Slaves Of Ambition: How To Help A Teenager Find Himself - Society

My daughter is 13 years old. From the first grade she was an excellent student, besides she studied at a music school and was engaged in gymnastics, even won prizes in competitions. But recently it seemed to be replaced. You can't sit at the piano, I began to skip the section, at school I slipped into triplets. But this year exams are coming. I pay for two tutors, and my daughter calls them and cancels classes. In addition, she began to be rude to me and lie. Perhaps it's all about the transitional age? How to overcome such stubbornness and laziness? Maria, 37 years old

Of course, the age of the girl in such a situation plays an important role. Young children usually want what their parents want. It is very important for a child to get mom and dad approval. But in adolescence, the situation changes - the child seeks to realize his own desires. Often, parental motivation has already been rejected, and one's own has not yet been formed. Then the teenager is not interested in anything, does not want to do anything.

Why is the girl so violently opposed to her mother's wishes? The answer suggests itself - she is trying to break free. No wonder they say that parental ambition is one of the forms of child slavery. Very often, through a child, we try to make our own unfulfilled dreams come true. Mom wanted to masterfully play the violin - "go, daughter, to a music school." Dad never got the first junior category in boxing - "son, I enrolled you in the section." And if suddenly the child does not justify the parental hopes - "we did everything for you, and you …".

Ambitious love always presupposes the following conditions: "if you make our dreams come true, we love you, if not, we are disappointed, you are bad." It was not for nothing that Maria used the word “overcome”. A teenager is forced to make a choice: to live according to parental orders, losing individuality, or to lose the love of the closest people.

What can you advise in this situation?

• Show your girl your love - most likely, she does not see or feel her. A daughter may think that she is loved only for her excellent studies and achievements in sports. Praise her for her human qualities, beauty, taste in clothes, just because she is a wonderful girl.
• It is difficult for adolescents to learn during puberty. Be patient. Hormonal changes will end, aggression and excessive impulsivity will go away. Learning will become easier. By the way, one of the reasons teenagers find it difficult to study is iodine deficiency. They need this element more than adults, due to the high speed of all metabolic processes. Lack of iodine in the body can cause lack of will, laziness and fatigue.
• Talk to your daughter without accusations or threats. Learn to listen to her point of view, even if you do not share it. Try to communicate in a calm manner.
• Encourage the child to express wishes and interests. Refrain from criticism. Unobtrusively suggest your options for activities.
• Never predict a bad future for your child because of today's difficulties. No one has yet become a drug addict or a murderer due to the fact that they did not pass the OGE or dropped out of music school.