always fiddled with them, then take the little one from the kindergarten, then wash and stroke the elder one. After leaving school, I moved to Moscow, entered college and got a job. Rented a one-room apartment and finally sighed freely. But six months later, the elder brother arrived and "temporarily" settled with me. He allegedly cannot get a job (he had problems with this in his hometown too), and does nothing around the house. Mom constantly sends him money, and also “borrows without return” from me. Recently I met a girl and, without asking, invited her to live with us. I wanted to chase them away, but my mother calls, cries, says that I am a bad sister, since I treat my brother this way. Elena, 19 years old

Unfortunately, the situation in Elena's family is typical. Infantilism is a real scourge of our time. A huge number of women complain that they cannot meet a real man. The rest complain that they are forced to live with infantiles. Infantil is an adult, in whose psyche and behavior the features inherent in childhood are preserved.

There are several signs that are characteristic of "eternal boys":

• 1. Very close, symbiotic relationship with the mother. (Elena took on the role of mother.) Often these relationships are conflicting, but it is not possible to break them off. Sometimes the mama's boy tries to start an independent life, but sooner or later he returns.
• 2. Complete irresponsibility. Infantil does not take responsibility and in many situations behaves like a child. For him, the best way to solve the problem is to avoid. If there are too many problems, you can always escape from them with the help of alcohol, computer games, and also run away to a company of friends.
• 3. Inability to find work or frequent job changes. Everyone is to blame for the situation, except for an adult child - evil employers, lack of cronyism, routine and low wages.
• 4. Inability to handle money. The "eternal boy" can skip a large sum in one evening, often borrows, but almost never gives back.
• 5. In the personal life of an infantile, there are almost always many short-term relationships, but he creates a family with a woman who is ready to take on the role of a mother.

Mothers of infantile men show their love for their sons in different ways. The first model is “my son is the best, no one will love him the way I do”. The second model is “my son is worthless, defenseless, without me he will be lost, this is my cross”. In any case, excessive custody plays a destructive role for the future man.

The situation in Elena's family was complicated by the fact that the mother passed her "cross" to her daughter, like a baton. The girl, fortunately, is not ready to accept such a “gift”. After all, otherwise she would have had a great chance to meet an infantile as a husband.

Everyone knows three female incarnations - mother, woman, child. A man-child is most comfortable living with a woman-mother, so he intuitively seeks to find just such a companion.

Trying to re-educate the "eternal boy" is a thankless job. After all, Nikita himself does not suffer from his infantilism, he is quite satisfied that his mother sends money, and his sister (by the way, the younger one) feeds, launches and provides housing. What to do? There can be only one advice here - to stop being the mother of a big child. Elena is not to blame for the fact that the mother raised an egoist from her son and did not give him the opportunity to become an adult and responsible. Do not reproach yourself for callousness and lack of sisterly love. After “chasing” her brother, the girl gives him a chance to grow up and become a real man.

You can ask questions to Ekaterina KLIMOVA on the website www.psyh.ru or at: [email protected]