Rules For Hiring "kiddies" - Image

Sometimes there are such "wonderful people" who, for certain reasons, cannot be denied. The "wonderful people" have children, husbands and wives, brothers and sisters of many cousins and other "wonderful people" whom they, in turn, cannot refuse. Excellent people are convinced that if you work in HR, then, like Vasilisa the Beautiful, you wave your right hand - vacancies will fall out of your sleeve, if you wave your left, managers will fly who dream of taking their relatives to work.

Story 1: marketer in jackboots

- I remember that you are our personnel officer, Svetlana Yurievna! And why is Elena Sergeevna not going to find a job with us ?!

(I wonder if I were a proctologist, would I be offered to look into the essence of the problem in the corridor?)

- And who is Elena Sergeevna?

- She is our daughter. She graduated from graduate school, a very talented girl. I'm counting on you, Svetlana Yurievna.

A talented child sits in a self-regulatory organization in the city of Murom, does not blow his mustache, shifts pieces of paper for a penny. And dad and mom want the girl to be realized in life in accordance with her many talents and parental ambitions. The girl does not want to go to Moscow, but she really needs to find a job for her in Moscow in a large good company.

Typical scenario "Dityatko". The child does not send a resume, does not show activity. A dissatisfied dad is active. Delicately I explain to dad that the girl should tear the seat from the chair and move herself, at least for little things. Dad is a reasonable man, he reacts adequately to the oncoming "fi" He made himself and does not lose hope that the young talent of twenty-seven will begin to make efforts. We agree that we will meet with the talent in a cafe, bring his resume with him.

I am sitting in a cafe, looking out the window, drinking my third glass of sea buckthorn tea. Everything is according to the script, the kids don't come on time. I see a maiden walking along the passage in suede boots on a crazy stiletto heel. It looks like mine. Exactly. I went to a cafe, starts looking for a phone. I raise my hand:

- Are you Elena?

- Yes! How did you guess?

The question can be said to be rhetorical. I treat you to tea. I understand that I can't find Elena. Treads and a miniskirt, coupled with stretched sleeves, is not the best image for employment with a good company. No haircuts, roots have grown on half a head, nails of different lengths with artistic painting. Work experience is inconclusive. I start to figure out what she wants.

She wants to get married, but there are no guys in Murom. Parents have been in Moscow for a long time, and she has already agreed to move, because she will find a job and, perhaps, at work, she will meet someone. And so she likes her job, there are many men, they all appreciate her, because she is alone with a candidate minimum. Not enough money? No, not a little, her dad sends her.

She is very talented, she graduated from the institute with honors, she quickly learns everything, dad said to do graduate school, I had to do, she does not write a dissertation - it is not interesting. What's interesting? Well, she doesn't know what is interesting, maybe I'll tell her what is interesting.

By the way, she understands how women in Moscow make their careers. In this place, Elena is meaningfully silent, and I am sad … All careerists, in Elena's opinion, are lonely and unhappy, constantly regret that they have devoted their lives to something not the most important thing. She doesn't want that kind of life.

I wonder who and why put nonsense in the head of a cute girl? Mom and Dad? Do they know that the overwhelming majority of women - top managers are married and are quite optimistic about the future? And with this mess in her head, the girl in some strange way should become a highly paid married non-careerist.

- Still, what would you like to do?

- Probably marketing. I have a specialty marketer.

- What exactly in marketing?

“I’m talking about marketing,” she incinerated with a haughty look.

- Market analysis, trade marketing, brand management?

Confused, the words are unfamiliar.

- Do you like to analyze something more or do you want to work on promoting products to the market?

- Probably to analyze. I like the numbers.

It's already easier, in trade marketing there is a starting position for a junior analyst, let's try there.

Duty question:

- Elena, how are you with Excel?

- I did not have time to familiarize myself with it.

And in fact, before the age of twenty-seven, do you have time to figure out one of the basic programs? Especially if you like numbers and marketing.

- Elena, the vacancy will open in two weeks. You should come to your interview already knowing Excel. It is important.

- Yes. Can you tell me how to dress for an interview?

- Do you have free money?

- There is.

- It's better not to come to the interview in jackboots. Buy boots without heels or low heels. Manicure, preferably light makeup. Light blouse, jacket. At the very least, dye your hair, it is also better to cut it. No rhinestones, leopards, snakes - I list everything just in case.

- I believe that a person should be judged not by their appearance, but by their mind!

And why did you, dear, ask me a question? Lord, send a not-so-young girl dreams about the ability to look professional. Or, maybe, head on to say that shabby ladies in striped boots with rhinestones are not very popular in the offices of large companies?

- Your right to think so, but it doesn't always come to mind at an interview. Sometimes they end up immediately on the outside.

- And I think that nothing depends on the appearance!

- I respect your point of view. But either you do what I tell you or you are looking for a job yourself.

Calms down, we part. I am putting her resume in order and passing it on to a colleague. I called my dad and instructed that the child should be able to work with Excel in two weeks, otherwise they won't be hired.

Two weeks later, Elena shows up for an interview. Treads, stretched sleeves, overgrown hair roots. Going for an interview with the HR business partner of the commercial division. I catch her in the hallway after the interview.

- Elena, how is the interview?

- They said that I was not suitable.

- Explained why?

- They need someone who knows Excel.

- And you haven't figured it out with Excel?

- Well, I thought: why teach him if I haven't been hired yet?

In a couple of minutes I meet with an HR business partner.

- Sveta, who did you send me? I ask her why you are looking for a job, and she replies that she wants to meet a man at work, get married and give birth. And at least you told her to come in normal form.

Twenty seven years old. Postgraduate studies. Virginity of the mind.

Dad calls in the evening.

- Svetlana Yurievna, how is that ?! We counted on you, but yours refused to Lena.

I am indelicately stating the facts: Excel, jackboots, to work to get married. Daddy is sad: “Let her come back in two weeks, I'll make her learn Excel. We didn't think it was that important. " I say that there is nothing I can do.

Story 2: executive analyst

The CEO's secretary calls:

- Svetlana, you are urgently called!

I went into the office wondering what happened to us.

- Sveta, we have problems. We have another vertebrate.

- Find an excuse to refuse?

- No, a man called, whom I cannot refuse …

Oh, these wonderful people who cannot be denied!

- Let's resume …

- What a summary, he's already sitting here! I don’t know what to do with it so that it will not do us any good! They want him a good position. Twenty-six years of a fool, never really worked.

- Of the good ones, I only have a commercial director and a construction project manager, - we sigh as a duet. - Did you talk to him?

- Yes! Take him out of the dressing room, he got me!

I pick up another child from the reception, let's go talk:

- Did they tell you everything about me?

I turn on the blonde:

- And what was important to me to be told?

“I don’t even know how to say… well… you were told, probably? - blushes, fiddles with his tie. What a shy boy!

- To be hired?

(Perked up.)

- Well yes!

- They said.

The guy lets go before our eyes, raises his chin, collapses in the chair.

- What would you offer me?

Oh, mother dear, how lovely!

- What do you want?

- I want to make decisions.

- At what level?

- At the highest.

- And what decisions do you want to make?

- Strategic.

Hour by hour is not easier.

- Excellent, very few people decide on this! What have you done before?

- Analytics.

Gradually we find out that he was in the security service of the distillery, checking the candidates against the databases for the presence of convictions and offenses. He was called an analyst. I wonder how you, my dear, got there? Oh yeah, dad was the security director.

- On what basis is your confidence that you can make strategic decisions?

- I graduated from MBA, strategic management last month. The teacher told me that I can work in this direction.

The argument is lethal. I'd like to ask a question to teachers of business schools, why do they tell children-analysts fairy tales about a brilliant career as a strategist after graduating from an MBA? They believe, study, daddy's money pays.

- Igor, to tell you honestly, I have no vacancies that meet your needs. All I have are starting positions, from managerial positions only the construction director and the commercial director.

- I can work as a commercial director!

I choke on tea from the naivete of my interlocutor.

- Igor, the commercial is responsible for the revenue of one and a half billion dollars!

“I'm sure I can handle it.

- Why are you so sure? You have never worked in sales.

- I graduated from one of the best business schools!

Well, yes, I forgot. Academic teachers told you there how to make strategic decisions in business and be responsible for cash flow in the amount of one and a half billion. When teaching pilots, surgeons, drivers, the teacher “never did it myself, but I can teach anyone” will not slip through. And if we teach business or management, it's easy. The guy continues:

- But if you are in doubt, I am not afraid to start from the starting positions!

I pour out poisonous syrup:

- Well! I am so glad! It's very masculine! Will you go as a sales representative?

This is below his dignity, by starting boy means a position not lower than the regional director.

Council in Fili. They drove the guy through remote testing. We are looking for something to attach to, so that dad does not get upset and the boy does not do any good. The guy has surprisingly good results on the numerical test; for precise meticulous work, it is quite suitable: methodical, consistent, attentive to little things. We write the sonorous title of the position in the work book and define it in the client service to summarize the data in tables.

A happy ending

And then not according to the script: I forgot about the arrogance and habits of a strategic manager, turned out to be a pleasant, friendly person, did not look up from his plates, knew what was behind each number, after a year and a half he headed the department.