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Video: Spider Will Help To Unload Luggage - Self-development
For a long time, my personal relationship did not develop. And once I heard the phrase: "If you are not married yet, then you do not want this." I absolutely disagreed with this and thought: “It can't be! I dream of a family so much. I wait, I hope. It just doesn't work. Women's team, work - home - work. Well, where to look for a husband? Don't go out with a banner? " Only a few years later I realized that I really didn't want to get married then.
We were given shackles
In adulthood, we are severely limited by attitudes in which we once believed. If some area of life, be it love or professional success, does not work out as we would like, you definitely have limiting beliefs. It is worth revising your baggage of life experience in order to make room for new useful acquisitions. Restraining attitudes grow deep within us. They, like colored lenses, color our world. It seems to us that other people perceive reality in the same way. When someone tries to question our usual beliefs, we cannot believe him.
How are our views on life formed? Until about seven years of age, the child lacks critical thinking. Everything that he sees and experiences settles in the subconscious. As a rule, what adults say, how they behave, is absorbed as the norm. If traumatic events occur, the child's psyche turns on protective mechanisms and "somehow" copes in order to survive. Inferences occur at the level of the child's understanding.
Most often, a person then forgets about it. But the conclusions drawn take root and continue to live in the subconscious (for example, "I will never marry because my parents are always swearing and angry at each other," "I will no longer upset my mother, I will try to always be a good boy" and so on).
This is followed by adolescence, when the child learns to interact with society and learns the rules and regulations. At this stage, in addition to the parents, teachers, coaches, grandparents can “convey” their views to him. As a person gets older, he or she gains his own experience. By stuffing the bumps, he draws conclusions that settle in the subconscious and replenish the stock of limiting beliefs. For some, this load is heavier, while for others it is lighter. In any case, if you do not consciously direct attention to these "brakes", there is a risk to believe only in what the parents, teachers, and former lovers were convinced of.
Rewriting the past
How can you reveal your limiting beliefs? Be prepared to spend about an hour on this. It is advisable that nothing distracts you. Get some sheets of paper and a pen. In the center of the sheet, draw a circle and the "spider legs" emanating from it (or rays, if you want to imagine the sun). Write in the circle the answer to the question "What do I want?" (for example, "Get married!"). Write on the "paws" why you want it, what it will give you. In the following diagram, we write “my beliefs”.
Rotate the piece of paper along the axis and try to fill in all the lines outgoing from the circle. Why is it important? It is unusual to express thoughts in this form. It helps to open access to blocked feelings, memories and fears. Write whatever comes to mind, turn off your inner critic. We take another sheet, draw the "spider" again. This time we write in the center: "Why can't I get it?" State all your reasons and excuses.
On the next piece of paper we write: “I'm afraid that if I have it…” Many “wonderful” discoveries awaited me at this stage. My memory restored the grandmother's reasoning: “all men cheat,” “raising children is hard work,” and so on. Added to this were my own fears that I would lose my freedom, dissolve in my husband and child, I would be sucked in by the routine.
It is also useful to draw up a diagram, in the center of which write: "I better not get this, because …" The last spider: "They have it." It is interesting to know if we treat these people with disdain, envy or misunderstanding. After all, negative perception can create difficulties on the way to finding what you want. By spreading out the completed schemes in front of you, you can clearly understand your desires. You will find clear evidence that only we ourselves are hindering ourselves. At this point, it is important not to dive into self-blame.
Change minus to plus
Once you've identified your fears and obstacles, set yourself a goal to change your beliefs. Spider schemes to help you. Look at the answers on the paw rays and make a phrase with a positive meaning in the present tense. Do without the "not" particle. For example, the fear “household chores will take too much time” is replaced by “we have found a way to solve everyday issues, and we have time for common interests and joint activities”.
Such statements are also called affirmations. This is a powerful tool, so be careful with your wording. Start looking for positive examples from people you know. You will begin to develop new ideas and, later, deep beliefs.
I covered a whole sheet of positive statements that refuted all my fears and doubts. I read them every day before bed. The list included, for example, the expression "I know many people who are happily married." I began to focus on what and how those who are happy with family life are doing. This is how phrases about loyalty, that we inspire each other for growth and development, appeared. During this period, I already started dating my future husband. And if my beliefs-brakes again made themselves felt, I reassured myself that everything can be solved. Our current relationship is largely due to the fact that I was then able to face my fears and work through them.
It is known that the habit is formed twenty-one days, so it would be good to give yourself new attitudes every day. Study the phrases written on the spider's legs carefully. At first they will seem alien, but then you will begin to notice that your world is changing, becoming brighter. And more and more often you will be convinced that you can safely leave the luggage that has become unnecessary. Good luck without any extra load!